For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before having kids I wanted three, but stopped at 2 because the work of raising 2 kids and having a full-time job was near my limit. I realized one evening when I was yelling at my kids to go to bed already that I’ll probably be yelling more with a 3rd one. So I resolved to be a better mother to the 2 I have instead of being a mediocre mother to a hypothetical three.

Amen sister! I feel exactly the same. I’m not as patient as I dreamed I’d be before having any kids.

Raises hand too.

I always wanted 3. I could probably even convince my DH, though he has always thought 2 was just fine. We had 1 and I was still pretty into the idea of having 3. Then we had 2. The juggle of both kids wants/needs/demands pushed me WAY harder than I thought it would. My kids are pretty easy too! I always thought I'd be more calm, let it flow, patient zen mom. I'm not really and am finding I get overwhelmed by their emotions more than I care to admit. I do think it'll get a bit easier when they aren't so little (mine are 2 and 4). Things are pretty fun right now. I have had no desire to add another though. If I were younger, maybe we'd have had the 3rd in another year or 2. But I'm almost 40 and I think shutting that door now is the best thing for all 4 of us. In 10 years I am sure I'll have little pangs of regret. That's ok. Maybe then we'll get a dog .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had the third. The main reason I wanted a third was because my mom kept saying that my (now) middle child is just like me. Well, I don't get along that great with my mom. We're not estranged or anything, she just really gets on my nerves, which limits the amount of time we spend together. I could not possibly live near her, and I will be forever grateful to my brother because he can. If my (now) middle child continues to be just like me and wants a more distant relationship with me as an adult, then it would be sad to have only one other child. Of course, you get what you get, but in my case, it worked out great. The youngest is a sweet family-loving dear, and the oldest continues to be easy-going and respectful. My (now) middle child is definitely the most challenging, but I feel that I can accept the challenges a little more gracefully than I would if I only had two children.

THIS! I feel the same way. Almost like I want to have a bond with more than one child, but often times there is one child that may be more distant or difficult. Also, having 3 gives you more of a chance to have different personalities in the mix.

Mom of 3 and whole heartedly agree with these statements.

Mine are 2, 7, 9 now. Three is TOUGH. Especially once you get a good age spread. My older two are 18 mon apart. They are close enough in age that they enjoy the same activities and are close in all developments that go on. It has been hard to balance a little one with the older ones. 2 yr old naps which limits our weekend activities. 2 yr old can’t go on long hikes, to trampoline parks, roller skating, ice skating and such the big kids are interested big kids have after school practices, and activities to go to that little sibling tags along (sometimes cranky and unwillingly) to. I’m often alone with the kids and balancing activities safe and enjoyable for all three is hard. Traveling is also more difficult with three kids. A lot of hotel rooms aren’t big enough for all of us to sleep comfortably. And the big kids do great on planes but the 2 yr old...well, we’ve switched to road trips for awhile.

BUT they are all so interesting, sweet, and different, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted 3 or 4 but my husband only wanted 2 so we stopped at 2. I still wish we were on the same page and could have more but I know that this was the right decision for our family and our marriage because my husband would be less happy, more stressed, etc if we had more kids so I don’t regret it but I’m not totally happy about it either.

My issue is not feeling sadness about it and not being upset with my husband over it. He’s a great dad and a great partner so I respect that.

Also now I don’t have to feel as guilty about the environmental impact of bringing kids into the world as I probably would if we had more than 2 kids

Very similar here, except I’m still at a point where I do regret it, and I feel sad about it a lot of the time. Hopefully I’ll get over it sooner than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we have 3 - the baby is 10 months now. Yes life would have been easier with 2. But we make it work. The baby is very cute . I love the baby stage (the baby is walking big time so basically out of it already) but I also want 3 adult children. That was the key for us to move forward.

This is exactly us, but the baby is 5 months (the kids have basically 2 year gaps between them). Yes, it’s chaotic, especially when I have them on my own all day or for bedtime or overnight (when the 2 year old doesn’t cooperate), but it’s not unmanageable and it’s not forever... or even, ultimately, for that long. I pictured at least 3 kids at my Thanksgiving in 20 years, so we went for it.

[Anonymous]

Mom of three here. The hardest things are as PP mentioned the logistics of activities, college money, and travel.
All package holidays and cruises etc are set up for a family of four- not my cup of tea but that may be important to you.

[Anonymous]

I always pictured myself with 3, but had a difficult time getting pregnant with #1 (took years). Then in my first pregnancy I had the nightmare of severe preeclampsia, HELLP, IUGR and early emergency C. DH was afraid he was going to lose me, and we also had the emotional rollercoaster of a preemie in the NICU for months (now a healthy preschooler). It was a difficult journey and we were hesitant about #2. We conceived #2 by surprise right after our baby's first birthday. The second pregnancy was uneventful but still physically draining and psychologically traumatizing. During my second C section, I opted for a tubal because I just can't do pregnancy again. Apart from my own bad experience, I have friends who have had miscarriages, stillbirths, severe abnormalities that required termination, IVF struggles, etc. I wanted out of the limbo that is conception and all its good and bad possibilities. I'm also approaching 40 and I would like to move on to a different parenting phase, as much as I adore the baby years. I'm very content with two.

[Anonymous]

I have two and am struggling with this too, have appreciated these answers! For me the motivation is how much I miss the baby years and how sad I am every time we finish a phase. But I remind myself that having a third doesn't fix that, it just postpones it. The baby year flies by and that will still be true with a third. For me I think the benefits of two- financial, logistics, how close we are to feeling like we can really travel again - outweigh my nostalgia for a newborn.

It's hard not to fantasize about another one though, especially when my two are behaving well!

[Anonymous]

I knew that I could not handle more than 2 preschoolers/toddlers. Now that my youngest is 5, I’d consider another, but I’m too old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two and am struggling with this too, have appreciated these answers! For me the motivation is how much I miss the baby years and how sad I am every time we finish a phase. But I remind myself that having a third doesn't fix that, it just postpones it. The baby year flies by and that will still be true with a third. For me I think the benefits of two- financial, logistics, how close we are to feeling like we can really travel again - outweigh my nostalgia for a newborn.

It's hard not to fantasize about another one though, especially when my two are behaving well!

You make a good point. I think its best to consider if you want three children for some of the various reasons pointed out here, or if you simply want another baby. Because the baby years are short lived

[Anonymous]

We have three -5, 3, and 8 months. Just one thing swayed us. DH makes quite a bit of money, so college, activities, etc. are not a big source of stress and we live in a pretty big house close-in so commutes are short. I also work part-time and we have an au pair who helps in the evenings and sometimes on the weekend when DH isn’t around. Because we can buy a cushion, three kids under six isn’t that stressful. Without that cushion, I think it must be a much harder lift and I’m not sure we would have done it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have three -5, 3, and 8 months. Just one thing swayed us. DH makes quite a bit of money, so college, activities, etc. are not a big source of stress and we live in a pretty big house close-in so commutes are short. I also work part-time and we have an au pair who helps in the evenings and sometimes on the weekend when DH isn’t around. Because we can buy a cushion, three kids under six isn’t that stressful. Without that cushion, I think it must be a much harder lift and I’m not sure we would have done it.

I have the opposite of this. Debt a long commute etc.
I thought I would go crazy for the first year or so after the third was born
Doing better now but it was damn hard

Doi

[Anonymous]

We have three. The third was a "bonus"; we had twins. No regrets but it's hard having three for all of the obvious reasons , not the least of which, you and your partner are outnumbered. There is also the cost and around DC, that's not insignificant. And there are logistical considerations - cars that must hold three car seats, hotels that insist that with five of you, you must have two rooms. We love our three and couldn't imagine life without them - it's not a source of regret (and we wouldn't have imagined three when we set out to have our second). But if it's a matter of nostalgia for the baby years, think very hard about the longer picture of having three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have three -5, 3, and 8 months. Just one thing swayed us. DH makes quite a bit of money, so college, activities, etc. are not a big source of stress and we live in a pretty big house close-in so commutes are short. I also work part-time and we have an au pair who helps in the evenings and sometimes on the weekend when DH isn’t around. Because we can buy a cushion, three kids under six isn’t that stressful. Without that cushion, I think it must be a much harder lift and I’m not sure we would have done it.

I’m not worried so much about the money as about the problem of how to get three (school-aged) kids to their various activities. I think it’s relatively easy to outsource help from ages 0-3 — their needs are pretty basic. But as they age and they really want YOU there, not a babysitter, what then? Even with money it’s hard to figure out how to juggle so many schedules, unless basically you are OK with being less present for them overall. Haven’t decided that yet but I wonder if the kids would not like that.

[Anonymous]

It was just an emotional thing for me. I just didn't feel like our family was complete after two. It felt like someone was missing. I am so glad DH was up for going for a third as it did just feel "right" to me after she was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have three -5, 3, and 8 months. Just one thing swayed us. DH makes quite a bit of money, so college, activities, etc. are not a big source of stress and we live in a pretty big house close-in so commutes are short. I also work part-time and we have an au pair who helps in the evenings and sometimes on the weekend when DH isn’t around. Because we can buy a cushion, three kids under six isn’t that stressful. Without that cushion, I think it must be a much harder lift and I’m not sure we would have done it.

I’m not worried so much about the money as about the problem of how to get three (school-aged) kids to their various activities. I think it’s relatively easy to outsource help from ages 0-3 — their needs are pretty basic. But as they age and they really want YOU there, not a babysitter, what then? Even with money it’s hard to figure out how to juggle so many schedules, unless basically you are OK with being less present for them overall. Haven’t decided that yet but I wonder if the kids would not like that.

they want you but having siblings often helps with this.