OMG, this is so hard and exhausting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See if you can have husband rearrange his schedule a bit. 6 am is very early to be leaving and so leaves you doing everything in the morning. If he can’t do that, then why not have him deal with pick up as he should get out of work fairly early?

That's my question too. I leave before anyone else is awake in my house, but I also make sure DD's stuff is packed and ready to go, so DH can just grab her bag in the morning. I also get off work at 3:30, so I do pickup and evening stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See if you can have husband rearrange his schedule a bit. 6 am is very early to be leaving and so leaves you doing everything in the morning. If he can’t do that, then why not have him deal with pick up as he should get out of work fairly early?

We schedule ourselves so DH handles drop off and I handle pick up. I work 6:30-2:30 and DH works 9:30-5:30. There is no aftercare for DS, I pick him up from school and handle homework, dinner, and Cub Scouts. DH coaches Baseball so he handles that activity, making lunch in the morning and breakfast. We both neglect folding laundry and general pick up because we like spending time together. So we have a house that is a but messy, not awful because we have cleaning people come every other week, and sometimes pull laundry out of the baskets but DS is able to be home after school and do his activities.

We eat meals together on the weekend.

If you DH is leaving for work at 6, can he be home by 3 or 4 and pick up your DS and handle the afternoon routine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See if you can have husband rearrange his schedule a bit. 6 am is very early to be leaving and so leaves you doing everything in the morning. If he can’t do that, then why not have him deal with pick up as he should get out of work fairly early?

That's my question too. I leave before anyone else is awake in my house, but I also make sure DD's stuff is packed and ready to go, so DH can just grab her bag in the morning. I also get off work at 3:30, so I do pickup and evening stuff.

This right here. DH needs to carry his weight here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you trying to do everything? What does your husband do? If you're doing all the morning stuff, and all the evening stuff....he needs to do something. Or, a lot of things.

Meaning he needs to be working like a dog at housework when he gets home if have done 100% of the child care so far that day.

Because it is so much better for Mom to come home from working all day to handle the child care and housework?

[Anonymous]

It's just hard and exhausting when they are young, OP.

My husband travels for work every other week so I am on my own half the time. I work full time in a fairly demanding job. My oldest is a few months away from turning 3 and baby is 1. I usually spend my entire Sunday preparing for the week. We grocery shop, make as much food ahead of time as possible, prep the basics for lunches, and lay out outfits. We stock up on staples like milk at Costco - we have a second fridge in the garage for extra space. Amazon Prime for all other household supplies - diapers, etc. Laundry is a near-daily occurrence - I basically toss in a load as soon as I get home each night, and then fold after the kids are in bed. The weeks when my husband is home, he does ALL the house-related chores and morning drop off. If yours is around on a daily basis, he needs to take more on. Can he do pick up?

I don't know when it gets easier... perhaps when both kids can get themselves up and ready. We're nowhere near there yet. Yes, I am exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Why are you having to do 100% of the childcare? That does not sounds feasible or fair. Your DH needs to handle either the am or pm shift, or if he can't, then you hire someone to do it. Those are your only options!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you having to do 100% of the childcare? That does not sounds feasible or fair. Your DH needs to handle either the am or pm shift, or if he can't, then you hire someone to do it. Those are your only options!

This is partly dependent on his job and their income distribution. If her husband makes bulk of income, and leaving at 4pm isn’t in the cards for his field, then this arrangement makes sense.

I assume OP already works part time bc I don’t know of any SACC program that would allow a 8.5 hr day and 45 minute commute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you having to do 100% of the childcare? That does not sounds feasible or fair. Your DH needs to handle either the am or pm shift, or if he can't, then you hire someone to do it. Those are your only options!

This is partly dependent on his job and their income distribution. If her husband makes bulk of income, and leaving at 4pm isn’t in the cards for his field, then this arrangement makes sense.

I assume OP already works part time bc I don’t know of any SACC program that would allow a 8.5 hr day and 45 minute commute.

NP here. No idea where OP is, but here in Loudoun, the elementary schools open the doors at 7:30am and aftercare (called CASA here) is open until 6:00pm. So yes enough for a full time job and a commute. You could theoretically commute 7:30 - 8:15, work 8:15-5:15, and be at aftercare by 6pm. But I agree that's tight and miserable for the kid. Parents do need to stagger schedules ideally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you having to do 100% of the childcare? That does not sounds feasible or fair. Your DH needs to handle either the am or pm shift, or if he can't, then you hire someone to do it. Those are your only options!

This is partly dependent on his job and their income distribution. If her husband makes bulk of income, and leaving at 4pm isn’t in the cards for his field, then this arrangement makes sense.

I assume OP already works part time bc I don’t know of any SACC program that would allow a 8.5 hr day and 45 minute commute.

If OP's husband leaves the house at 6am, he can leave work in time for SACC pick up. Or, he can do drop off and let OP do pick up and work a later schedule. If he's burning the candle at both ends at work its not fair to OP (or the kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you having to do 100% of the childcare? That does not sounds feasible or fair. Your DH needs to handle either the am or pm shift, or if he can't, then you hire someone to do it. Those are your only options!

This is partly dependent on his job and their income distribution. If her husband makes bulk of income, and leaving at 4pm isn’t in the cards for his field, then this arrangement makes sense.

I assume OP already works part time bc I don’t know of any SACC program that would allow a 8.5 hr day and 45 minute commute.

If he's making a boatload, then they need to throw money at this issue. If not, and assuming it's not a temporary thing (like a medical residency or something), they need to rethink. It's so hard and exhausting because the OP is doing way too much.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to everyone else's life. You'll develop routines, and you'll find ways to make it easier (for example, I haven't set foot in a grocery store or any store for that matter in months).

[Anonymous]

OP, I was you. Exactly you.

When we ditched the nanny I outsourced more. Started grocery delivery (life changing), went to a weekly housecleaner, outsourced yard care. That gave me my weekends, mostly. I developed a routine of very quick and easy weeknight dinners. I kept up with the laundry all week so that it wasn't piling up for the weekend and did all folding and putting away Saturday mornings.

One day a week, I got a sitter that could pick my kids up so that I at least had one day a week when I knew I wasn't under the gun and could stay at work.

I really developed a network of sitters at that point too. Made sure I had a few I could call to cover things. My husband at that point traveled a lot.

Good luck. It does get easier when they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you having to do 100% of the childcare? That does not sounds feasible or fair. Your DH needs to handle either the am or pm shift, or if he can't, then you hire someone to do it. Those are your only options!

This is partly dependent on his job and their income distribution. If her husband makes bulk of income, and leaving at 4pm isn’t in the cards for his field, then this arrangement makes sense.

I assume OP already works part time bc I don’t know of any SACC program that would allow a 8.5 hr day and 45 minute commute.

Some people have husbands who travel a lot or who really do have all-consuming jobs. OP knows if this is her or not. At that point, you need practical advice from people who have been there, done that, not advice to "make your husband do more".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you having to do 100% of the childcare? That does not sounds feasible or fair. Your DH needs to handle either the am or pm shift, or if he can't, then you hire someone to do it. Those are your only options!

This is partly dependent on his job and their income distribution. If her husband makes bulk of income, and leaving at 4pm isn’t in the cards for his field, then this arrangement makes sense.

I assume OP already works part time bc I don’t know of any SACC program that would allow a 8.5 hr day and 45 minute commute.

If he's making a boatload, then they need to throw money at this issue. If not, and assuming it's not a temporary thing (like a medical residency or something), they need to rethink. It's so hard and exhausting because the OP is doing way too much.

What’s a boatload?

[Anonymous]

So I would say that the mornings do get easier. For 4 months of the year, I have my 3 kids (5, 3, almost 1) in the morning alone 4 or 5 days a week. (The rest of the year, it’s more like 1-3 with 1 as the mode.) The first few weeks were rough... now that we have our routine down and I know exactly what to do when and the kids know what to expect, I am still exhausted (though the baby still gets up at 5, so that doesn’t help), but no longer perpetually annoyed/anxious. Good luck... it’s hard.