Is my anxiety ruining my kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes. I have a friend like this and her kids are definitely impacted by her anxiety. I had to work really hard to get over my anxiety I never knew I had. It took years of therapy for me to realize my mom was always in an anxious state and it made me think that was how people typically operated so I was always in an anxious state. It was a very familiar feeling to me so I didn’t realize how much it was impacting me. I still get anxious sometimes like when we travel and I have to work very hard to reframe my thoughts so that I don’t rile up my son since he’s taking my cues. My friend is highly anxious and her kids have gotten progressively so but she doesn’t see it since it’s her comfortable place to be. Good for you for reflecting on yourself. That’s not always easy.

I just read your title question and I didn’t mean to respond “yes” in an absolute way like that. Just saying your own anxiety is something to think about and it may be impacting your kids. It’s not ruining your kids. -PP

x100000

The kids that act out in high school (from what I have seen) have parents with unaddressed issues. Good on you for realizing that you need assistance, OP.

[Anonymous]

Unrelated to your question, but anxiety is not all evil, OP, so don't beat yourself up over it. You need to decide if you are happy with your own level of worry or not.

This a great book, I found
https://www.amazon.com/Hack-Your-Anxiety-Make-Work/dp/1492664138/

[Anonymous]

I dunno. I feel like I’m always rushing and yelling but my kids (12 and 8) don’t seem hurried in the least. I wish I could get them to move faster!

[Anonymous]

I would cut back on weekend activities and give them more unstructured, relaxed time at home. This constant rushing sounds awful and doesn't seem like anyone would enjoy life that way. Could you split up drop offs with your husband or someone so that one kid could relax more?

[Anonymous]

Yes! I can't tell you how many people I know who clearly have some sort of anxiety issue and end up having kids with all sorts of their own issues. These anxious people almost always end up raising weird kids. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all that.

[Anonymous]

I just finished up my therapy for myself and my anxieties because it was impacting my children so much.. they are young 7 & 3 and I started noticing how it impacts them in a negative way and wanted to get a hold of things. I am so glad I got treatment for myself and my family. Your children of course are impacted by your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids parent-teacher conferences this week. I was told that both of them are always rushing and can’t settle down. Both teachers asked if I might know why they operate that way. And then it dawned on me that I am always rushing them to get ready in the am, rush8mg for them to eat breakfast, telling them to hurry up as soon as after school teachers tell them I’ve arrived (because we are rushing to get to an evening activity). Same goes for the weekends. Sometimes I find myself rushing them to move even though we are not on a schedule! I would say I have some anxiety: I am worried about being late to work even though there is a 30-minute flex of employees’ start times. I worry about getting to practices, games early enough so we can find parking (!) and/or they have appropriate time to warm up/get ready. I worry about flying. I worry about anything and everything happening to my kids. ...... all in a vacuum don’t seem out of the ordinary. I have a checklist on my phone of everyday tasks because I’m worried I’ll forget something. I have mild social anxiety....but nothing like when I was younger. Could all this anxiety and worry be shaping my kids into anxious, rush through life little people? Or is this just the life of a family with two working parents (One of which that is only around 30 minutes during bedtime), no local family support, no real extra funds to throw at outsourcing? any advice would be great.

As the daughter of an anxious mom who became an anxious mom of an anxious daughter, yes, your anxiety is affecting your kids but your kids may also have a genetic predisposition to being anxious - so you might not be able to make them not anxious. However, you are a role model for them so it may help them if they see you managing your anxiety openly and honestly. It would be important for you to seek therapy and do some reflection so you learn how to manage it. My mom tried to hide her anxiety but it leaked out everywhere. Same with my MIL - but that didn't affect me so much because she didn't raise me. I've tried to be open with my kid about how I've managed my anxiety. She does her own work on her issues. We are all coping. Good luck with this, OP!

[Anonymous]

I am similar and have wondered the same thing about my kids. I do agree that it is also hereditary, so not all of this behavior is learned. My one DD is very anxious, but the other one is not. Pretty laid back. It’s good you’re aware of it now and can make changes if possible.

[Anonymous]

I’m anxious and my kids aren’t. Man, I would love for them to have some of my anxiety about getting to school/work on time. But I’m guessing my kids just lucked out and didn’t get my genes.

[Anonymous]

I second the PP about discussing it openly with your kids. Mine are teens now so they can fully understand the conversation. I tell them how I am feeling when my anxiety is ramping up and what I think that I need from them in order to get it under control. (Such as - I am worried that we are going to be late. I need you to let me know verbally through that closed door that you are getting dressed and not playing video games.) They talk to me about their emotions so I think that it’s helped open up channels.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your anxiety is likely impacting your kids. Therapy can really help you, and subsequently your kids. Anxiety is very treatable. I recommend CBT so that you can get some tools under your belt and model using skills for your children. It sounds like you are catching it early.

-Therapist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cut back on weekend activities and give them more unstructured, relaxed time at home. This constant rushing sounds awful and doesn't seem like anyone would enjoy life that way. Could you split up drop offs with your husband or someone so that one kid could relax more?

This! I’m sure your kids are just fine, but OP, this sounds exhausting for you! Chill out and enjoy life...