My parents won't let me catch up. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Okay, so a few months ago, I made a thread explaining that my parents started me in school a year late. My birthday's October 1st, 2000 and the cutoff where I live is the new year, which meant that I should have gone to Kindergarten in the fall of 2005, yet my parents purposely waited until the fall of 2006 to send me. In the thread I made back in September, I expressed my desire to go to college in a state with a September(or earlier) cut-off, as those states wouldn't have allowed me or anyone else with an October birthday to start until being almost 6, which means that I would fit in a lot better at that out-of-state university.

I might share that all through my schooling career, I've tried desperately to get into my rightful grade. Every year I tried to skip a grade, but always failed, which was admittedly my fault. However, when I got to high school, I really wanted to take advantage of the option to graduate in 3 years instead of 4, but my parents wouldn't let me. They also wouldn't let me take more than one AP course during a school-year or enroll in community college during high-school. As a result, I'll enter college with only 6 units of AP credit. My wish to attend college in state with a September cut-off has been my one of more recent attempts to blend in with the crowd. However, after many arguments with my parents, that has failed too. I am going to a local state college this fall.

Now, my parents are trying to prevent me from doing the last thing I can do to catch up. If I take 12 units this summer, 15 units during the fall and spring semesters, and then another 12 units during the following, that, combined with my 6 units of AP credit will give me 60 units, which means that I'll be a junior in the fall of 2020, instead of a sophomore. However, my parents think that I'll fail in summer classes and will be worth the money. If I just go to school in the regular semesters, and take 18 units a semester, I'll graduate in 3.5 years in the fall of 2022, which would still be better than graduating in the spring of 2023. But my parents have said they won't let me take more than 15 units a semester.

If I take out student loans, then I'll be able to take whatever classes I want, whenever I want, but I need my parents' cooperation when it comes to filling out those forms, and of course they won't cooperate, which I don't understand. This would save them so much money. They seem to think that I'll acquire a greater debt than I'll be able to repay if I take out student loans, which I know I won't do. I just don't know what to do at this point. You'd think my parents would realize after 13 years that holding me back from Kindergarten was a mistake, yet they are not interested in fixing it.

[Anonymous]

My son is also graduating from high school this June. He will turn 18 in July. Right now he is living his best life. He’s happy, getting his work done for school without too much stress, and having a great time with friends this spring. He really has not a care in the world. We’re truly enjoying this time with him as we know things will change in August when he goes off to school.

Drop the rope, OP. Focus on something else like friends and hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Slow your roll. Life goes by fast enough.

[Anonymous]

To be fair - at this point it doesn't matter. Push though on what you want to do not on some time frame that is now 1/18th of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so a few months ago, I made a thread explaining that my parents started me in school a year late. My birthday's October 1st, 2000 and the cutoff where I live is the new year, which meant that I should have gone to Kindergarten in the fall of 2005, yet my parents purposely waited until the fall of 2006 to send me. In the thread I made back in September, I expressed my desire to go to college in a state with a September(or earlier) cut-off, as those states wouldn't have allowed me or anyone else with an October birthday to start until being almost 6, which means that I would fit in a lot better at that out-of-state university.

I might share that all through my schooling career, I've tried desperately to get into my rightful grade. Every year I tried to skip a grade, but always failed, which was admittedly my fault. However, when I got to high school, I really wanted to take advantage of the option to graduate in 3 years instead of 4, but my parents wouldn't let me. They also wouldn't let me take more than one AP course during a school-year or enroll in community college during high-school. As a result, I'll enter college with only 6 units of AP credit. My wish to attend college in state with a September cut-off has been my one of more recent attempts to blend in with the crowd. However, after many arguments with my parents, that has failed too. I am going to a local state college this fall.

Now, my parents are trying to prevent me from doing the last thing I can do to catch up. If I take 12 units this summer, 15 units during the fall and spring semesters, and then another 12 units during the following, that, combined with my 6 units of AP credit will give me 60 units, which means that I'll be a junior in the fall of 2020, instead of a sophomore. However, my parents think that I'll fail in summer classes and will be worth the money. If I just go to school in the regular semesters, and take 18 units a semester, I'll graduate in 3.5 years in the fall of 2022, which would still be better than graduating in the spring of 2023. But my parents have said they won't let me take more than 15 units a semester.

If I take out student loans, then I'll be able to take whatever classes I want, whenever I want, but I need my parents' cooperation when it comes to filling out those forms, and of course they won't cooperate, which I don't understand. This would save them so much money. They seem to think that I'll acquire a greater debt than I'll be able to repay if I take out student loans, which I know I won't do. I just don't know what to do at this point. You'd think my parents would realize after 13 years that holding me back from Kindergarten was a mistake, yet they are not interested in fixing it.

It doesn't matter at all if you graduate one year later than everyone else. My dd whom I sent on time is taking a gap year so she will be one year older when she starts, same as you. What's the rush? Don't you want to enjoy college? With a 18 credit load you won't be able to do much besides study and go to class. Don't you want to have some fun?

[Anonymous]

Why on earth does this matter? I graduated from college at 20. Didn't put me ahead in any meaningful sense.

[Anonymous]

Op what is driving your desire to be a year ahead? There will be many kids in college who are your age.

Are you wanting to finish a year sooner for a specific reason?

[Anonymous]

Clearly you feel out of place and want to belong in your "cohort" and think that graduating college at a certain age will get you there. Honestly and logically it doesn't matter. Age really is just a number and maybe your parents madetbe decision based on your childhood maturity and maybe they are now being over protective with their focus on limiting how much you take on. Graduating college debt free is a a gift that will allow for a much easier launch in life.
However, I don't want to dismiss that what you are feeling, the outof olaceness is completely genuine and real. I would focus on digging a little into why you feel like that and what specifically you feel out of place about. This would need a good therapist who has experience with young adults. Can you suggest to your parents that you'd like to talk to sometime since you have concerns going into this next stage and you want all the tools to succeed in college? And get the most out of it? Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Op, you said you've always tried to get one grade ahead and have always failed. I don't blame your parents for not wanting you to do all this just to graduate that much earlier. Enjoy college.

[Anonymous]

When you get to college, no one will look down on you for being a 19 year old freshman. Between gap years and other opportunities, it’s hardly noticeable.

[Anonymous]

OP, any college you attend will likely have students from out of state. You would have been considered an on-time entry into kindergarten in the vast majority of the US. You will start college at 18 like most of your peers.

I sense this has been a huge sticking point for you, but honestly no one will notice and no one will care. That course load will be painful and difficult to manage.

Can I ask why this is looming so large in your mind? What is it that bothers you so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op what is driving your desire to be a year ahead? There will be many kids in college who are your age.

Are you wanting to finish a year sooner for a specific reason?

I'm not trying to get a year ahead. Right now, I'm a year behind, and I'm trying to catch up so I can just be normal. Is wanting to be normal so wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what is driving your desire to be a year ahead? There will be many kids in college who are your age.

Are you wanting to finish a year sooner for a specific reason?

I'm not trying to get a year ahead. Right now, I'm a year behind, and I'm trying to catch up so I can just be normal. Is wanting to be normal so wrong?

You're not behind. You just are. Wanting to be normal is a very reasonable feeling. But what's normal? You clearly have a very high attachment to being at a certain life marker at a certain age. This will probably not change and be difficult for you so I'd take the time to sort out now why it's so bothersome to you. Will you need to be in a certain position at a certain age?, married? Have a house, see a certain number of countries? Have kids all by a certain "deadline" or you'll be behind? That's the big life picture and you're already on a path of looking at things in a more difficult light.

[Anonymous]

None of your fellow freshman are going to blink an eye when you turn 19 in October. There will be many other people doing the same. The only one who thinks this is abnormal or that you're a year behind is you. Just go and enjoy college. Take 15 credits fall semester and see how it goes. Make new friends. Fall in love. Get your heart broken. Drink a bit if that's your thing. Join some clubs. Stay up all night playing cards. Stay up all night having deep, philosophical conversations. Realize you hate your major and change it.

If it all goes well, then you can start taking 18 credits and take classes the summer before sophomore year if you still want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what is driving your desire to be a year ahead? There will be many kids in college who are your age.

Are you wanting to finish a year sooner for a specific reason?

I'm not trying to get a year ahead. Right now, I'm a year behind, and I'm trying to catch up so I can just be normal. Is wanting to be normal so wrong?

If it means twisting your life around to be like everyone else--or how you perceive everyone else as being--then, yes, it is pretty wrong.