If 1st yr grades were subpar, unreasonable to demand DC live on campus 2nd yr?

[Anonymous]

My ds got better grades second year when not living on the campus. He was in dorms the first year. I don't think it makes any difference. Possibly having your own room might be more conducive to studying.

[Anonymous]

Your child should live at home and work sophomore year. I bet that will energize them to make good grades and get back to campus and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, as the parent paying for it you tell them where they are living. You tell them they will live on campus and their grades will be B's or better or they will need to pay for it themselves. If they cannot maintain B's they need to change their major.

+1. I'm sorry, OP... I missed the part where your DC is paying for at least part of this college experience, and therefore has the deciding vote in where s/he lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, as the parent paying for it you tell them where they are living. You tell them they will live on campus and their grades will be B's or better or they will need to pay for it themselves. If they cannot maintain B's they need to change their major.

Why?

My kid has subpar grades.

He is in a very hard program and is hanging on, but not excelling. I believe he is doing what he is supposed to be doing (studying) but had some transition shocks and issues. I don't want to punish him for outcomes. Life will do that for him if he doesn't figure it out. From me he needs support and compassion. He isn't happy about his performance, either.

[Anonymous]

NOT living in campus Sophomore year was a big contributor to me flunking out. It was much harder to be in study groups and much easier to sit around moping and goofing off. I would always recommend living in campus Sophomore year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Define “subpar” grades: what is her gpa right now?

around a 2.0 GPA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had terrible 1st year grades, while living in a dorm. I found living in a dorm torturous - loud, distracting, overwhelming. I moved into a group house Sophomore year and my grades improved every year beyond. I had my own bedroom, a kitchen to cook in, a little space between the intensity of campus and my own home. I had a sense of HOME living in a shared apartment that I never had in a dorm, and for me that was important. So, I don't think that linking grades to living situation is necessarily valid.

she was not in a loud or so called party dorm. my husband went to the same college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define “subpar” grades: what is her gpa right now?

around a 2.0 GPA

Okay.
So put the housing situation aside for a moment. What does your kid have to say about her grades? How much does she “own?” Is she blaming “unfair professors” or is she admitting that she didn’t ask for help when she needed it or focused on partying and not studying? What’s her plan for a different outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had terrible 1st year grades, while living in a dorm. I found living in a dorm torturous - loud, distracting, overwhelming. I moved into a group house Sophomore year and my grades improved every year beyond. I had my own bedroom, a kitchen to cook in, a little space between the intensity of campus and my own home. I had a sense of HOME living in a shared apartment that I never had in a dorm, and for me that was important. So, I don't think that linking grades to living situation is necessarily valid.

she was not in a loud or so called party dorm. my husband went to the same college.

I wasn’t either - but I am an introvert, and there was simply too many people around and I couldn’t get away. There were people in the bathroom, people in the common room, another person in my room. I hated it. An apartment with 3 other people was so much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define “subpar” grades: what is her gpa right now?

around a 2.0 GPA

Okay.
So put the housing situation aside for a moment. What does your kid have to say about her grades? How much does she “own?” Is she blaming “unfair professors” or is she admitting that she didn’t ask for help when she needed it or focused on partying and not studying? What’s her plan for a different outcome?

Don't take this the wrong way, why would answers to those questions appeal to us as parents? I promise I'll study harder and longer, mum and pa? Meaningless words, while we write very hefty cheques. A 19 yearold is going to say whatever they think we want to hear. But bottom line, tell me how living a mile from classes and libraries is in any way beneficial to a struggling student. No campus security, no RA, no proximity to academics. Seems antithesis of wise idea. And I'm not quite so sure we should be rewarding the poor performance with such fun and freedom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define “subpar” grades: what is her gpa right now?

around a 2.0 GPA

Okay.
So put the housing situation aside for a moment. What does your kid have to say about her grades? How much does she “own?” Is she blaming “unfair professors” or is she admitting that she didn’t ask for help when she needed it or focused on partying and not studying? What’s her plan for a different outcome?

Don't take this the wrong way, why would answers to those questions appeal to us as parents? I promise I'll study harder and longer, mum and pa? Meaningless words, while we write very hefty cheques. A 19 yearold is going to say whatever they think we want to hear. But bottom line, tell me how living a mile from classes and libraries is in any way beneficial to a struggling student. No campus security, no RA, no proximity to academics. Seems antithesis of wise idea. And I'm not quite so sure we should be rewarding the poor performance with such fun and freedom?

Well, clearly living in the dorm didn't work out for her, so I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to do here...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOT living in campus Sophomore year was a big contributor to me flunking out. It was much harder to be in study groups and much easier to sit around moping and goofing off. I would always recommend living in campus Sophomore year.

I predict the same fate. But it's quite difficult to flunk out. So I guess I predict more of the same? Back-to-back years of 2.0, we ought to be thrilled? Would you allow a child to continue year 3 and 4 on that path?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define “subpar” grades: what is her gpa right now?

around a 2.0 GPA

Okay.
So put the housing situation aside for a moment. What does your kid have to say about her grades? How much does she “own?” Is she blaming “unfair professors” or is she admitting that she didn’t ask for help when she needed it or focused on partying and not studying? What’s her plan for a different outcome?

Don't take this the wrong way, why would answers to those questions appeal to us as parents? I promise I'll study harder and longer, mum and pa? Meaningless words, while we write very hefty cheques. A 19 yearold is going to say whatever they think we want to hear. But bottom line, tell me how living a mile from classes and libraries is in any way beneficial to a struggling student. No campus security, no RA, no proximity to academics. Seems antithesis of wise idea. And I'm not quite so sure we should be rewarding the poor performance with such fun and freedom?

Well, clearly living in the dorm didn't work out for her, so I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to do here...

"my kid got sh*t grades when she lived in the dorms! since she performed so poorly while living in the dorms and we want her to do better, we're going to make her live in the dorms again."

Gee, how logical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define “subpar” grades: what is her gpa right now?

around a 2.0 GPA

Okay.
So put the housing situation aside for a moment. What does your kid have to say about her grades? How much does she “own?” Is she blaming “unfair professors” or is she admitting that she didn’t ask for help when she needed it or focused on partying and not studying? What’s her plan for a different outcome?

Don't take this the wrong way, why would answers to those questions appeal to us as parents? I promise I'll study harder and longer, mum and pa? Meaningless words, while we write very hefty cheques. A 19 yearold is going to say whatever they think we want to hear. But bottom line, tell me how living a mile from classes and libraries is in any way beneficial to a struggling student. No campus security, no RA, no proximity to academics. Seems antithesis of wise idea. And I'm not quite so sure we should be rewarding the poor performance with such fun and freedom?

The conversation treats her as an adult. I would want to hear what my kid says and not assume she’s saying something just to get her off her back. Listen to her with some respect. AND in a calm voice, share with her the conditions upon which you’re going to move forward: set a GPA of 3.0 as a minimum for first semester. Anything less than that, and payments for second semester stop.

[Anonymous]

Dorm living may very well have made her sick! Dorms are disgusting. I don't think living off campus at a school where most do is the problem. She is not doing well academically. She may need a tutor and some serious thought as to course selection. Give it one semester. If academic results are lacking, she may need to re-think college choice. Also, easier to wiggle out of off-campus lease.