Mixed-collar dating

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who is a doctor and married a man who never went to college, is unskilled, stays home with the kids due to making less money than the childcare provider, rides dirt bikes etc. Seems to be working for them so far. They’ve been married 5 years and just had a third (surprise) baby. It can work for the right people/personalities.

[Anonymous]

I have a Phd in finance and am a CPA. I'm a partner in a big 4 accounting firm. DH is in construction and does not have a degree.

What makes it work is that we both respect each other. Even though I am book smart, he has more common sense than me. I take care of household finances and the attention to detail stuff, he takes care of the big picture stuff. ie, we talk about retirement....he figures out where we will live and then it's my job to plan for the finances for it.

It also helps significantly that we grew up in similar neighborhoods, attended similar schools, have the same morals, values, and ethics. We don't argue about the big stuff--how to raise the kids, money, religion, or family. We don't argue because individually we both feel the same way about the big stuff.

My brother earns $24K in rural Vermont. When I suggested to DH that we help him pay for my nephew to attend a study abroad program, the response was "of course". There was no discussion, no resentment...it just wasn't an issue. Going into the conversation, I knew what the answer was going to be, but because I respect our marriage, it was my responsibility to ask before sending a check.

Its less about the education or the type of job and more about how you view the important things in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. A partner at my old law firm is married to a firefighter.

Firefighters can be pretty well educated. At our big, well regarded state school, lots of guys get building science degrees and do the general contractor/fireflighter split when they graduate. Extremely lucrative.

My best friend from college (an ivy) who has a very successful career in public administration is married to a firefighter with a masters degree in fire protection sciences. He's a professor on his "off" days.

Point is, i don't think firefighter is particularly "blue collar".

If your job is physical and you work with your hands, and you wear a uniform, THAT is blue-collar.

[Anonymous]

I’m a lawyer and my husband in a cop. It works beautifully for us. I admire what he does, and he is very good at it. I don’t think any less of him for having a blue collar job—I respect him very much for it.

[Anonymous]

It certainly can! Particularly since you come from a more blue collar background.

I know many many blue collar men who make great incomes. They also often have a surprising amount of flexibility (helps a lot with child rearing)

The happiest woman I know (a neighbor) is a college professor- married to an auto mechanic. I think she earns more but he is around a lot during the day and had more flexibility.

My younger sister is finishing up med school and engaged to an electrician. We love him! But I also grew up blue collar.

In both cases these guys are super smart (as smart as their wives IMO) - they just enjoy working their hands.

Go for it IMO.

[Anonymous]

Do you have an advanced salary to go with your advanced degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a Phd in finance and am a CPA. I'm a partner in a big 4 accounting firm. DH is in construction and does not have a degree.

What makes it work is that we both respect each other. Even though I am book smart, he has more common sense than me. I take care of household finances and the attention to detail stuff, he takes care of the big picture stuff. ie, we talk about retirement....he figures out where we will live and then it's my job to plan for the finances for it.

It also helps significantly that we grew up in similar neighborhoods, attended similar schools, have the same morals, values, and ethics. We don't argue about the big stuff--how to raise the kids, money, religion, or family. We don't argue because individually we both feel the same way about the big stuff.

My brother earns $24K in rural Vermont. When I suggested to DH that we help him pay for my nephew to attend a study abroad program, the response was "of course". There was no discussion, no resentment...it just wasn't an issue. Going into the conversation, I knew what the answer was going to be, but because I respect our marriage, it was my responsibility to ask before sending a check.

Its less about the education or the type of job and more about how you view the important things in life.

+1. It is more about values and lifestyle IMO. If you match up well that way, it is a great sign. Also if your backgrounds are similar thst will help enormously. I really don’t see the particular job/income as a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what he does but blue collar guys can make great incomes, just so people know.

My stepdad (general contractor, no college degree) makes more than most doctors etc. I don’t think is terribly unusual actually.

Also mechanics, electricians, plumbers can do REALLY well.

Just thought I’d mention, because people often do not realize this.

The people I know who have married across “collars” are all happy, as far as I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. A partner at my old law firm is married to a firefighter.

Firefighters can be pretty well educated. At our big, well regarded state school, lots of guys get building science degrees and do the general contractor/fireflighter split when they graduate. Extremely lucrative.

My best friend from college (an ivy) who has a very successful career in public administration is married to a firefighter with a masters degree in fire protection sciences. He's a professor on his "off" days.

Point is, i don't think firefighter is particularly "blue collar".

If your job is physical and you work with your hands, and you wear a uniform, THAT is blue-collar.

Not necessarily a uniform. My dad (who planned to go to school on the GI bill but was called home to help with the farm, escaped a few years later when he got a welding job at a new mine under construction, by then there were 3 kids and 2 more came after that) became a mining electrician and was very, very smart. I remember a visit he and I made on a trip to see the son of someone he worked with, the son was a Los Alamos physicist and they talked for hours. He was kind of a garage inventor and made a point of tracking down university professors to discuss things he was working on. My dad was also very knowledgeable about metallurgy in connection with his welding, and was known at the mine for figuring out a problem with a blast furnace several engineers flown in from elsewhere had not figured out. Anytime he was annoyed by someone else's apparent incompetence, he was liable to yell, "It's simple physics!" and he grew crystals in the garage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not.
Don’t even consider lowering your white collar self to his level.

And what level is that?

I’m the PP and that was an attempt at sarcasm. OP doesn’t deserve this guy, he’s too good for her.

[Anonymous]

It’s so clear that people think having a high salary is needed to compensate for lowered formal schooling. The boundaries people erect between college grads and those without are completely artificial but those with the degrees use it as a marker to enhance their social standing. It’s funny really how taking Econ 101 etc makes people think they are so different than someone who didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's too good for you.

Way, way, way too good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not.
Don’t even consider lowering your white collar self to his level.

And what level is that?

I’m the PP and that was an attempt at sarcasm. OP doesn’t deserve this guy, he’s too good for her.

NP: No I got a good laugh at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not.
Don’t even consider lowering your white collar self to his level.

And what level is that?

I’m the PP and that was an attempt at sarcasm. OP doesn’t deserve this guy, he’s too good for her.

NP: No I got a good laugh at it.

We’d probably get along well then!

[Anonymous]

Since we are all sharing anecdotes, I will tell you that the two most bitter divorced people I’ve ever met were female breadwinners.

Think long and hard about how you’ll feel when you’re going through pregnancy complications/breastfeeding/PPD/whatever else and you have no choice but to keep working. Other women around you will likely have the ability to stop, at least for a time. However, the hard truth is that, if you’re already in your mid-30s, this might be your last chance to have kids.

And yes, since everyone is mentioning it, I know that blue collar people can be breadwinners, even when they are coupled with high-earning white collar people. But your average white collar professional, especially in a major metropolitan area, will generally out earn your average blue collar worker. And let’s not pretend the exceptions disprove the rule. For example, I knew an electrician who made millions (he did all the electrical work for a major stadiums and stuff), but you could argue that the made those millions not necessarily by doing electrical work, but using his knowledge of electrical work, which he parlayed into successful business deals. Anyway, I digress.