For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
OP is probably inclined in one direction and will selectively process responses to be more confident in her decision. this is why people ask questions on DCUM. not to be told what to do, but to get confirmation that what they intend to do is right. even when the responses are overwhelmingly against OP's intentions, OP will engage only a few supporters and keep going. |
Anonymous
Some people like to think things through by hearing a variety of experiences and perspectives. It can help to imagine the different possible outcomes. And sometimes talking about things just makes you feel less alone. It's not weird, she's not saying it will be decided by vote, maybe your personality is just not the same as hers. |
Anonymous
OP here-- I am actually finding these responses very enlightening. I actually hadn't thought about family support and the neurotypical aspect among other things that people shared. So just because personalities and dynamics are different doesn't mean I can't learn from other's experiences. I find them relatable and honest. I'd like to thank everyone who shared so far. My family and friends try to push me in directions based on what they want, so this is actually more helpful. Thank you all. |
Anonymous
|
Stopped at 2. They are 8 and 11 now. I sometimes regret not having a third because I miss the sweet baby and toddler cuddles and cute preschool conversations. But the early years were hard on us and I felt like DD1 lost so much attention when DD2 came along. Also, both of my kids are very strong willed. And having been raised without much money, I like knowing we can provide a solid future for our kids.
If I had it to do again, I’m not sure what I’d do. I might have a third. But it’s hard to remember now just how tired and frazzled I was then. I was SO SURE then that two was all I could do. |
Anonymous
|
We stopped at two. I still want that third kid, but still am confident it was the right decision. I do get a little sad about it from time to time though.
Biggest reason we didn’t do it was financial. With two, we can take care of all needs and many wants - for example, doing family ski trips. With three, money would have been a constant stressor. There are also things that logistically are much easier with just the two - those same ski trips, for example, and DH wasn’t as enthusiastic about s big family as I was anyhow. Knowing we were lucky to have two healthy kids and not wanting to roll the dice on a third also came into play (I have siblings with multiples and kids with significant disabilities who have really struggled). I also have had career opportunities arise that wouldn’t have been something I would have been willing to take on with a third (though ironically, they mean we could better afford it). We have a good life and are able to have a lot of fun adventures with our two closely spaced kids (who also get along well) so I feel lucky. I just also know the joys of a big family (I’m from one) and am sad we don’t have that too, but you can’t have it all. |
Anonymous
| Before having kids I wanted three, but stopped at 2 because the work of raising 2 kids and having a full-time job was near my limit. I realized one evening when I was yelling at my kids to go to bed already that I’ll probably be yelling more with a 3rd one. So I resolved to be a better mother to the 2 I have instead of being a mediocre mother to a hypothetical three. |
Anonymous
Are...are you me? |
Anonymous
| I wanted 3 or 4 and stopped at 2. DH would have agreed to try for a third but I knew he preferred 2. I had a difficult pregnancy with our 2nd so a 3rd seemed risky. I have some regrets but I think it was the right decision for us. I do worry that the regret will be higher when they are adults. For right now, our 10 year old has some unexpected and unpredictable medical needs so a 3rd would have become extremely hard to juggle. |
Anonymous
Before kids, I always wanted either 2 or 4 kids. All of the sets of 3 seemed to have some unhappy dynamics among the siblings (always 2 vs. 1). Our first 2 were boys, two 1/2 years apart. Best buddies - it was great. But we felt a little incomplete as a family, so we decided to try for a 3rd. #3 was unexpectedly harder to conceive due to complications from #2, so ended up with almost 4 years gap. Although a girl would have been nice, I was very happy to have boy #3, since we already had boy stuff and knew boys. #3 was high risk pregnancy for me, so we stopped there, and I ended up with 3 kids. Go figure.  
Dynamics - #3 did round out the family. #1 is my mini-me, #2 is DH's, and #3 is best of both. We switched from man-on-man to zone defense. #1 was best-ever big brother to #3 (6 years apart). #2, not so much  As they got older, there was a break in activities between what tweens/teens want to do and what a kid wants to do, but we navigated that. Once #1 was driving, he was super helpful driving #3 places, while I dealt with #2's taxi services. We are at the end of the cycle - #1 in college, #2 driving and independent, and #3 just turned 13. DH and I are having fun being two parents with just #3 going places and trying things that just interest him. It's like having only 1 kid, and pretty fun.
tl;dr A 4 year gap before #3 turned out to be better spacing than I thought it would be. |
Anonymous
| Currently pregnant with #3 and I oscillate between being excited and terrified. Financially it will be really hard the first 2 years until we can get out of infant care, and the logistics will be hard getting everyone where they need to be. But the kids are super excited and sometimes our family of 4 doesn't feel quite complete. If I didn't get pregnant very quickly though, I think we would have been fine sticking with two though, but would always wonder what if...hopefully we won't be wondering what if we didn't go for 3 too much. |
Anonymous
| We have 3. Yes, it is harder, more expensive, less down time, and more splitting up into 'teams' as someone does something with the older ones while someone stays with a napping toddler. But , it is all worth it to have a 3rd kid, a 3rd sibiling, a 3rd time with all the firsts. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. |
Anonymous
| Wanted 1. Had 2 and have no regrets. I am an introvert with 4 siblings. I love them but didn't want the chaos. We like to travel and its manageable with 2 and less expensive. |
Anonymous
|
I have three and wanted three, but of course having two would be easier! Grocery bills higher. Medical and orthodontics costs increase. College savings requirements higher.
Just the after school activities alone can be difficult to handle, even if you allow only one middle school aged child a sport and instrument each. Each spring sport is at least two practices and game a week - per kid. Add on a tutoring session if necessary, daily piano practice and a weekly lesson. Now try to throw in birthday sleepovers, play dates, managing chores and homework. It's a wonderful chaos but it's a lot. My biggest issue at this point (kids are all elementary or older) is the higher cost of traveling, which we love to do. We no longer fit into a single taxi, have to book at least two hotel rooms, and even restaurant tables usually have to be pushed together once you have more than a group of four. |
Anonymous
Amen sister! I feel exactly the same. I’m not as patient as I dreamed I’d be before having any kids. |
Anonymous
|
Three here, adore our third and can't imagine life without her. (Doesn't hurt that, to be blunt, accounting for age difference, she's cheerier and easier that the first two.)and I'd just say that if you're going to have a third, don't wait too long. Yes, part of the difficulty is being stretched for time, but another issue is that age gap makes joint activities harder. We have a 2 and then 3 year gap, which is probably typical, but it makes it harder to do simple things like choose a movie that we can all watch at home, or do activities that are fun for all ages (now late elementary and 1st grader).
In some ways the third gets less attention, but that has upsides too - more independence. When baby #1 cried, we ran to help. With #3, we didn't sprint, but gave it a few minutes - sometimes because we were busy, sometimes because we were just tired. As a result, I think the baby got better at self calming. |