Undecided About Second Kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have siblings?

OP here. I’m one of 7 siblings.

Don't you feel like your mother loved all her children not just the first one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the second. It is a gift to your first child, that will live on after you and your husband have passed on (most likely). It is someone to help your first care for you, and grieve you, when you get old/pass on.

A sibling is a companion on vacations and just weekends at home. Someone to teach him how to share, and take turns. The second child will save your first child from getting an unhealthy amount of attention and focus from you.

Try, if it is not meant to be, it will not happen. The Universe has a way of working out.

PS-You said you put your marriage first. This is something your husband wants. Don't think of it as threatening your relationship. Rather, you are listening to him and trusting that he knows what you can all handle. Good luck!

OP here. I don’t think of having a second child as threatening our marriage. I only put that our marriage is strong and we put it first is because I know some will say having a second will put a strain on or marriage. It’s hard to balance everything but we are very happy.

Please don't have a second. Why have a second child if you're going to neglect it to put your marriage first? You need to stop at one. Don't neglect and screw up any additional children.

Ignore this person. They are ridiculous. If your marriage is strong, you’re happy with division of household labor and can afford : have plenty of family help, go for it. You may not love the second baby immediately but you will as they grow and the bond between the siblings at least when little is the cutest. I had 2 just under 2 and the older one was so sweet with his baby sis. My marriage on the other hand is a shitshow, but that’s another story.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the responses but I’d go for it. And have him get a vasectomy after the baby is born lol- not that you asked .

I think the pros outweigh the cons.

[Anonymous]

Are you a democrat?
Population growth is the cause of climate change.
Don't have any more kids.

[Anonymous]

I got accidentally pregnant and that made the decision for us! I was really on the fence too. Now my second is about 8 months old and let me give you the good and the bad:

1) First the bad. It really was the hardest thing I've ever done. I know this varies from person to person but I was CONVINCED it couldn't be that hard. My husband and I had a pretty easy time with the first one, we had a great rhythm down, people used to compliment us for being so "laid back" and "making it look easy". A second baby - who wasn't even that hard - knocked me on my ass. I ended up in therapy for it (think I probably had some PPA too). It was just so all consuming. The older one went off the rails and regressed in every way imaginable, the baby took 2+ hours to get to bed every night. For 5 months I just survived from one minute to the next. I don't want to sugar coat this because it really, really took me by surprise despite how many people tried to warn me. I was arrogant about it.

That said, by about 6 months the fog cleared and everything got SO much easier.

2) The good... I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I love my second baby SO MUCH. You will be blown away by how much you love your second. I want to freeze time and keep her at this age forever. She is so cute and smiley, honestly I'm smiling even just writing this post. My older one is 3 now and can be a total pill but my baby is always perfect and angelic. It's just like you hear other people say, I love them both equally but sometimes I like one more than the other and right now I like the baby a lot more lol.

My oldest is the best big sister. Her baby sister makes her happier than anything in the entire world. She is the first thing she asks about when she wakes up in the morning. She is always thinking about what the baby wants or needs and she is really good at making her laugh or calming her when she cries. Giving them each other the sweetest, best thing I've ever done in my life.

And I thought it would take a lot longer than this but even at 8 months old, they are already "playing" together. We come home from daycare and I put the baby down in the living room and tell the 3 yo to play with her and they will both hang out for 20 min+ together entertaining each other and not bugging us at all. It actually blows my mind - I had hoped they might play together when the youngest was 2 or 3, I didn't expect it this quickly.

The idea that I almost didn't have my second baby makes me sad to even think about now. It is hard but worth every minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're 50-50, go for it! I say this as someone who was 100% against and has only budged the tiniest amount over time. I think if you know you DON'T want to, you know it. Of course, you need to think through all of the practical issues - like whether you need your DH to step up more, get additional help, etc. But sounds like you're pretty much there, just nervous about it.

OP here. My husband is super involved with our son and household stuff. We had a nanny for our son but recently enrolled him in daycare. We will get a nanny if we have a second child. We also have tons of family help.

absolutely do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got accidentally pregnant and that made the decision for us! I was really on the fence too. Now my second is about 8 months old and let me give you the good and the bad:

1) First the bad. It really was the hardest thing I've ever done. I know this varies from person to person but I was CONVINCED it couldn't be that hard. My husband and I had a pretty easy time with the first one, we had a great rhythm down, people used to compliment us for being so "laid back" and "making it look easy". A second baby - who wasn't even that hard - knocked me on my ass. I ended up in therapy for it (think I probably had some PPA too). It was just so all consuming. The older one went off the rails and regressed in every way imaginable, the baby took 2+ hours to get to bed every night. For 5 months I just survived from one minute to the next. I don't want to sugar coat this because it really, really took me by surprise despite how many people tried to warn me. I was arrogant about it.

That said, by about 6 months the fog cleared and everything got SO much easier.

2) The good... I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I love my second baby SO MUCH. You will be blown away by how much you love your second. I want to freeze time and keep her at this age forever. She is so cute and smiley, honestly I'm smiling even just writing this post. My older one is 3 now and can be a total pill but my baby is always perfect and angelic. It's just like you hear other people say, I love them both equally but sometimes I like one more than the other and right now I like the baby a lot more lol.

My oldest is the best big sister. Her baby sister makes her happier than anything in the entire world. She is the first thing she asks about when she wakes up in the morning. She is always thinking about what the baby wants or needs and she is really good at making her laugh or calming her when she cries. Giving them each other the sweetest, best thing I've ever done in my life.

And I thought it would take a lot longer than this but even at 8 months old, they are already "playing" together. We come home from daycare and I put the baby down in the living room and tell the 3 yo to play with her and they will both hang out for 20 min+ together entertaining each other and not bugging us at all. It actually blows my mind - I had hoped they might play together when the youngest was 2 or 3, I didn't expect it this quickly.

The idea that I almost didn't have my second baby makes me sad to even think about now. It is hard but worth every minute.

+1 to a lot of this for us. We chose to have a second and I would say it was really hard for us the first year but otherwise a lot of this rings true. Our two DDs really love to play together and it's super cute watching them interact together.

But yes, the first year for us was really really hard because we had to go back to the sleepless nights and at times our oldest would regress. Also, two daycares is like a small mortgage!

[Anonymous]

OP here. We have decided to try for a second child.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you decided already and sounds great. But since other posters mentioned how hard the second was, I thought I'd chime in and say my experience with #2 was WAY easier. My first baby had been fairly difficult and I barely slept, which definitely started an anxiety cycle for me. #2 was a great sleeper, easy baby. I felt so much better after #2 and the infant period flew by.

I think this is very personal. Harder for some, easier for some.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you decided already and sounds great. But since other posters mentioned how hard the second was, I thought I'd chime in and say my experience with #2 was WAY easier. My first baby had been fairly difficult and I barely slept, which definitely started an anxiety cycle for me. #2 was a great sleeper, easy baby. I felt so much better after #2 and the infant period flew by.

I think this is very personal. Harder for some, easier for some.

Good luck.

While your second baby may have been easier than your first I'd be surprised if the experience in totality wasn't harder than the first. With one, you can switch up caring for the child and get some down time. With two, you're constantly on with either one child or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you decided already and sounds great. But since other posters mentioned how hard the second was, I thought I'd chime in and say my experience with #2 was WAY easier. My first baby had been fairly difficult and I barely slept, which definitely started an anxiety cycle for me. #2 was a great sleeper, easy baby. I felt so much better after #2 and the infant period flew by.

I think this is very personal. Harder for some, easier for some.

Good luck.

While your second baby may have been easier than your first I'd be surprised if the experience in totality wasn't harder than the first. With one, you can switch up caring for the child and get some down time. With two, you're constantly on with either one child or the other.

I will surprise you then. For me, I just found it overall much, much easier. Really. With the first, the combination of my whole lifestyle completely changing, tough baby, not sleeping...I was miserable. With #2, the baby fit into our lifestyle and we just kept going. I felt so much better mentally overall that everything was easier. Just one person's 2 cents. However, I have talked to other moms who had a similar experience.

[Anonymous]

Do it. Best thing to have a 2nd.

[Anonymous]

I would bet the different experiences on having a second kid are correlated to the age gap between the kids as well.

Many of my friends who had kids close together (probably 2 years or less) describe the experience the PPs are describing. Hellacious first 6 months to a year. You basically have 2 babies.

The bigger age gaps, even just 3+ years, are easier. There is a huge difference between having a 2 year old and a 3 year old and bringing a newborn into the mix.