Couples who have successfully survived a mid life crisis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh??? Why is the choice between staying in a job she hates vs. not working at all? Why couldn't she just change jobs?

"My sister was miserable in her job and she could have afforded to quit 10 years earlier. Her husband didn't want a SAHM and was very controlling of the money. "

For one they were in a resort town, not many options. Mainly she didn't want to work outside the home and have 2 jobs. She wanted to be home, and they could have afforded it. Basically she married the wrong guy, and didn't put her foot down.

[Anonymous]

M here. I had one in my late 40's. I was ready to throw everything away to chase girl I knew in HS. I was actually planning on separating so I would not feel guilty with an affair. I was definitely having an EA, but wanted more. (Wife had not consented to sex in quite a while).

It all ended when I was diagnosed with cancer. Metastatic cancer. 7 years ago I was given a 10% chance of surviving 3 years. I did not see the point, and then the treatments made me feel like crap. I ended the EA.

Later, wife found out (using my account to post updates about my surgery).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M here. I had one in my late 40's. I was ready to throw everything away to chase girl I knew in HS. I was actually planning on separating so I would not feel guilty with an affair. I was definitely having an EA, but wanted more. (Wife had not consented to sex in quite a while).

It all ended when I was diagnosed with cancer. Metastatic cancer. 7 years ago I was given a 10% chance of surviving 3 years. I did not see the point, and then the treatments made me feel like crap. I ended the EA.

Later, wife found out (using my account to post updates about my surgery).

So what happened? Now that your wife has helped you through cancer and done the hard work, are you ready to move on and find happiness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M here. I had one in my late 40's. I was ready to throw everything away to chase girl I knew in HS. I was actually planning on separating so I would not feel guilty with an affair. I was definitely having an EA, but wanted more. (Wife had not consented to sex in quite a while).

It all ended when I was diagnosed with cancer. Metastatic cancer. 7 years ago I was given a 10% chance of surviving 3 years. I did not see the point, and then the treatments made me feel like crap. I ended the EA.

Later, wife found out (using my account to post updates about my surgery).

What happened, did you work through it, it sounds like it was a tough time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:M here. I had one in my late 40's. I was ready to throw everything away to chase girl I knew in HS. I was actually planning on separating so I would not feel guilty with an affair. I was definitely having an EA, but wanted more. (Wife had not consented to sex in quite a while).

It all ended when I was diagnosed with cancer. Metastatic cancer. 7 years ago I was given a 10% chance of surviving 3 years. I did not see the point, and then the treatments made me feel like crap. I ended the EA.

Later, wife found out (using my account to post updates about my surgery).

So what happened? Now that your wife has helped you through cancer and done the hard work, are you ready to move on and find happiness?

We are still together. And I realize and admit that I was wrong. I apologized. We seem to be good

[Anonymous]

^ so just the apology made her ok? What changed for you? What was your realization th a t led to change in mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ so just the apology made her ok? What changed for you? What was your realization th a t led to change in mind?

For me, it was the realization that life is short (the cancer), and I was chasing a memories not reality. For her, it was time. This was 7+ years ago. And there was no physical component to the relationship with the OW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ so just the apology made her ok? What changed for you? What was your realization th a t led to change in mind?

For me, it was the realization that life is short (the cancer), and I was chasing a memories not reality. For her, it was time. This was 7+ years ago. And there was no physical component to the relationship with the OW.

I should add, she never would talk about it, so I am just guessing about her. And I no longer have secret discussions with anyone. Now, my only infidelity is she thinks I spend way too much time thinking about Baseball...and too many $$$ on Nats WS gear. But, she does not understand, buying a replica WS trophy is a legit expense .)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting responses. My wife is in one, we have it all but she is constantly complaining. On one hand I want her gone but I know for our kids I should give it an effort. It's hard to be motivated toake it work with a brooding and cold person

Has she always been like this, though, to some extent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ so just the apology made her ok? What changed for you? What was your realization th a t led to change in mind?

For me, it was the realization that life is short (the cancer), and I was chasing a memories not reality. For her, it was time. This was 7+ years ago. And there was no physical component to the relationship with the OW.

I should add, she never would talk about it, so I am just guessing about her. And I no longer have secret discussions with anyone. Now, my only infidelity is she thinks I spend way too much time thinking about Baseball...and too many $$$ on Nats WS gear. But, she does not understand, buying a replica WS trophy is a legit expense .)

Good for you that it worked out. I think the credit goes to your wife since she decided to stay on after discovering the emails.

Wondering if anything besides a cancer like event would have otherwise prevented you from following the path to the other relationship in hindsight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ so just the apology made her ok? What changed for you? What was your realization th a t led to change in mind?

For me, it was the realization that life is short (the cancer), and I was chasing a memories not reality. For her, it was time. This was 7+ years ago. And there was no physical component to the relationship with the OW.

I should add, she never would talk about it, so I am just guessing about her. And I no longer have secret discussions with anyone. Now, my only infidelity is she thinks I spend way too much time thinking about Baseball...and too many $$$ on Nats WS gear. But, she does not understand, buying a replica WS trophy is a legit expense .)

Good for you that it worked out. I think the credit goes to your wife since she decided to stay on after discovering the emails.

Wondering if anything besides a cancer like event would have otherwise prevented you from following the path to the other relationship in hindsight?

Yes. Guilt. I may have stopped because of guilt. I have game when doing things on line, but not in person.

[Anonymous]

^ thanks for responding.