S/O regret having kids—“fun” things aren’t fun

[Anonymous]

Whoah OP! I think you don’t like your kid. Ever hear the phrase “I love you, but I don’t like you”. That’s where you are at. I like Laura Markham got ideas of how to connect with your kid. I think in non-vacation time you need to work on your connection. But also 8-12yr olds can be really annoying. I am an only child and around 8-10yrs old is when I started bringing a friend or a cousin on family vacations. Sometimes it was a kid my age. Sometimes it was an older cousin or a high school age baby sitter who would watch me in the evening while my parents went out. Obviously this only works if you stay at a rented house / condo type place.

[Anonymous]

Another tip from a now-adult only child. Split up and do things. My husband comes from a family of 3 kids and on vacations with his family, they split up. Two tweens will ride their bikes to the ice cream shop while parents and youngest go to the beach. One parent and youngest two go to the zoo while other parent and oldest fly kites. It’s not everyone all together, all the time. It makes trips with all the adult kids, spouses and now 5 grandkids so much easier because we split up by energy level and interest. Growing up in a triad, we did everything together, always. I think having just one parent take your kid to do stuff for part of each day while the other parent relaxes would help you out. Also get a babysitter for a few nights and go out to dinner with your husband.

[Anonymous]

OO, your kid is a whining brat because you have allowed him to be this way. There were five of us and my father was military and we knew from the getgo whining would only lead to time outs and a good swat on the bottom.

Children are born feral and it is up to parents to tame them and turn them into civilized people and you start this process on day one.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the poster who said some kids have a personality that just makes traveling tough.

I have two boys who are night and day and always have been. One could skip naps, sleep anywhere, eat whatever was offered, and just generally hang in there. The other has ADHD and has epic meltdowns without the perfect amount of sleep, eats only a handful of foods, gets overstimulated easily, and has somewhat unpredicable reactions. Parents don't know what its like unless they have a kid like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the poster who said some kids have a personality that just makes traveling tough.

I have two boys who are night and day and always have been. One could skip naps, sleep anywhere, eat whatever was offered, and just generally hang in there. The other has ADHD and has epic meltdowns without the perfect amount of sleep, eats only a handful of foods, gets overstimulated easily, and has somewhat unpredicable reactions. Parents don't know what its like unless they have a kid like this.

Yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the poster who said some kids have a personality that just makes traveling tough.

I have two boys who are night and day and always have been. One could skip naps, sleep anywhere, eat whatever was offered, and just generally hang in there. The other has ADHD and has epic meltdowns without the perfect amount of sleep, eats only a handful of foods, gets overstimulated easily, and has somewhat unpredicable reactions. Parents don't know what its like unless they have a kid like this.

Amen. And sometimes it’s not just how you raise them, it’s how they were born.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids and I enjoy our vacations. The travel part kind of sucks sometimes but we have a great time usually. Yes, there is always some whining and fighting but that would happen at home as well.

DH and I also take solo trips with friends sometimes.

One 8yo? Absolutely leave him home for couple trips.

[Anonymous]

My kids are gorgeous and brilliant. But they have cancelled fun from my life. Even nature walks don’t go as planned. WTF!?

[Anonymous]

Go with another family with a kid that your son is friends with. That works best for us.

[Anonymous]

Where did you go OP that it’s so awful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are gorgeous and brilliant. But they have cancelled fun from my life. Even nature walks don’t go as planned. WTF!?

+1 minus the brilliant part

[Anonymous]

When you have young children, there are no vacations, only trips. After one bad mistake with a toddler, I focused on easy stuff. Beach trips, weekends in NYC, trips to visit family in a resort destination, etc. We all had a reasonably good time. Now with teens, vacations are vacations again. I really enjoy travel again and we all have fun together, but I plan vacations that have something for everyone and we make adjustments as needed. We also send kids to their cherished sleepaway camp for a few weeks and go on an adults only vacation which is lovely.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I picked my 3 year old up from daycare early last week to go see the dinosaurs at the museum. It's my own fault for getting excited and having expectations. She was a nightmare. I spent the entire time sprinting after her and trying to contain her. I literally didn't read a single word on a single exhibit. Obviously I know a 3 year old isn't going to have an in depth conversation with me about the cretaceous period or whatever, but I thought we would have some fun on her terms. Ended up with me literally sweaty and exhausted from chasing her and her in tears because I was trying to contain her. It made me really sad because I made the mistake of looking forward to it.

[Anonymous]

Skip complicated travel. Go on a cruise where your kid can have some kid club, or freedom to chill a bit. It’s a win win for everyone. No cooking, no cleaning, you can leave right from the north east, you pick the ports of call to make it more interesting and who cares if he wants chicken tenders and fries for every meal for a week? Give all of yourselves a break and just chill and relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that when people say their family trips are fun, they mean that they enjoyed seeing the kids have fun and doing things with them. I do t think they mean that it was fun in the same way that it’s fun to do something with your best friend or even more fun. Childcare is still some work, and being with your child 24/7 isn’t going to leave you feeling relaxed and refreshed.

+ 1000

To be fair, it's easier if you naturally have the type of personality that deals with the drudgery of childcare better. Dh was much more patient and easygoing with the annoying kid stuff (whining, complaining, tantrums, schedules, etc) and he always ended up having more fun with them when they were young. For me, it was a basically wash. Whatever fun there was, was basically canceled out by the annoying kid stuff.

Now that they are teenagers, I enjoy spending time with them so much more. They're like actual people that I like hanging out with. Fun things are actually fun. But I had to put in my time and build my relationship with them when they were young.

Describe this so-called personality type please.

I think it used to be called “type B personality.”

Or Type A—lprazolam.