how to stop blaming parents for shortcomings in life?

[Anonymous]

What? Those are your gripes? It sounds like you have some severe anxiety and you imagined things.

[Anonymous]

You know what, at a certain point, you're responsible for yourself. And you can't blame everything on them - I was shown too MUCH affection and as a young adult had a hard time getting close to people.

But I looked at myself, picked out the things that were important to me to change, worked on myself to change them, and here I am. Own yourself, you know?

[Anonymous]

You do not have control over your situation, only of how you respond to it. You can choose to be angry, feel sorry for yourself, blame others for your problems.Or you can choose to be grateful for what you have in your life, your job, your friends and family.

I was dealt some very tough blows in my twenties but I did not want to spend my life as a bitter, angry person. I am now in my sixties and have been very blessed. Some of that is good luck, but a lot of it is also because I choose to see the positive things in my life.

[Anonymous]

It's probably okay and normal that your mom didn't treat you like the dog.

[Anonymous]

I think after age 30, you're not allowed to blame your parents anymore. By then, you should have sought help to work through parental issues. Any remaining issues are on you

[Anonymous]

OP, sounds like you were emotionally neglected and maybe there were attachment issues as an infant. Please see a therapist who specializes in this. This goes beyond trauma, because the way we are treated as very young children creates the blueprint for how we socialize in adulthood and how we handle and express emotions. I am very sorry this was your experience. But it is n the past, and you cannot change who your parents are or what happened. A good therapist can help you start seeing and work through unhealthy patterns.

[Anonymous]

Focus on what YOU have control over, not what others do. What this means is accountability for your own actions and resignation that you can not be responsible for things you have no control of. IN this case you have control over your choice. Your parents do no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think after age 30, you're not allowed to blame your parents anymore. By then, you should have sought help to work through parental issues. Any remaining issues are on you

I guess it's a good thing I'm 28

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds suspiciously familiar to another poster on 12/3 who lamented the "toxic" mother she had and wanted to know how to cut her off.

Even if it's not the same OP - get a grip. NO ONE had perfect parents since the beginning of mankind. Yet somehow the infinite majority seem to get along and have a decent life. You can too.

Snap out of it!

There’s a famous poem by Phil Larkin about it. “Your Mum and Dad, they f you up...”

And we will unintentionally do the same to our kids.

Circle of life. If you know better, do better. But you will still do something wrong because not one of us is perfect. We are all flawed, complicated human beings.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with the posters who say, it's too late to blame your parents, if you still hurt then blame yourself. It's like making a cup out of clay but then poking a bunch of holes in it before it gets fired, and saying, "It's the mug's own fault for leaking all that friggin tea all over the place every time we use it." Your parents formed who you are. OP, if you are still hurting, then you're still hurting. That's legitimate.

I healed A LOT after I had kids. I realized I had learned a lot from my own parents, namely how NOT to parent, and also being part of a healthy parent-child relationship was really healing, for some reason. It's like that missing relationship is there now, even though I'm the parent.

Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

I just can't get passed the 'I hated the dog because my mom hugged the dog." I can't take anything at face value from op after reading this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think after age 30, you're not allowed to blame your parents anymore. By then, you should have sought help to work through parental issues. Any remaining issues are on you

I guess it's a good thing I'm 28

Definitely talk to a therapist. My sister had similar issues as a child and has never dealt with them. She is now 47 and struggles in all area of her life (work, romantic relationships, and personal relationships). She never learned how to manage negative emotions and internalizes everything. She doesn’t know how to set boundaries and reacts passive aggressively to any form of conflict. It has literally ruined her life. She always wanted to be married with kids, but she has never been able to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone as an adult.

Start seeking help now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get passed the 'I hated the dog because my mom hugged the dog." I can't take anything at face value from op after reading this.

You’re a shallow person, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with the posters who say, it's too late to blame your parents, if you still hurt then blame yourself. It's like making a cup out of clay but then poking a bunch of holes in it before it gets fired, and saying, "It's the mug's own fault for leaking all that friggin tea all over the place every time we use it." Your parents formed who you are. OP, if you are still hurting, then you're still hurting. That's legitimate.

I healed A LOT after I had kids. I realized I had learned a lot from my own parents, namely how NOT to parent, and also being part of a healthy parent-child relationship was really healing, for some reason. It's like that missing relationship is there now, even though I'm the parent.

Do you have kids?

no, I would like to, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get passed the 'I hated the dog because my mom hugged the dog." I can't take anything at face value from op after reading this.

You’re a shallow person, pp.

How so? Who on earth even notices such things? Narcissists, that's who.