Couples who have successfully survived a mid life crisis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting responses. My wife is in one, we have it all but she is constantly complaining. On one hand I want her gone but I know for our kids I should give it an effort. It's hard to be motivated toake it work with a brooding and cold person

I agree! It’s draining to be around someone so un happy and moody. I’m tired of being pushed away.

+1. If the opportunity arose for affection and fun and passion I don’t know that I would pass it up. Constant rejection and indifference sucks the life out of you.

Exactly. I would easily have a NSA fling if I could. This has been hell and I could use some fun.

[Anonymous]

The best way to move on from spouses midlife crisis is to have your own. Best if spouse already had his/her crisis years before because then she/he can better understand the pain when they are on the other end.

[Belle138]

Anonymous wrote:The best way to move on from spouses midlife crisis is to have your own. Best if spouse already had his/her crisis years before because then she/he can better understand the pain when they are on the other end.

As in have an affair too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting responses. My wife is in one, we have it all but she is constantly complaining. On one hand I want her gone but I know for our kids I should give it an effort. It's hard to be motivated toake it work with a brooding and cold person

I'm curious. What is she complaining about. My sister was miserable in her job and she could have afforded to quit 10 years earlier. Her husband didn't want a SAHM and was very controlling of the money. I wish she would have stood up to him instead of being miserable for 20 years. Are some of your DW's complaints legit?

I agree about the complaining, can't stand people who are negative. Either fix the circumstances, or accept it. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Huh??? Why is the choice between staying in a job she hates vs. not working at all? Why couldn't she just change jobs?

"My sister was miserable in her job and she could have afforded to quit 10 years earlier. Her husband didn't want a SAHM and was very controlling of the money. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a man has a midlife crisis and wants “freedom” the couple almost always divorces based on many friends and family that have gone through this. If your the wife, I’d start getting your ducks in a row.

Same when the woman has a crisis and decides she "settled" and "deserves better".

That's my XW right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best way to move on from spouses midlife crisis is to have your own. Best if spouse already had his/her crisis years before because then she/he can better understand the pain when they are on the other end.

It's nice to think so, but I am now too busy taking care of my kids to have a midlife crisis - and meanwhile my ex is still as lazy, useless, and self-absorbed as ever, so I doubt it will ever be "my turn".

[Anonymous]

I think the only thing that makes it surmountable is if the person experiencing the mid-life crisis has the self-awareness to not freak out and think this is something unusual or unexpected. Maybe the goal is for more people to be open about this experience and set an example for others of how to do it right. Just because you hit a phase when you question your life choices and look at the expanse of time ahead of you with concerns doesn't mean you have to abandon your family. And as they say, you take your problems with you, so leaving your spouse isn't the solution. If a married person knows that their partner would be okay with career redirection or moving or whatever, that might give the person with the problem the freedom to go through the crisis without destroying everything in their path. In my case, XH had zero ability to be self-reflective and wouldn't even agree to a physical check up. To this day I'm convinced he may have had a mini stroke or something that scrambled his mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the only thing that makes it surmountable is if the person experiencing the mid-life crisis has the self-awareness to not freak out and think this is something unusual or unexpected. Maybe the goal is for more people to be open about this experience and set an example for others of how to do it right. Just because you hit a phase when you question your life choices and look at the expanse of time ahead of you with concerns doesn't mean you have to abandon your family. And as they say, you take your problems with you, so leaving your spouse isn't the solution. If a married person knows that their partner would be okay with career redirection or moving or whatever, that might give the person with the problem the freedom to go through the crisis without destroying everything in their path. In my case, XH had zero ability to be self-reflective and wouldn't even agree to a physical check up. To this day I'm convinced he may have had a mini stroke or something that scrambled his mind.

I agree with this so much. If my husband could see as an ally and not an out of nowhere enemy then I could help him with these hard feelings while NOT putting out family at risk.

[Anonymous]

I'm going through my own right now, probably triggered by my own work in therapy. I'm not blowing up anything, I haven't abandoned my family. But I am making more demands and I'm becoming selfish for the first time in a decade (in a healthy way, I hope). I'm (so far) making healthy choices -- making and keeping all of my health appointments, losing weight and getting fit, exploring interesting hobbies, being more social and going out with friends, pursuing intellectual and creative interests, telling my kids and DH no sometimes, putting myself first for the first time in a decade. No one is being neglected, chores still done, kids still cared for. Just putting myself first. My DH is being really supportive. I've been there for him thru his own crises. I'm angry and sad but I'm not taking it out on anybody. I'm talking it out in therapy. For everyone else going thru this, or with someone going thru this, please hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through my own right now, probably triggered by my own work in therapy. I'm not blowing up anything, I haven't abandoned my family. But I am making more demands and I'm becoming selfish for the first time in a decade (in a healthy way, I hope). I'm (so far) making healthy choices -- making and keeping all of my health appointments, losing weight and getting fit, exploring interesting hobbies, being more social and going out with friends, pursuing intellectual and creative interests, telling my kids and DH no sometimes, putting myself first for the first time in a decade. No one is being neglected, chores still done, kids still cared for. Just putting myself first. My DH is being really supportive. I've been there for him thru his own crises. I'm angry and sad but I'm not taking it out on anybody. I'm talking it out in therapy. For everyone else going thru this, or with someone going thru this, please hang in there.

Same. I took a new job about 2 years ago, and I have prioritized my work travel so I can get ahead. DH's job was the priority during the kids' early years, and now I'm ramping up mine. He is proud that I'm doing this, and has increased his load of the household stuff to accommodate me. It's very satisfying.

[Anonymous]

Therapy helped, antidepressants, enough maturity to keep our heads on and not blow the whole thing up, understanding it was a part of the life span, Our Love for our children....all kept us off from jumping off the ledge. It was a subtle process over years. Both into 50's now, its clearer that we want to try to make it to the end together. We are stronger. But Life, marriage and children are hard even when it's a beautiful life. We just accept this now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy helped, antidepressants, enough maturity to keep our heads on and not blow the whole thing up, understanding it was a part of the life span, Our Love for our children....all kept us off from jumping off the ledge. It was a subtle process over years. Both into 50's now, its clearer that we want to try to make it to the end together. We are stronger. But Life, marriage and children are hard even when it's a beautiful life. We just accept this now.

So agree with this sentiment. It’s a life phase that happens and if you expect it, you can ride it out better. Of course both parties have to realize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through my own right now, probably triggered by my own work in therapy. I'm not blowing up anything, I haven't abandoned my family. But I am making more demands and I'm becoming selfish for the first time in a decade (in a healthy way, I hope). I'm (so far) making healthy choices -- making and keeping all of my health appointments, losing weight and getting fit, exploring interesting hobbies, being more social and going out with friends, pursuing intellectual and creative interests, telling my kids and DH no sometimes, putting myself first for the first time in a decade. No one is being neglected, chores still done, kids still cared for. Just putting myself first. My DH is being really supportive. I've been there for him thru his own crises. I'm angry and sad but I'm not taking it out on anybody. I'm talking it out in therapy. For everyone else going thru this, or with someone going thru this, please hang in there.

Same. I took a new job about 2 years ago, and I have prioritized my work travel so I can get ahead. DH's job was the priority during the kids' early years, and now I'm ramping up mine. He is proud that I'm doing this, and has increased his load of the household stuff to accommodate me. It's very satisfying.

I wish DWs midlife crisis was just her changing careers. Once a week is seem like its a new demand, and anytime there is the slightest disagreement between us she wants a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through my own right now, probably triggered by my own work in therapy. I'm not blowing up anything, I haven't abandoned my family. But I am making more demands and I'm becoming selfish for the first time in a decade (in a healthy way, I hope). I'm (so far) making healthy choices -- making and keeping all of my health appointments, losing weight and getting fit, exploring interesting hobbies, being more social and going out with friends, pursuing intellectual and creative interests, telling my kids and DH no sometimes, putting myself first for the first time in a decade. No one is being neglected, chores still done, kids still cared for. Just putting myself first. My DH is being really supportive. I've been there for him thru his own crises. I'm angry and sad but I'm not taking it out on anybody. I'm talking it out in therapy. For everyone else going thru this, or with someone going thru this, please hang in there.

Same. I took a new job about 2 years ago, and I have prioritized my work travel so I can get ahead. DH's job was the priority during the kids' early years, and now I'm ramping up mine. He is proud that I'm doing this, and has increased his load of the household stuff to accommodate me. It's very satisfying.

I wish DWs midlife crisis was just her changing careers. Once a week is seem like its a new demand, and anytime there is the slightest disagreement between us she wants a divorce.

She has an AP. Sorry.