Weekend plan with/without DH

[Anonymous]

Pp again. And I have the same early morning kid (a dd instead) and she's up and ready to go at 6 am. Half the time Dh takes her to play some legos in another room and brings me a cup of tea and I wake up slowly. Some days I help them get dressed and hair brushed and he leaves the house at 7 to get bagels and playground or grandparent time. Especially nice in the summer since it's gets so hot later.
Oh and you can also sign up DS for a morning weekend activity like swimming or soccer or gymnastics and dh takes Bonn

[Anonymous]

A 3 year old is telling you he prefers only going out with you and not with his dad? Either you’re baiting your toddler with loaded questions or you’re making this up. Either way, it’s not a good look for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

You've definitely posted similar questions before; you have a writing style that's very distinctive. I think your husband didn't play with or interact with your child to your liking. It sounds more like a relationship question for therapy than a parenting issue.

[Anonymous]

I think the main issue is that the 3 year old and OP are up and ready to start the day at 7 am while the DH is probably still sleeping and wants the first "out of the house" activity to be lunch. Most 3 year olds need to burn energy off in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DS wakes me up around 7am, and I am dying at home playing/stuck with him till lunch hour if we do DH's preferred activities. DS is high energy, and it is a lot easier if we both get out of house to breath & do something. DS is attached to me, and it is always I play with him or he play around me, and both of us goes from one activities to next activities (each lasts 5-30 min) at the house. DH does free-style parenting at home which he rarely plays with DS. That is how DH was raised growing up. It is always me taking care of DS at home, and DH does not want to help at all. He says that DS can play by himself for hours, but the problem is I am the one ends up playing with him for hours.

Of course we can alternative activities, and we did it sometimes. But on the day of his preferred activities, it always end up to the point that I am too exhausting to entertain or both of us gets bored at home. DS goes to full time daycare 5 days a week, and he is always looking forward to start his day & having fun early on weekend.

Yeah, I agree that we need to work on compromising. And, I need to work on my temper as well because I admit that I nag too much. That is why I say that it is a vent post.

Seek therapy or parenting help with your DH.

Your child does need to learn to entertain himself. He should not always be engaged with an adult. It sounds like you are the parent who thinks your kid always needs to be engaged and active and your DH thinks that your child needs to learn to do things solo. Our house is the reverse, my DH is far more likely to get down and play cars or trains or whatever with our son. I am far more likely to plan trips to the farm or pick fruit or hike or go toa museum. We have different strengths and that leads to slightly different roles. DS is 7 now and enjoys playing with us but can read a book on his own or play on his own or ask to see if a friend can come over.

You want your DH to be engaged 24/7 with DS because you feel it is a necessity and your DH doesn't. That is a different parenting philosophy and one that you need to sort out sooner rather then later.

Of course your kid is going to want you, you are his iPad. Your son knows that Dad will play with him for a certain amount of time and then tell him to play by himself. Of course DS is going to gravitate to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the main issue is that the 3 year old and OP are up and ready to start the day at 7 am while the DH is probably still sleeping and wants the first "out of the house" activity to be lunch. Most 3 year olds need to burn energy off in the morning.

Sure. But then, if OP wants to do her activity w/ DS alone, why can't she do that in the morning? Plan one that isn't an hour away and where DS doesn't have to leave "early" to meet DH for brunch; then have DH take him to the playground/for a walk while she does whatever (joins if she wants to; gets alone time if she doesn't). Alternatively, have DH do the playground in the morning (perhaps every other week if sleeping in is the real issue) and then meet OP for family lunch and then OP can do an afternoon outing w/ the kid.

FWIW parent-kid time and family time can both work. We have 3 young kids and, when DH isn't working, we typically split the kids for age appropriate activities in the morning and then do a family thing in the afternoon/evening; in the summer, when we have fewer activities, we typically do family outings, often to the pool. Our best friends also have 3 and they split the mornings so that one parent takes all 3 kids to activities (youngest often just hangs around) each morning so the other can sleep in or work and then they usually swap in the afternoons & do family evenings... Sometimes they all socialize as a family in the afternoon + evening w/ friends, etc. Less family time than is our style, but works for them. (And their marriage is strong, they do more date nights/alone time than we do; it's just a preference/work management thing.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reading that was exhausting.

+1!!!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are trying to micromanage your husbands preferences and interactions with his own kid. Those are reasonable things to do with a three year old. It’s also reasonable to expect your three year old to entertain themselves. That’s a skill he should have learned before now.

Also a three year old being upset about leaving an activity earlier than they want... so what? Kids get upset all the time. These little disappointments are how they learn to work through bigger disappointments later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've definitely posted similar questions before; you have a writing style that's very distinctive. I think your husband didn't play with or interact with your child to your liking. It sounds more like a relationship question for therapy than a parenting issue.

Is this the mom whose husband coaches soccer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 3 year old is telling you he prefers only going out with you and not with his dad? Either you’re baiting your toddler with loaded questions or you’re making this up. Either way, it’s not a good look for you, OP.

Agree. You are making your father-son relationship really unhealthy. There is nothing wrong with going to the playground, you are making things way complicated than they should be, a 3 year old doesn't NEED to do some special activity each and every single weekend that is one hour away. What your son needs is spending time with his parents, both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 3 year old is telling you he prefers only going out with you and not with his dad? Either you’re baiting your toddler with loaded questions or you’re making this up. Either way, it’s not a good look for you, OP.

Agree. You are making your father-son relationship really unhealthy. There is nothing wrong with going to the playground, you are making things way complicated than they should be, a 3 year old doesn't NEED to do some special activity each and every single weekend that is one hour away. What your son needs is spending time with his parents, both of them.

.

OP clearly just hates her husband and wants to make so her kid only likes her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've definitely posted similar questions before; you have a writing style that's very distinctive. I think your husband didn't play with or interact with your child to your liking. It sounds more like a relationship question for therapy than a parenting issue.

Is this the mom whose husband coaches soccer?

I don't think so. It was basically the exact same issue ("Husband doesn't interact with our child the way I do; how do I get him to do it my way?") but couched in a different kind of rant. It's tiresome to read because she doesn't seem to like or respect DH's approach very much and needs to communicate better with him, instead of lightly playing it off as a "super relatable" type of rant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the main issue is that the 3 year old and OP are up and ready to start the day at 7 am while the DH is probably still sleeping and wants the first "out of the house" activity to be lunch. Most 3 year olds need to burn energy off in the morning.

Sure. But then, if OP wants to do her activity w/ DS alone, why can't she do that in the morning? Plan one that isn't an hour away and where DS doesn't have to leave "early" to meet DH for brunch; then have DH take him to the playground/for a walk while she does whatever (joins if she wants to; gets alone time if she doesn't). Alternatively, have DH do the playground in the morning (perhaps every other week if sleeping in is the real issue) and then meet OP for family lunch and then OP can do an afternoon outing w/ the kid.

FWIW parent-kid time and family time can both work. We have 3 young kids and, when DH isn't working, we typically split the kids for age appropriate activities in the morning and then do a family thing in the afternoon/evening; in the summer, when we have fewer activities, we typically do family outings, often to the pool. Our best friends also have 3 and they split the mornings so that one parent takes all 3 kids to activities (youngest often just hangs around) each morning so the other can sleep in or work and then they usually swap in the afternoons & do family evenings... Sometimes they all socialize as a family in the afternoon + evening w/ friends, etc. Less family time than is our style, but works for them. (And their marriage is strong, they do more date nights/alone time than we do; it's just a preference/work management thing.)

I don’t get the feeling that the OP just “has” her husband do something for hours on every Saturday afternoon just because she told him to.

She could probably do something closer by on the morning, then meet her DH for lunch if/when he felt like it. But I understand why she wouldn’t want to do that every weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 3 year old is telling you he prefers only going out with you and not with his dad? Either you’re baiting your toddler with loaded questions or you’re making this up. Either way, it’s not a good look for you, OP.

I don’t think this particular part of her post is unbelievable. My 2.5 year old often says he doesn’t want dad to do something and insists that “mommy do.” Like “No! Daddy stay home, Mommy and Larlo do.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the main issue is that the 3 year old and OP are up and ready to start the day at 7 am while the DH is probably still sleeping and wants the first "out of the house" activity to be lunch. Most 3 year olds need to burn energy off in the morning.

Sure. But then, if OP wants to do her activity w/ DS alone, why can't she do that in the morning? Plan one that isn't an hour away and where DS doesn't have to leave "early" to meet DH for brunch; then have DH take him to the playground/for a walk while she does whatever (joins if she wants to; gets alone time if she doesn't). Alternatively, have DH do the playground in the morning (perhaps every other week if sleeping in is the real issue) and then meet OP for family lunch and then OP can do an afternoon outing w/ the kid.

FWIW parent-kid time and family time can both work. We have 3 young kids and, when DH isn't working, we typically split the kids for age appropriate activities in the morning and then do a family thing in the afternoon/evening; in the summer, when we have fewer activities, we typically do family outings, often to the pool. Our best friends also have 3 and they split the mornings so that one parent takes all 3 kids to activities (youngest often just hangs around) each morning so the other can sleep in or work and then they usually swap in the afternoons & do family evenings... Sometimes they all socialize as a family in the afternoon + evening w/ friends, etc. Less family time than is our style, but works for them. (And their marriage is strong, they do more date nights/alone time than we do; it's just a preference/work management thing.)

I don’t get the feeling that the OP just “has” her husband do something for hours on every Saturday afternoon just because she told him to.

She could probably do something closer by on the morning, then meet her DH for lunch if/when he felt like it. But I understand why she wouldn’t want to do that every weekend.

I only phrased it like that because that’s what she said her DH wanted to do. I was trying to explain how they could both do what they wanted.