Do you believe in keeping in touch with exes (more than a card or holiday wishes)?

[Anonymous]

Ex as in spouses? Hell no.

Ex as in people I dated a few times? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Are we talking ex-wives/husbands or merely girlfriends and boyfriends?

I am in touch with several ex-girlfriends, at least on facebook. it's totally platonic, at least as far as I am concerned.

I have one other ex that I am loosely in touch with. Still some chemistry which becomes very, very tempting given the near death of my marital sex life.

[Anonymous]

I feel nostalgia about them and miss them don't think it would be helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we talking ex-wives/husbands or merely girlfriends and boyfriends?

I am in touch with several ex-girlfriends, at least on facebook. it's totally platonic, at least as far as I am concerned.

I have one other ex that I am loosely in touch with. Still some chemistry which becomes very, very tempting given the near death of my marital sex life.

Your last paragraph is why you have to break contact. Don't complicate your life.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

there's a huuuuge difference of keeping in touch (loosely defined as a connection) with an ex-spouse with whom you share kids (even if you or both are remarried) vs. keeping a connection with an ex-lover (BF/GF).

to former, it's about showing the kids that mom and dad still are friendly even though they are not together - important that the kids see and understand this.

to the latter, hells to the no.

[Anonymous]

I have some exes with whom I've remained friends. I'm not trying to hop into their pants anymore, but it's nice to keep in touch. Other exes I have cut off completely. I don't think one answer can apply to all situations.

[Anonymous]

An ex-bf/almost fiancé and I stay in touch for professional reasons. It is awkward because he married on the rebound and his wife knows it. For a decade, she acted like my loss her gain, but now she acts like I dodged a bullet.

I stayed in touch with another ex-bf for professional reasons until he married a mail-order bride. She’s very insecure and brought a young child into the marriage. I weighed the professional benefits against the potential drama and decided to cut off all contact outside of coffee when we bump into each other at conferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are we talking ex-wives/husbands or merely girlfriends and boyfriends?

I am in touch with several ex-girlfriends, at least on facebook. it's totally platonic, at least as far as I am concerned.

I have one other ex that I am loosely in touch with. Still some chemistry which becomes very, very tempting given the near death of my marital sex life.

Your last paragraph is why you have to break contact. Don't complicate your life.

Probably why his wife is pulling away. If my spouse was seeing or keeping his exes in our life he'd better not expect a lot of affection from me. PP is engaging in self defeating behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An ex-bf/almost fiancé and I stay in touch for professional reasons. It is awkward because he married on the rebound and his wife knows it. For a decade, she acted like my loss her gain, but now she acts like I dodged a bullet.

I stayed in touch with another ex-bf for professional reasons until he married a mail-order bride. She’s very insecure and brought a young child into the marriage. I weighed the professional benefits against the potential drama and decided to cut off all contact outside of coffee when we bump into each other at conferences.

There wasn't a reason to stay in touch except you wanted to find out how their marriage was.

If their husbands are meeting you for coffee it's very telling, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the situation. Did the relationship end badly? When did you date? How long did you date? Were you friends beforehand and/or part of same friend circle? These details matter.

I agree that the circumstances matter. Some exes I just don't want in my life. Some I'm just not really interested and don't care one way or another. Some I'm friendly with. In general, I'm not into keeping in touch with an ex at all, even a holiday card--why bother? Some I'd have a friendly conversation if I bumped into them somewhere. And some I'd really rather never see again.

[Anonymous]

Why cause problems in your current relationship? Especially over a ex.

Kids or not move on.

[Anonymous]

I’ve kept in touch with a couple of old GF’s but I’ve known them since I was a child. I might see them once every year or two and we are far more like old friends then ex’s. My wife knows them and they are very friendly. No contact with later in life ex’s because I’m clueless as to where they are or what their married names might be and I have no desire to search for them and none have reached out to me. I’m curious as to how their lives have turned out and I hope they are happy as they were mostly very nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An ex-bf/almost fiancé and I stay in touch for professional reasons. It is awkward because he married on the rebound and his wife knows it. For a decade, she acted like my loss her gain, but now she acts like I dodged a bullet.

I stayed in touch with another ex-bf for professional reasons until he married a mail-order bride. She’s very insecure and brought a young child into the marriage. I weighed the professional benefits against the potential drama and decided to cut off all contact outside of coffee when we bump into each other at conferences.

There wasn't a reason to stay in touch except you wanted to find out how their marriage was.

If their husbands are meeting you for coffee it's very telling, lol.

Absolutely not. We’re double minorities in a field where that’s especially rare and often an obstacle to breaking into professional networks. Most of the contact was just mutually forwarding opportunities that came across our desks. Yes, we stopped and had coffee if we ran into each other at conferences. It would be weirder to act as though Starbucks was the first rest stop on the highway to Hell.

[Anonymous]

No

And no card or Instagram or whatever mindgame Bs.

Exes are OUT of the picture. Forever.