Husband sleeps on couch after arguments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may want to try get him to explain why he is doing it and see if there is a better way to handle arguments.

My wife and I once had an argument and she slept in the guest room. Four years later, she's still there. We'll probably be divorced before long.

Same here, except she kicked me out of the room and toss my stuff out too, and I never returned except to have sex. It's been a year + and I'm hoping we'll go our separate ways once kids are gone.

[Anonymous]

We’ve been married 35 years and neither of us has ever slept on the couch because we were upset. Snoring is a different story! We simply don’t go to bed until we at least semi resolve the conflict. We may not kiss and make up but it’s not like boxers sent to their corners waiting for the next round.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes sleep on the couch after an argument. I just want a little space, I feel like if I stay in the bed next to him I actually keep getting annoyed at whatever the argument was about. We’ve been married a long time so my husband doesn’t think much of it.

Np. Glad it's not just me! We don't have major screaming fights or anything but after heated moments I frequently sleep in the other room. I'm not going to bed angry or anything, and we usually don't need to revisit any of it the next day, I just need space to cool off.

[Anonymous]

I guess everyone handles fights and emotions differently. He recently lost his job so coupled with the miscarriage things are just extra. He still slept on the couch last night. I guess he’s not giving in. I’ll be the one to apologize and just move on. It’s a long weekend and honestly I want us to enjoy our time together. 95% of the time, he’s the most loving person. When we argue and he’s hurt he wants to show me he’s sooooo hurt by sleeping on the couch. Sigh. You win some you lose some.

[Anonymous]

Whenever my husband is mad or hurt he storms off to sleep on the sofa, usually cursing and slamming doors as he goes. It's infantile behavior.

I'd have no issue with it if he could say, "Look, I love you but I'm upset and need some space. I'm going to crash here on the sofa. We can talk tomorrow."

But he just leaves. I really hate it.

[Anonymous]

Whether he sleeps on the couch for one night after conflict isn't the question. What happens after that? Does he use this time to calm down and then be open to resolution? Does her approach you and try to repair?

If not, that's the problem.

[Anonymous]

My husband does it to cool down after an argument. However, I’ve tried to sleep on the couch after an argument and he will make me go back to the bed and he takes the couch instead. When I ask him why he said it was respectful…….. I still don’t know how that’s respectful though.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have slept in separate rooms for 7 years. We started when our son was a few months old so one of us could be on duty and the other could sleep without being woken up multiple times a night. We slept so well we kept doing it. Sleeping in the same bed every night is an antiquated practice IMO. People need space and silence, especially when they’re trying to deeply rest.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to sleep on the couch to have some space, but it's interesting that OP said he stopped doing it when he noticed it didn't bother her. That suggests he was only doing it as a tactic, not to decompress. And now that she's suffered the trauma of a miscarriage he has chosen to bring that tactic back. That's a red flag to explore. Could be wants to hurt her. Could be he doesn't want to deal with the big emotions of the miscarriage... it seems rather unsupportive. I do think you need to speak about it in a calm, non-confrontational way. Ask "I noticed you went back to sleeping on the couch. You hadn't done that in a while. Is everything ok?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband does it to cool down after an argument. However, I’ve tried to sleep on the couch after an argument and he will make me go back to the bed and he takes the couch instead. When I ask him why he said it was respectful…….. I still don’t know how that’s respectful though.

Because if he’s on the sofa, he gets to be the victim. You don’t get to take that from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been married less than two years and he started doing this the first six months. When I stopped letting it bother me eg I stopped pointing it out. Matter of fact I would spread out on the whole bed and enjoy it. When he realized it wasn’t getting to me, he stopped. We had an argument last night and he slept on the couch.

We just suffered a miscarriage and things are a bit sensitive so my feelings are a bit hurt with the couch thing again. Should I ignore it? What should I do?

Isnt the bigger question if the underlying issue gets resolved the very next day?

Or is his “going to the couch” his tactic for avoiding conflict resolution then and in the future? Hope not.s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the point of all out arguments/fights. You still have to interact with the person the next day, .. rest of your life. Most things, in the grand scheme of life really aren't worth getting that upset about. My wife on the other hand has to find a way to place blame for everything that does not go according to plan/how it should be.

I sleep on the couch after argument because I don't want to be that close to someone who I feel wants nothing to do with me at that point in time.

Lol.

Nothing really matters. Details schmetails. You’re so anal. Nobody does that. Who cares? Not PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t women used kick husbands to the couch.

This guy is just leaving the bedroom of his own volition.

He’s stonewalling. It’s a control move. Nothing gets resolved, he keeps Op unstable.

[Anonymous]

Does he do it to cool down? Or does he do it as some sort of passive aggressive/guilt tripping thing? Or is he doing it to spite you because he knows it bothers you?

The first is more ok, the rest are not.

Obviously both of your emotions are high right now, and he may feel he needs to have some alone time when tensions are high. I'm similar. DH and I don't argue often, but when we do, I need time to cool off separately so we can move on. Otherwise I'm just going to still be annoyed and the argument will last longer than necessary.

When things are calm, ask him about it. Don't talk about your feelings on it or how it makes you feel, just try to find out why he does it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess everyone handles fights and emotions differently. He recently lost his job so coupled with the miscarriage things are just extra. He still slept on the couch last night. I guess he’s not giving in. I’ll be the one to apologize and just move on. It’s a long weekend and honestly I want us to enjoy our time together. 95% of the time, he’s the most loving person. When we argue and he’s hurt he wants to show me he’s sooooo hurt by sleeping on the couch. Sigh. You win some you lose some.

Is this a joke?

He’s beyond immature and vindictive.

Hope this is yet another troll post with troll follow up bombs.