Blended Families and College Tuition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't remarry in such a way that your child loses their eligibility for financial aid. If you do, make up the difference to your child. Otherwise your blended family will de-blend.

I'm dating divorced dads a lot and worry about this. I have a large trust but I don't think it allows me to use the money for a step kid's tuition, but I am worried my assets will screw up financial aid. The kids are only in junior high school. Neither of their parents make or have a ton of money. What's the deal with financial aid and a step parent's assets?

With this being a HCOL area and salaries being commensurately higher than other areas of the country it is unlikely the children will qualify for financial aid unless the guys you're dating are very low earners or the kids are superstars and get into a place like Harvard that has very generous financial aid criteria.

Pp here. My current boyfriend only makes around 100k and his ex around 60. They split custody. With just that, I think they would qualify for grants, loans etc no? My trust income can vary depending on the investments, but the terms of the trust are such that I can't stand end it on step kids tuition.

The kid would be eligible for some aid, then. It doesn't really matter how you do it, as long as the young person does not have to take on additional debt as a result of your choice to marry. That's a horrible thing to do to a person just beginning their adult life.

The kid will get some FAFSA aid if the kid claims mom as primary custodial parent. Kid will not get CSS profile aid because it includes combined income (i.e. $160K) regardless of whether OP's trust is included. Kid will not get much, if any, aid if kid claims dad as custodial parent if he is making $100K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

[Anonymous]

We have two kids.

DH is NCP of DD
I am the CP of DS

All of our money goes into and comes out of one pot. We plan to put both our kids through college. DD’s mom has a noble-but-low-paid job and simply can’t afford it. My ex makes a lot money but is an addict and is irresponsible. DH and I have decent incomes/no debt/low expenses, and can afford to pay cash for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state? And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children. Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too. It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state? And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children. Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too. It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex. SMH.

Husband more than likely paid child support on top of saving for college. He has three kids who should be treated equally. Its not her job pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state? And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children. Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too. It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex. SMH.

Sometimes I wonder if people even read the post. PP said that both the DH and the ExW saved for in-state tuition. To me, fully paying for in-state tuition more than covers one's parental obligations, many people cannot/do not even do that.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for all of the responses!

I have urged DH to speak with his child's mother regarding college tuition. DH has decided that he will contribute a specific amount per year. DH's mother and grandmother will also contribute for tuition. If child's mother can match DH's amount, a good portion of in state tuition will be covered and stepdaughter will only have to cover a small amount.

DH and I are also willing to cover the entire cost of community college and a portion of the final 2 years at an in-state University if stepdaughter decides to go that route.

[Anonymous]

My husbands ratio of support was 39% so he also voluntarily paid 39% of tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state? And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children. Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too. It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex. SMH.

The difference is ex probably got child support which came out of their household income so she had two incomes to support one child as the parent and Dad only had one and was paying the child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state? And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children. Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too. It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex. SMH.

She said her husband and his ex paid into the college fund. Where are you getting that the ex funded it alone? The stepson has to live within the budget of his bio parents and the posters two kids have to live within their bio parents’ budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state? And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children. Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too. It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex. SMH.

She said her husband and his ex paid into the college fund. Where are you getting that the ex funded it alone? The stepson has to live within the budget of his bio parents and the posters two kids have to live within their bio parents’ budget.

Because the DH made financial commitments to his son and implicitly to his ex, then CHOSE to have more kids even though that meant he could not keep the commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state? And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children. Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too. It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex. SMH.

She said her husband and his ex paid into the college fund. Where are you getting that the ex funded it alone? The stepson has to live within the budget of his bio parents and the posters two kids have to live within their bio parents’ budget.

Because the DH made financial commitments to his son and implicitly to his ex, then CHOSE to have more kids even though that meant he could not keep the commitment.

College is not an entitlement and he is supporting his son via child support. Married parents don’t always pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible.

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way.

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state? And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children. Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too. It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex. SMH.

She said her husband and his ex paid into the college fund. Where are you getting that the ex funded it alone? The stepson has to live within the budget of his bio parents and the posters two kids have to live within their bio parents’ budget.

Because the DH made financial commitments to his son and implicitly to his ex, then CHOSE to have more kids even though that meant he could not keep the commitment.

There is nothing here about failing to make his financial commitments.

[Anonymous]

DH and his ex did not have anything in their agreement about college. In laws had started a 529 for each grandkid and that was pretty much it. DH and ex had not saved anything beyond that.

When college rolled around, after loans and grants were awarded, the 529s covered about two years for each kid and each bio parent took one of the remaining two years. They used parent plus loans. DH and I are paying off the parent plus loans he took out. Originally I believe his ex was going to have the kids pay off hers but has since decided to cover them herself. Not entirely sure.

The conversation took place when the oldest was applying to schools. After that, the general pattern had been established and they continued with it for the remaining kids.