Reply to Blended Families and College Tuition

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just curious how this is handled in other families when there is no court ordered tuition support.
A few general questions:
How early did you start the discussion about tuition with the CP/NCP?
What type of arrangement did you make with CP/NCP?
Was your spouse supportive of the arrangement with CP/NCP?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Do you have any advice to share?[/quote]

I'm a stepmom to one high school student, and DH and I have 2 more kids.

DH and DSC's mother contribute to a college fund. It will likely have $100K in it when DSC graduates. If DSC goes in-state, that should pay for most of it, if DSC goes private or out-of-state, DSC will be responsible for the remainder of the cost, although if they take out loans, DH and I will probably help pay them back if we are in a good financial position. DSC's mother wants to split all the costs for college, so I know that will be a fight if DSC chooses to go out of state or private.

DH and I were financially tight for a few years with childcare expenses, so we haven't started college funds for our 2 youngest. As they age out of childcare, we will start putting those funds into college savings. Until we know we can offer them parity in terms of a college fund, it doesn't feel fair to commit to paying for all of DSC's college right now. That is why we are open to helping DSC with loans, if needed.

(FWIW, I think there is too much hysteria over college loans. I had them (still have $7K left to pay out of a total of $80K), all of my siblings had them, and I am ok with my kids needing to get them.)

OP, start the conversation early with your spouse, and make sure you are on the same page before you talk with the other parent. In all honesty, when DH and I first met I was resentful of all the financial commitments he [b]made to DSC, which were really not financially sustainable when maintaining 2 households - DH and the other parent wanted to maintain the exact same standard of living divorced as they did when married, which meant neither was being responsible. [/b]

Now that everyone is remarried, that is possible, but the tension is that DH wants to provide equitably to all his kids, and DSC is the only child their mother has, so she is fine to devote all her resources toward DSC, and is resentful DH doesn't see it the same way. [/quote]

How is it responsible to have more children if he can't keep his commitments to the child he already has?  [/quote]

So basically his ex saved for her son, and that gets you off the hook for paying anything at all if he goes in-state?  And this is because, poor you and DH, you CHOSE to have not one but two additional children.  Sorry but if I was his ex I'd be mad too.  It may be equitable across children but it isn't equitable between DH and his ex.  SMH.[/quote]

She said her husband and his ex paid into the college fund. Where are you getting that the ex funded it alone?  The stepson has to live within the budget of his bio parents and the posters two kids have to live within their bio parents’ budget.    [/quote]

Because the DH made financial commitments to his son and implicitly to his ex, then CHOSE to have more kids even though that meant he could not keep the commitment.  [/quote]

There is nothing here about failing to make his financial commitments. [/quote]

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