Friends divorced: ex-wife mad at me for accepting family invitation from ex-husband for 4th of July

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am of the opinion that its impossible to stay mutual friends with a couple after they divorce.
You didn't do anything wrong, It's just one of those things.

Divorced people act crazy. They try to divide up their friends as if you are the china set from their wedding. Eventually I think this behavior subsides but it takes years and by then you won't be friends with one of the couple.

-child of divorce, still unpleasantly surprised by behavior from divorced friends

Completely agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s just hurt. Realistically, she should be happy that you still take time to see her kids and like her ex. But think of this: she imagined all of you over there (the kids too) having fun like the good old days... while she was home alone. That stings. Be patient with her. Divorce is really hard.

Especially if she is better friends with the wife, plus doesn't sound like a friendly divorce. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be friends with people that were seeing my ex. I wouldn't want the ex to know my business, why it's sometimes best to start over.

[Anonymous]

Something is missing here.

Why did he say, "sorry I put you in this position"? Why did he invite you then if he knew his ex would be upset? Was that the real reason he invited you guys on a holiday? Did the wife ever confide or say bad things about him during the divorce process? Exes do things all the time to get back at each other. OP I think there's more going on here.

[Anonymous]

You should invite her and the kids over for a barbeque soon. That’s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s just hurt. Realistically, she should be happy that you still take time to see her kids and like her ex. But think of this: she imagined all of you over there (the kids too) having fun like the good old days... while she was home alone. That stings. Be patient with her. Divorce is really hard.

Especially if she is better friends with the wife, plus doesn't sound like a friendly divorce. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be friends with people that were seeing my ex. I wouldn't want the ex to know my business, why it's sometimes best to start over.

Well that’s very immature. I wouldn’t want our friends to completely cut off my husband if we divorced nor would I expect them to. They do like him and are friends with him. I can see Op’s friend’s hurt *since she is currently in the situation* but as a rational person on the outside I would hope we’d all agree there’s nothing inherently bad about staying friendly with both exes. I’m sure they didn’t even talk about the ex wife enough to “share her business.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am of the opinion that its impossible to stay mutual friends with a couple after they divorce.
You didn't do anything wrong, It's just one of those things.

+1

Lost a college friend over same. The DHs in our group bonded, and when the first divorce came about (one-sided, hers), it was "pick sides, mine, or good-bye." While I figured this was short-term and reactionary, DH continued to be in touch with x-DH and other guys...they live out of state so no big deal I thought. Wrong. Big deal. Excommunicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s just hurt. Realistically, she should be happy that you still take time to see her kids and like her ex. But think of this: she imagined all of you over there (the kids too) having fun like the good old days... while she was home alone. That stings. Be patient with her. Divorce is really hard.

Especially if she is better friends with the wife, plus doesn't sound like a friendly divorce. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be friends with people that were seeing my ex. I wouldn't want the ex to know my business, why it's sometimes best to start over.

Well that’s very immature. I wouldn’t want our friends to completely cut off my husband if we divorced nor would I expect them to. They do like him and are friends with him. I can see Op’s friend’s hurt *since she is currently in the situation* but as a rational person on the outside I would hope we’d all agree there’s nothing inherently bad about staying friendly with both exes. I’m sure they didn’t even talk about the ex wife enough to “share her business.”

I gave up on being friends with people who still associated with my ex after I told them he physically abused me.

[Anonymous]

Of course she was upset! You all were at a BBQ and she was alone.

[Anonymous]

I think she’s going through a rough time and not thinking straight. If she’s been a good friend and you love her, forgive her.

Give her some space, then reach out.

[Anonymous]

I’m divorcing, and wouldn’t be mad. But that’s me. People sometimes see these things differently. Just give her time and she’ll come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something is missing here.

Why did he say, "sorry I put you in this position"? Why did he invite you then if he knew his ex would be upset? Was that the real reason he invited you guys on a holiday? Did the wife ever confide or say bad things about him during the divorce process? Exes do things all the time to get back at each other. OP I think there's more going on here.

He apologized because he knew the crazy she was about to have to deal with. He lived with it.

[Anonymous]

In a similar situation, I told both sides that I did not pick sides. I chose to remain friends with both of them and would not discuss what happened in their marriage and would not believe one over the other. I would continue to be friends with both, but did not and would not take verbal abuse for keeping neutral towards them both.

In my situation, one of the exes chose to believe that by not cutting off the other, that I was taking the other's side and then stopped spending time with me. I let that person know that I was still open to being friends if they did not try to control my friendship with the ex. The ex chose to cut me off. Their loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s just hurt. Realistically, she should be happy that you still take time to see her kids and like her ex. But think of this: she imagined all of you over there (the kids too) having fun like the good old days... while she was home alone. That stings. Be patient with her. Divorce is really hard.

Especially if she is better friends with the wife, plus doesn't sound like a friendly divorce. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be friends with people that were seeing my ex. I wouldn't want the ex to know my business, why it's sometimes best to start over.

Well that’s very immature. I wouldn’t want our friends to completely cut off my husband if we divorced nor would I expect them to. They do like him and are friends with him. I can see Op’s friend’s hurt *since she is currently in the situation* but as a rational person on the outside I would hope we’d all agree there’s nothing inherently bad about staying friendly with both exes. I’m sure they didn’t even talk about the ex wife enough to “share her business.”

I gave up on being friends with people who still associated with my ex after I told them he physically abused me.

That’s obviously different

[Anonymous]

Another reason to ignore the posters on this site who suggest divorce as the solution to every relationship struggle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something is missing here.

Why did he say, "sorry I put you in this position"? Why did he invite you then if he knew his ex would be upset? Was that the real reason he invited you guys on a holiday? Did the wife ever confide or say bad things about him during the divorce process? Exes do things all the time to get back at each other. OP I think there's more going on here.

And how did she know you went?