Marriage advice to sister- delaying wedding

[Anonymous]

You need to mind your own business. She might end up marrying him and you will be on her black list forever. It is best never to badmouth your sibling's partner, never, ever. Let the chips fall as they will. For all you know, they might slip up tomorrow or be happily married till death. He might get a job or be the best SAHD, she might get pregnant tomorrow. Honestly OP, marrying at 22 is not out of the norm, supports your sister and you will avoid her blaming you for good, bad or no marriage. It sounds like you are taking her relationship more serious than she is. You sound high strung and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to mind your own business. She might end up marrying him and you will be on her black list forever. It is best never to badmouth your sibling's partner, never, ever. Let the chips fall as they will. For all you know, they might slip up tomorrow or be happily married till death. He might get a job or be the best SAHD, she might get pregnant tomorrow. Honestly OP, marrying at 22 is not out of the norm, supports your sister and you will avoid her blaming you for good, bad or no marriage. It sounds like you are taking her relationship more serious than she is. You sound high strung and controlling.

+1

Don’t do it OP. Never ever ever turns out well, and could impact your relationship with your sister for a very long time. And her husband. And any kids they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to mind your own business. She might end up marrying him and you will be on her black list forever. It is best never to badmouth your sibling's partner, never, ever. Let the chips fall as they will. For all you know, they might slip up tomorrow or be happily married till death. He might get a job or be the best SAHD, she might get pregnant tomorrow. Honestly OP, marrying at 22 is not out of the norm, supports your sister and you will avoid her blaming you for good, bad or no marriage. It sounds like you are taking her relationship more serious than she is. You sound high strung and controlling.

+1

Don’t do it OP. Never ever ever turns out well, and could impact your relationship with your sister for a very long time. And her husband. And any kids they have.

But it will also impact our relationship when they get married, have kids, and realize they can't afford one of them to stay home and want me to watch their kids. I am not willing to do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to mind your own business. She might end up marrying him and you will be on her black list forever. It is best never to badmouth your sibling's partner, never, ever. Let the chips fall as they will. For all you know, they might slip up tomorrow or be happily married till death. He might get a job or be the best SAHD, she might get pregnant tomorrow. Honestly OP, marrying at 22 is not out of the norm, supports your sister and you will avoid her blaming you for good, bad or no marriage. It sounds like you are taking her relationship more serious than she is. You sound high strung and controlling.

+1

Don’t do it OP. Never ever ever turns out well, and could impact your relationship with your sister for a very long time. And her husband. And any kids they have.

But it will also impact our relationship when they get married, have kids, and realize they can't afford one of them to stay home and want me to watch their kids. I am not willing to do that

That's a lot of projecting and all you are doing is being selfish and thinking about yourself. That is just messed up on your part. You are willing to ruin your sister's life because someday in the future it might have some negative impact on you. Might! Nobody makes you do anything, you never have to watch her kids. JHC!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to mind your own business. She might end up marrying him and you will be on her black list forever. It is best never to badmouth your sibling's partner, never, ever. Let the chips fall as they will. For all you know, they might slip up tomorrow or be happily married till death. He might get a job or be the best SAHD, she might get pregnant tomorrow. Honestly OP, marrying at 22 is not out of the norm, supports your sister and you will avoid her blaming you for good, bad or no marriage. It sounds like you are taking her relationship more serious than she is. You sound high strung and controlling.

+1

Don’t do it OP. Never ever ever turns out well, and could impact your relationship with your sister for a very long time. And her husband. And any kids they have.

But it will also impact our relationship when they get married, have kids, and realize they can't afford one of them to stay home and want me to watch their kids. I am not willing to do that

That's a lot of projecting and all you are doing is being selfish and thinking about yourself. That is just messed up on your part. You are willing to ruin your sister's life because someday in the future it might have some negative impact on you. Might! Nobody makes you do anything, you never have to watch her kids. JHC!!

I don't consider trying to nudge her toward waiting until her fiancé is graduated and producing and income selfish and ruining her life. It is smart planning.

[Anonymous]

Being a sahp requires hard work, organization, focus, and efficiency to manage both children and the household well. His untreated ADHD is going to get in the way of that, just like it's getting in the way of him finishing school and having a full-time job.

[Anonymous]

If you think that delaying the wedding would prevent or delay her from getting pregnant, I think it's you who needs more exposure to the real world. I would express your support for your sister, offer (one time, not in a patronizing way) to help them with things like resume writing or getting insurance, and expect you're going to have a niece or nephew in the next year or so whether they get married or not.

[Anonymous]

I would focus on budgeting. Start with discussing wedding budget and saving in fun ways. Then ask if she wants advice on longer term overall financial advice. Maybe pay for her to attend a few sessions with a financial planner.

[Anonymous]

JUST DON'T. It won't help and you'll destroy your relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

is he hot?

[Anonymous]

Instead of encourage her to push the wedding which she will see as a lack of support, encourage her to complete pre-wedding counselling for finances and compatibility in hopes that she figures it out herself. She absolutely needs to live independently (or better yet, with him) for a bit to get real-world perspective.

And absolutely pay for nothing.

[Anonymous]

You're in a really hard place. Whether to say something depends on whether you're close enough and she trusts you enough, and I would keep it fairly straightforward/focused on objective things.

Why is getting married a rush? Is she uninterested in first living together? You can even tell her they can save up more money for wedding if they take their time.

[Anonymous]

Concentrate on helping her get an IUD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you expose your sister to the reality of the world without being preachy? What nice things cost? Struggles of being an adult?

Ask questions, about him and about their plans. Where are you planning to live? Can you afford that on your salary? (Maybe insert something about your experience and how it was harder than you thought.) What will fiance do? Etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can say something, as a big sister, but then you have to give her your full support once she declines to take your advice. Say your piece, once, then let it go. If it's a mistake, it's her mistake and it's a mistake from which many people recover.

+1
If she's really into having a wedding, maybe you could say something like "if you guys waited until a year after John graduates and you are both working, think about what a nice wedding you could have!"