Tell me I'm not wrong.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have been together for 3 years. He is a bit socially awkward and doesn't do very well when having to speak to people. I am a more outgoing and talkative person. I, by default, have usually been the one to handle talking business. This includes asking employees questions about where something is in a store, calling to inquire about something, you get the gist. I feel like I'm enabling DH to not improve on his communication skills by always doing things for them. This evening, he wants to go to a restaurant that's having some special happy hour, but he asked me to call to see if they were doing it. At the initial moment, I was dealing with our toddler, so I told him I couldn't do it that moment but he could call (he literally wasn't doing anything but mindless scrolling on social media). Fast forward about 10-15 minutes, he kind of has a bit of an attitude and says "Are you still dealing with Larlo?" (he sees me on my laptop so he's kind of being a smart ass in saying that I'm not dealing with the child anymore). I respond and say no, but I'm working on XYZ (I was writing up some things for one of my clients). About 10 minutes goes by and he gets up to go upstairs. I casually ask "What's the plan? Are we still heading out?" He responds with a clear attitude and says "Did you call?"

At this point, I'm ticked because he's irritated at me and won't go out to dinner because HE doesn't want to call the place.

If we talk about it later, he'll probably use the excuse that I'm always too busy for him and I'll do everything for everyone else except him, which really isn't the case. Deep down, I think it's truly because he's too "scared" or embarrassed to call the restaurant.

Am I wrong here? Would you have just caved in and call? Am I being petty?

[Anonymous]

OP here - always doing things for HIM not THEM.

[Anonymous]

You aren’t wrong, but he has social anxiety. Obviously you knew this when you married him.

[Anonymous]

Eh, i would have called. You already have this dynamic and it’s not going to change in a heated moment. And I like happy hours more than ‘winning.’

Hash out communication problems in couples therapy, but enjoy life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, i would have called. You already have this dynamic and it’s not going to change in a heated moment. And I like happy hours more than ‘winning.’

Hash out communication problems in couples therapy, but enjoy life!

OP here and I get you. It wasn't the moment to "make a point" just because I was annoyed. Therapy or a conversation outside of the actual issue happening would've been more appropriate. It just sucks when something so small becomes this huge deal. It has now become "you aren't paying for it, the least you could've done was called" - which to me sounds like a controlling, manipulative statement. But again, I'm heated right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, i would have called. You already have this dynamic and it’s not going to change in a heated moment. And I like happy hours more than ‘winning.’

Hash out communication problems in couples therapy, but enjoy life!

OP here and I get you. It wasn't the moment to "make a point" just because I was annoyed. Therapy or a conversation outside of the actual issue happening would've been more appropriate. It just sucks when something so small becomes this huge deal. It has now become "you aren't paying for it, the least you could've done was called" - which to me sounds like a controlling, manipulative statement. But again, I'm heated right now.

This marriage isn't going to last long if he keeps that up. Gottman, stat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, i would have called. You already have this dynamic and it’s not going to change in a heated moment. And I like happy hours more than ‘winning.’

Hash out communication problems in couples therapy, but enjoy life!

OP here and I get you. It wasn't the moment to "make a point" just because I was annoyed. Therapy or a conversation outside of the actual issue happening would've been more appropriate. It just sucks when something so small becomes this huge deal. It has now become "you aren't paying for it, the least you could've done was called" - which to me sounds like a controlling, manipulative statement. But again, I'm heated right now.

Does he make up for it in other ways by doing things either you don’t like doing or aren’t good at? If so, let it go. My DH is similar, but we’ve learned to divide tasks so it’s more fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, i would have called. You already have this dynamic and it’s not going to change in a heated moment. And I like happy hours more than ‘winning.’

Hash out communication problems in couples therapy, but enjoy life!

OP here and I get you. It wasn't the moment to "make a point" just because I was annoyed. Therapy or a conversation outside of the actual issue happening would've been more appropriate. It just sucks when something so small becomes this huge deal. It has now become "you aren't paying for it, the least you could've done was called" - which to me sounds like a controlling, manipulative statement. But again, I'm heated right now.

Does he make up for it in other ways by doing things either you don’t like doing or aren’t good at? If so, let it go. My DH is similar, but we’ve learned to divide tasks so it’s more fair.

Yeah, another good point. He does handle things that I rather not handle. Thanks for putting it into perspective for me.

[Anonymous]

You are wrong. You know your strengths and you are supposed to compliment each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, i would have called. You already have this dynamic and it’s not going to change in a heated moment. And I like happy hours more than ‘winning.’

Hash out communication problems in couples therapy, but enjoy life!

OP here and I get you. It wasn't the moment to "make a point" just because I was annoyed. Therapy or a conversation outside of the actual issue happening would've been more appropriate. It just sucks when something so small becomes this huge deal. It has now become "you aren't paying for it, the least you could've done was called" - which to me sounds like a controlling, manipulative statement. But again, I'm heated right now.

Does he make up for it in other ways by doing things either you don’t like doing or aren’t good at? If so, let it go. My DH is similar, but we’ve learned to divide tasks so it’s more fair.

That said, his comment was shitty.

[Anonymous]

I just refuse to do things my DH can do himself if I don't want to. Like he asks me where his own belongings are, or to find information he can find himself (that I may have already taken a lot of time to compile and send him!) I just say "no, sorry."

[Anonymous]

Social anxiety, needs counseling. His lashing out at you was wrong, but it comes from embarrassment, shame, masked as anger. Forget this; it’s hurtful, but small potatoes. Ask him to seek counseling for the bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

You're not wrong. You are, in fact, right.

[Anonymous]

You are right, but you married someone with social anxiety. Why did you do that if you thought it would make you miserable? Now you are mad... but you made your own bed.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked about it? Do you understand what talking on the phone or answering the phone is like for him? Do you understand anxiety?