Tell me I'm not wrong.

[Anonymous]

I think it also depends on if he gives you the phone number (so you're not having to then look it up). Or, just dials it and hands you the phone when convenient. You could also happily say, "sure, why don't you watch Larla for a minute while I call." You need to ask for what you need in his request to what he needs.

[Anonymous]

You are right. My husband is like this. But at least he doesn't lean on me to do stuff for him, he just lets things get screwed up. Example: We stop at the hardware store to grab some item he needs. He can't find it himself. If left up to him, he'll give up and leave - making it an entirely wasted trip - rather than simply ask an employee for assistance. Of course I can't stand to be party to such inefficiency, so I snap and go find someone myself. I consider him more socially lazy than anxious.

[Anonymous]

You’re not wrong. In my marriage, I’m the one with social anxiety who “makes” my husband do the talking. But if he’s too busy to say place a take out order, I can do it, or I can take over the task that’s preventing him from handling the communication. I wouldn’t get mad at him for not being available to handle every call and will make fun of myself/acknowledge my weakness if I’m being ridiculous and really don’t want to call.

I think your husband unfairly didn’t offer help and lashed out. I would guess like a PP that he is embarrassed. It must be harder as a guy to be comfortable in your shyness given the gender stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are wrong. You know your strengths and you are supposed to compliment each other.

I think you mean "complement," and no- a grown man can make a phone call, unless he has special needs. OP did not say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right. My husband is like this. But at least he doesn't lean on me to do stuff for him, he just lets things get screwed up. Example: We stop at the hardware store to grab some item he needs. He can't find it himself. If left up to him, he'll give up and leave - making it an entirely wasted trip - rather than simply ask an employee for assistance. Of course I can't stand to be party to such inefficiency, so I snap and go find someone myself. I consider him more socially lazy than anxious.

That is ridiculous. How many times per year do you consider divorce? If you don't, why not?

[Anonymous]

I am 1:09 and 1:12. What is his plan for being able to talk to people?

[Anonymous]

On a side note, you could go the route of having him take like a social etiquette class . Cheaper and easier than therapy and may be just what he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social anxiety, needs counseling. His lashing out at you was wrong, but it comes from embarrassment, shame, masked as anger. Forget this; it’s hurtful, but small potatoes. Ask him to seek counseling for the bigger problem.

Agree with the above. You can’t keep kicking this can down the road, it’s not fair to either of you. God forbid something happens to you and he has to act like a responsible adult all of a sudden. What type of work is he In? Must be some type of construction or manual work, most white collar type employments could never deal with this type of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, i would have called. You already have this dynamic and it’s not going to change in a heated moment. And I like happy hours more than ‘winning.’

Hash out communication problems in couples therapy, but enjoy life!

OP here and I get you. It wasn't the moment to "make a point" just because I was annoyed. Therapy or a conversation outside of the actual issue happening would've been more appropriate. It just sucks when something so small becomes this huge deal. It has now become "you aren't paying for it, the least you could've done was called" - which to me sounds like a controlling, manipulative statement. But again, I'm heated right now.

Meh sometimes we have things we just hate doing so the other person will do it, that's marriage. Making reservations or returning things to the shop, sometimes people just have this inbuilt hate of doing things. I'm sure there are things he does for you because you simply hate doing it.

If you are extroverted then calling will be nothing for you, if he is introverted than perhaps it's just one of those things he doesn't want to deal with. I think in marriage it's all about give and take a little, you aren't going to get very far by trying to make a point with each other.

Besides if you were sitting there not doing anything and he was obviously eager to go out perhaps he was just annoyed that you had your head buried in your laptop and didn't seem interested in going anywhere. By saying I'm dealing with the kid, now I'm dealing with work on my laptop, at any point did you stop, give him some undivided attention and say 'yeah that sounds like fun, looking forward to it' or were you just annoyed and that annoyance came through loud and clear and all he wanted to do was go out for a nice evening. I mean he was looking forward to spending a nice evening with you and the message you sent him was 'stop talking to me because everything else is more important than you and even though you just asked me to ring, I have deliberately gone onto the laptop now to show you how little your request means to me'. I think maybe he was a little frustrated.

This isn't a hill to die on. There will be other hills more important, I would have made the call and enjoyed the evening.

[Anonymous]

I have things that, even though I am fully competent and high functioning, can be really difficult for me to do because of anxiety. One big example is answering the door if the doorbell rings unexpectedly. This will actually send me into a mild state of panic (lots of reasons why, but they aren’t relevant).

COULD my husband say and technically be right in saying that I am an able bodied adult women who is capable of opening a door and speaking to the person on the other side? Yes. Does he understand it’s not actually that simple for me but, because it IS that simple for him, he can just do it instead? Also fully realizing that if he wasn’t here to do it I could make myself do it but if Ii don’t have to do it I shouldn’t have to do it so he can make a point? Yes, because he loves me and this is a partnership where we don’t hold each others weaknesses against one another or use them as weapons

[Anonymous]

You need to be direct. I am dealing with the kid. You get off your social feed and call the place now.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy you guys really sweat the small stuff. Good luck in your marriages.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow, this isn't even close. You weren't remotely wrong, your husband is a complete ass on several levels here. He can pick up a phone just as well as you can. This isn't social anxiety, you weren't asking him to mingle with strangers. Then holding it over you because "he is paying for it." Both show control issues.

He needs to be a man, make a plan, take you out on a date. Now I am not going to be a divorce cheerleader over something like this, but I really feel for you.

- a man with a SAHM wife who would never treat another person like this.

[Anonymous]

OP, just clear the air today. Don’t let this carry over. Explain that you’re juggling s lot and it would have been helpful if he offered to help with Larkin’s or ask if there was anything he could do, if an evening out depended on it.

And in the future when he says, can you call, you can say, sure, let’s trade. You take the baby and I’ll take the laptop. Then go into another room and let him parent.

Address the money comment - explain that it felt controlling or as if you work for him - you don’t. That mindset needs to be addressed.

3 years is early enough in a marriage when you can invest in course correcting when you see problems so it doesn’t grow into cemented issues that will break them later.

Agree with rec to look up Gottmans 4 horses

[Anonymous]

Oh, and you’re not wrong.