My parents won't let me catch up. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Is someone making you feel abnormal?

[Anonymous]

Your parents sound like they don't think you can handle that credit load. Which from everything you've said, I agree with. Younhavent been able to test out of your grade, you sound immature....why would they want to risk that money if you can't pass the classes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what is driving your desire to be a year ahead? There will be many kids in college who are your age.

Are you wanting to finish a year sooner for a specific reason?

I'm not trying to get a year ahead. Right now, I'm a year behind, and I'm trying to catch up so I can just be normal. Is wanting to be normal so wrong?

OP, in just about every other state you would have been considered to be going to school on-time. To anyone who grew up in those states, it will be perfectly "normal" for you to turn 19 in October. You would be abnormal if you did that as a sophomore.

Were you teased in school about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so a few months ago, I made a thread explaining that my parents started me in school a year late. My birthday's October 1st, 2000 and the cutoff where I live is the new year, which meant that I should have gone to Kindergarten in the fall of 2005, yet my parents purposely waited until the fall of 2006 to send me. In the thread I made back in September, I expressed my desire to go to college in a state with a September(or earlier) cut-off, as those states wouldn't have allowed me or anyone else with an October birthday to start until being almost 6, which means that I would fit in a lot better at that out-of-state university.

I might share that all through my schooling career, I've tried desperately to get into my rightful grade. Every year I tried to skip a grade, but always failed, which was admittedly my fault. However, when I got to high school, I really wanted to take advantage of the option to graduate in 3 years instead of 4, but my parents wouldn't let me. They also wouldn't let me take more than one AP course during a school-year or enroll in community college during high-school. As a result, I'll enter college with only 6 units of AP credit. My wish to attend college in state with a September cut-off has been my one of more recent attempts to blend in with the crowd. However, after many arguments with my parents, that has failed too. I am going to a local state college this fall.

Now, my parents are trying to prevent me from doing the last thing I can do to catch up. If I take 12 units this summer, 15 units during the fall and spring semesters, and then another 12 units during the following, that, combined with my 6 units of AP credit will give me 60 units, which means that I'll be a junior in the fall of 2020, instead of a sophomore. However, my parents think that I'll fail in summer classes and will be worth the money. If I just go to school in the regular semesters, and take 18 units a semester, I'll graduate in 3.5 years in the fall of 2022, which would still be better than graduating in the spring of 2023. But my parents have said they won't let me take more than 15 units a semester.

If I take out student loans, then I'll be able to take whatever classes I want, whenever I want, but I need my parents' cooperation when it comes to filling out those forms, and of course they won't cooperate, which I don't understand. This would save them so much money. They seem to think that I'll acquire a greater debt than I'll be able to repay if I take out student loans, which I know I won't do. I just don't know what to do at this point. You'd think my parents would realize after 13 years that holding me back from Kindergarten was a mistake, yet they are not interested in fixing it.

This makes NO sense.

Having been redshirted has no bearing on what you do now. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what is driving your desire to be a year ahead? There will be many kids in college who are your age.

Are you wanting to finish a year sooner for a specific reason?

I'm not trying to get a year ahead. Right now, I'm a year behind, and I'm trying to catch up so I can just be normal. Is wanting to be normal so wrong?

There is no Normal. You are overthinking you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what is driving your desire to be a year ahead? There will be many kids in college who are your age.

Are you wanting to finish a year sooner for a specific reason?

I'm not trying to get a year ahead. Right now, I'm a year behind, and I'm trying to catch up so I can just be normal. Is wanting to be normal so wrong?

Stop thinking that you are behind. You’re not. I graduated high school when I was 19 because I failed second grade and I had to do it twice. I never felt behind, I was right where I needed to be.

[Anonymous]

OP I think what you might find is that while the difference between 13 and 14 felt large to you, the older you get the less age gaps are even remotely noticeable. The difference between 22 and 23 is negligeable and as you keep going up it matters less and less. At my office I can usually decide a 5 year ish range for people - so ok she’s probably between 25-30, he’s probably between 35-40. Without other identifying information, that is usually the best I can do and in the workplace it truly doesn’t make a difference. One year later in your life is truly a blip on the radar even though I know it feels important now. I really encourage you to enjoy the opportunity in college, maybe use that time your parents are encouraging you to take to really identify some special interests you have, take classes in that and really take advantage! Flip your thinking on it and say ok I’m going to get all required credits done by x time as best I can and then take some extra courses on x for fun.

It seems like this may be a deeper concern more connected to feeling like your parents don’t believe you can take on a certain level of work? I can understand this feeling, but as a parent now I hope and think you will likely see later that while potentially misguided they likely had your best interest at heart. I can’t know for sure, but I suspect your parents and doing their best to give you the opportunity to thrive and recognize that the year you graduate will not make a difference for your career opportunities. Try to find the opportunity in this extra year you were given - adulthood will come soon enough I promise - you got this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what is driving your desire to be a year ahead? There will be many kids in college who are your age.

Are you wanting to finish a year sooner for a specific reason?

I'm not trying to get a year ahead. Right now, I'm a year behind, and I'm trying to catch up so I can just be normal. Is wanting to be normal so wrong?

OP, in just about every other state you would have been considered to be going to school on-time. To anyone who grew up in those states, it will be perfectly "normal" for you to turn 19 in October. You would be abnormal if you did that as a sophomore.

Were you teased in school about this?

DP. I turned 18 towards the end of first semester Freshman Year. I was the only person I knew not 18 at Orientation. I was weird. Not the people turning 19.

[Anonymous]

Is this person related to the poster last year who was upset she wasn't graduating college until she was 23? I bet they'd be friends.

OP, it really and truly doesn't matter. I went to college with people who turned 18 and 19 their freshman year (mostly 19) and no one cared at all.

[Anonymous]

I think you would benefit from seeing a therapist. You sound very unhealthily attached to this age thing.

[Anonymous]

Op, I get that it isn't feeling good to you to feel behind. It sounds though that you have progressed on schedule throughout your schooling. You haven't failed. You started a year later than some of your peers - a decision your parents made for whatever their reasons but you have been with this peer group throughout. Are there others in your year that are the same age as you?

I think what you will find is that in college - age becomes completely unimportant. People start college st many different ages. No on is going to see you as behind.

I am sorry this is bothering you so much for so many years. Is it is something that others have commented on or has it always just been an internal struggle within yourself over feeling as though you being held back a year before starting school and you have always felt behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I get that it isn't feeling good to you to feel behind. It sounds though that you have progressed on schedule throughout your schooling. You haven't failed. You started a year later than some of your peers - a decision your parents made for whatever their reasons but you have been with this peer group throughout. Are there others in your year that are the same age as you?

I think what you will find is that in college - age becomes completely unimportant. People start college st many different ages. No on is going to see you as behind.

I am sorry this is bothering you so much for so many years. Is it is something that others have commented on or has it always just been an internal struggle within yourself over feeling as though you being held back a year before starting school and you have always felt behind.

+1 this is all very true and an empathetic response. OP it’s normal to want to feel normal, I think what most are trying to say is we totally view you as normal! I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this for so long and I hope and think as you get into adulthood you’ll be able to enjoy where you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think you would benefit from seeing a therapist. You sound very unhealthily attached to this age thing.

Agree with therapy. My two oldest kids both left for college when they were 16. Their age wasn't a big deal.
Your maturity level is a bigger deal than your age. And your obsession with your age is a sign of your immaturity.

[Anonymous]

Op— clearly something is broken in your life. And you think skipping ahead a year will solve it. It almost certainly won’t. You resent your parents for holding you back. But if they are like 90% of the parents I know, they put some thought into it, got advice from the pediatrician and pre-school, etc. and made the best decision they could at the time. You were borderline, and if you had been born two weeks later— or 2 days later— if your mom had been overdue— it wouldn’t have even been an issue.

Your resentment and desperation to “catch up” seem out of proportion with a decision to redshirt. Which is common for fall birthdays— especially October birthdays and works well for many kids. If you have social problems, it is not only, or even mostly, because you were redshirted with a fall birthday. If anything, this should have helped socially.

Your parents are right about overaccelerating. And education isn’t a race. Between redshirting and gaps years, starting college at 19 is pretty common. I have a HS senior who will turn 18 next week who is taking a gap year. He has ADHD and weak executive functioning and attends one of the super competitive public DMV STEM magnets and is burnt out. And has found something productive to do next his year. So I think it’s a great choice. And he won’t be behind his peers. He’ll be ready for college.

After colleges, many, if not most, grad schools like to see you take a year or two off, at least.

You you feel isolated or different, start working with a therapist and figure out why. It almost certainly is not that you were red shirted. Although I’m sure it’s easier to blame your parents for your social failings rather than face them head on. And honestly, you sound immature for an 18 year old.

Grow up if you want to be treated like a grown up.

[Anonymous]

Lots of kids take a gap year or graduate on a 5 year plan. Nobody's going to care about your age, but you. If you tank your GPA trying to do too much at once, you'll regret it.