Encouraging my teen to get drivers license

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop giving rides and take away the bus pass. Take him to an empty lot but don't tell him what you are doing and teach him one day. Let him get over the initial fear and don't give him advanced notice to say no.

If he doesnt ask for rides and uses his pass to get everywhere. then whats the problem?

[Anonymous]

If your child doesn't need you to drive them anywhere. then I would let this slide for awhile. Once your child has his license, then you must add them to your insurance ($1500 per year estimate). I would be more insistent that a child get their license sometime during their senior year in high school. This way, they can practice under your supervision, but can use a zip car (if needed) in college.

[Anonymous]

If your child doesn't need you to drive them anywhere. then I would let this slide for awhile. Once your child has his license, then you must add them to your insurance ($1500 per year estimate). I would be more insistent that a child get their license sometime during their senior year in high school. This way, they can practice under your supervision, but can use a zip car (if needed) in college.

+1. Not all kids are equally ready and eager to drive at 16. My DD started off quite eager and ended up getting her license three months shy of her 18th birthday. DS started off very reluctant and ended up getting his license at 16 1/2. We didn't push either one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop using “anxiety” as an excuse for your kids. They’re “anxious” because they never leave their comfort zone with their indulgent parents.

Wishing you the karma you deserve, and much besides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16 DS doesn’t seem to want to get one. Now granted, there isn’t a new car (or even used one) waiting for him at the end of the rainbow but truly, how many more times do I need to ask him, ‘Wanna go take the test?’ Or course I realize things are different now than it was in 1985 when I got my license and needed it to go my after school job, but come on! Turn off the video games and get to it! I don’t drive him anywhere, so I can’t alter that. He uses his bus pass for everything. But my husband and I are practically begging him to get it so we can get him in the car, really to start feeling more independent. I actually want him to feel this accomplishment. Any guidance from those who came before me? Is this just the generation who stays at home more and communicates with friends virtually?

This generation is not our generation, where we had no way to connect with peers without cars, and of course the culture was a car-culture (OP, we grew up with CHiPs, Dukes of Hazzard, Emergency!, Knight Rider, Magnum PI, Streets of San Francisco, etc).

We had a reason to drive. Your DS has no reason to drive.

You have to give him a reason to want it. I don't know what that is for you....you have to find something!

My 16 DD did not want to learn and of course now is so happy she did. She loves her summer job at her high school's bookstore, so that became the necessity for her as there is no school bus in the summer. Also, she loves hot yoga, and that is only within driving distance (or by bus, but we didn't explore the bus).

So you need to find a reason for him to drive. It's like doing laundry, or keeping their room clean. Some won't do it until they see the need to.

It is important that you figure this out now, because the only people in his life who will help him drive safely will be the two of you. All other people will be his peers, trying to distract him. So it's good for him to learn while under your roof, vs. at college or afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop using “anxiety” as an excuse for your kids. They’re “anxious” because they never leave their comfort zone with their indulgent parents.

No. My DD was born anxious. Has always had a hard time with changes, loud noises, parties with lots of kids/people, etc. She is, in fact, an anxious person. And as a result, she likes to stay at home. I had to push her to learn to ride a bike -- finally -- at 9 yrs old. I had to push her for YEARS to learn to swim. I think she did level ONE swim lessons 5 times. That was after we did the preschool swim and the parent/me swim multiple times. She's anxious by nature.

PP, why don't you shove your sanctimonious judgment up your behind?

[Anonymous]

I was pushed to get my license by parents and hated driving for years. Then I moved to a city where I could take the subway for almost a decade and it was such a relief not to have the stress of driving. Now I'm in my early 30's and started driving again about a year ago and its' the first time in my life I haven't felt intense anxiety on highways and heavy traffic situations. I totally understand if your teen is nervous about it and doesn't want to admit it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop using “anxiety” as an excuse for your kids. They’re “anxious” because they never leave their comfort zone with their indulgent parents.

No. My DD was born anxious. Has always had a hard time with changes, loud noises, parties with lots of kids/people, etc. She is, in fact, an anxious person. And as a result, she likes to stay at home. I had to push her to learn to ride a bike -- finally -- at 9 yrs old. I had to push her for YEARS to learn to swim. I think she did level ONE swim lessons 5 times. That was after we did the preschool swim and the parent/me swim multiple times. She's anxious by nature.

PP, why don't you shove your sanctimonious judgment up your behind?

LOUD NOISES

[Anonymous]

Why would you WANT your kid to get their license? Maybe the kid isnt mature enough to Drive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you WANT your kid to get their license? Maybe the kid isnt mature enough to Drive?

Those are the ones who need lots of practice in small doses. Plus, time will be flying by when school starts and then there are college visits next summer and SAT prep to do...and suddenly it is hard to find time for practice driving.

[Anonymous]

All excellent points. Truly appreciate this list for exactly this reason. Good solid advice and we will be moving forward with his license ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you WANT your kid to get their license? Maybe the kid isnt mature enough to Drive?

Those are the ones who need lots of practice in small doses. Plus, time will be flying by when school starts and then there are college visits next summer and SAT prep to do...and suddenly it is hard to find time for practice driving.

This is a good point. I've gotten my DS's drivers ed out of the way this summer, the in-car instruction with the driving school is scheduled for early August, and then we'll get the other required hours with Mom and Dad in before he can get his provisional in early spring. DS plays a virtually year-round sport and has SATs, ACTs, etc. coming up.

[Anonymous]

Some kids are anxious about it. Those I know of are now 18 and still no license. Not good. Take teen for practice runs in safe places, large parking lots after stores close. Early mornings on a straight stretch. The permit test is easy enough to practice online for a few hours over the summer and quick test DMV. But you can start getting them acclimated behind the wheel without a permit.

DS just turned 16 in April. He got his permit a week after his birthday. Drives (with us) every day. He drives with friends in vehicle and either me or dad. He's in summer drivers ed now. It's easier to take drivers ed during the summer. It's 5 weeks, every day until early August. Not easy to do during the school year. Drivers ed certification = insurance discount.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the great info. Any good driver school recs in the DMV area?

[Anonymous]

Too anxious to drive? Sweet mother of jesus what are we becoming? Can you imagine any member of the greatest generation saying they were too nervous to drive. You are not helping your kids by indulging this nonsense.