Is everyone into polyamory or random kinks or are Slate’s advice columns just weird?

[Anonymous]

I've dated a lot of men and only 1 has been actually kinky. I am very open minded and accepting, so I don't think the other guys were holding back. There are a small number of people who are very sex-focused and define themselves that way. For the rest of us it's just one part of our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've dated a lot of men and only 1 has been actually kinky. I am very open minded and accepting, so I don't think the other guys were holding back. There are a small number of people who are very sex-focused and define themselves that way. For the rest of us it's just one part of our lives.

Absolutely.

And straight women in this area seem to be more comfortable being kinky than the straight men. I have no idea what local gay men do as my gay male friends present as far more vanilla than DH and I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've dated a lot of men and only 1 has been actually kinky. I am very open minded and accepting, so I don't think the other guys were holding back. There are a small number of people who are very sex-focused and define themselves that way. For the rest of us it's just one part of our lives.

What was his kink?

[Anonymous]

I'm very involved in the kinky community. The ones who call themselves poly are a minority (although a very vocal minority for some reason) and you hear the most complaints from those who actually practice it about the problems in those relationships. OMG do they complain. From what I've seen, the so-called poly people are far from jealousy free. Don't believe the hype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but what you will find on the dating apps are a bunch men in "ethically nonmonogamous" relationships which basically means they are cheating on their wives but want to convince you that they have open marriages.

This. I have a middle-aged friend who falls for it every time. She shares all her kinks openly and married or coupled guys seem to know she is an easy mark to take advantage of.

The majority of people I know are coupled, and if they are kinky it's not something they share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but what you will find on the dating apps are a bunch men in "ethically nonmonogamous" relationships which basically means they are cheating on their wives but want to convince you that they have open marriages.

I'm sure some are cheating. But then why would they have to mention that they're ethically non-monogamous? If they're going to cheat, no point telling anyone that you're married or in a relationship. Seems counter productive.

I'm in a ethically non-monogamous relationship. I have it listed on my profile. Anyone that I talk to, I offer verification. You can speak to or meet my spouse if you're interested.

And it's not just men who are in ENM relationships. There are plenty of women on Bumble, Tinder etc who also are in ENM's and open relationships and they are upfront about it. In fact, OK Cupid actually has a section for people who are non-monogamous and seeking the same.

Plenty of people who are looking for 'traditional' relationship as well. I just don't bother reaching out to them because it's a waste of my and their time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but what you will find on the dating apps are a bunch men in "ethically nonmonogamous" relationships which basically means they are cheating on their wives but want to convince you that they have open marriages.

I'm sure some are cheating. But then why would they have to mention that they're ethically non-monogamous? If they're going to cheat, no point telling anyone that you're married or in a relationship. Seems counter productive.

I'm in a ethically non-monogamous relationship. I have it listed on my profile. Anyone that I talk to, I offer verification. You can speak to or meet my spouse if you're interested.

And it's not just men who are in ENM relationships. There are plenty of women on Bumble, Tinder etc who also are in ENM's and open relationships and they are upfront about it. In fact, OK Cupid actually has a section for people who are non-monogamous and seeking the same.

Plenty of people who are looking for 'traditional' relationship as well. I just don't bother reaching out to them because it's a waste of my and their time.

Lots of guys are into this so they can get some action on the side, say they are into kink, and have their affair partner believe that they are in a kinky "relationship."

My friend who gets involved with these dudes falls for it every time; has the guy live with her, pays his living expenses, he moves his spouse in, he saves lots of money and waits until he and his wife can afford a better place to live, dumps my friend. Then she gets the next guy who does something similar. One guy was balancing about 3 different women, living with each one for part of the week and saving money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but what you will find on the dating apps are a bunch men in "ethically nonmonogamous" relationships which basically means they are cheating on their wives but want to convince you that they have open marriages.

I'm sure some are cheating. But then why would they have to mention that they're ethically non-monogamous? If they're going to cheat, no point telling anyone that you're married or in a relationship. Seems counter productive.

I'm in a ethically non-monogamous relationship. I have it listed on my profile. Anyone that I talk to, I offer verification. You can speak to or meet my spouse if you're interested.

And it's not just men who are in ENM relationships. There are plenty of women on Bumble, Tinder etc who also are in ENM's and open relationships and they are upfront about it. In fact, OK Cupid actually has a section for people who are non-monogamous and seeking the same.

Plenty of people who are looking for 'traditional' relationship as well. I just don't bother reaching out to them because it's a waste of my and their time.

Lots of guys are into this so they can get some action on the side, say they are into kink, and have their affair partner believe that they are in a kinky "relationship."

My friend who gets involved with these dudes falls for it every time; has the guy live with her, pays his living expenses, he moves his spouse in, he saves lots of money and waits until he and his wife can afford a better place to live, dumps my friend. Then she gets the next guy who does something similar. One guy was balancing about 3 different women, living with each one for part of the week and saving money.

How old is your friend and what app is she on? I need to meet this sugar mama LOL

[Anonymous]

Mostly just clickbait.

[Anonymous]

A way to scan a partner into allowing cheating

[Anonymous]

As a man who has been on dating apps for many, many years, the past couple of years has brought a slew of non-monogamous women onto these apps, and not just Tinder. These are normal, everyday looking women, often pictured with their husbands or boyfriends in their profile. Many with kids. It's a tidal wave now and almost considered the new normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man who has been on dating apps for many, many years, the past couple of years has brought a slew of non-monogamous women onto these apps, and not just Tinder. These are normal, everyday looking women, often pictured with their husbands or boyfriends in their profile. Many with kids. It's a tidal wave now and almost considered the new normal.

The new resistant aids will change this again

[Anonymous]

nope. My H is as vanilla as it gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man who has been on dating apps for many, many years, the past couple of years has brought a slew of non-monogamous women onto these apps, and not just Tinder. These are normal, everyday looking women, often pictured with their husbands or boyfriends in their profile. Many with kids. It's a tidal wave now and almost considered the new normal.

This is scary to me but I'm terrified of herpes. And condoms do not protect you from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a man who has been on dating apps for many, many years, the past couple of years has brought a slew of non-monogamous women onto these apps, and not just Tinder. These are normal, everyday looking women, often pictured with their husbands or boyfriends in their profile. Many with kids. It's a tidal wave now and almost considered the new normal.

This is scary to me but I'm terrified of herpes. And condoms do not protect you from it.

For your own sake - please be better informed