Panicking about 2nd kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only a jerk would enjoy being an only child.

Wtf? My husband is an only and his childhood was just fine.

OP, I can relate although I'm only in my first trimester with my second. We tried for so long and yet when I got the positive test my initial reactions were fear and uncertainty. My older kid is really tough and I wonder how my husband and I will navigate parenting a second. But I know that my long term vision for my family is having two kids, so I'm embracing the uncertainty and talking up the joys of a baby sibling to my older kid. Good luck, OP. I hope you love your new family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 8 days away from having our second kid and honestly, I feel like we made a huge mistake. We were on the fence to begin with and had a very "well what the hell, if we don't we'll always wonder what if" attitude so we went ahead and did it. I went out tonight with a friend who grew up an only and we were talking about siblings and I realized that I don't even like my sisters that much, and she's really happy she grew up as an only, and now I feel like we made such a bad decision. The amount of money and effort a second kid is going to add is so not worth it, DD1 is great and easy and everything would be perfect if we had just stopped. Now.... ugh. Why did we do this?!?!

You're a day late and a dollar short. As with everything in life, you take it one step at a time. You will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you might like to hang on to a counter story, I’m an only child and it’s a big reason why I’m pregnant with my 2nd now! I had a great childhood in many ways but it could be lonely. Now that my parents are aging and have health problems, I’d do anything to have a sibling to navigate that with me. The beginning will probably be hard but you can do this!

[Anonymous]

As someone who was exactly in your position and is currently a couple months in with #2, I think what you’re feeling is completely normal and I have to say that so far #2 has been so much better than I imagined. Yes it’s hard and our family dynamic is a bit different (we also have a 4 year old) but you get into a new groove pretty quickly and it becomes your new normal. Since my older one is a bit older I was really worried about going back to sleepless nights, diapers, naps, etc but the second time around at least you know how fast time passes and that it’s all just a phase.

DH wanted a second and I was pretty ambivalent but I am so glad he pushed me and I truly can’t imagine life without #2. The fear of the unknown is so much scarier than the reality of it. And for every challenge the good far outweighs the bad.

I was pretty negative/freaked out/ambivalent until the baby was born, and then I fell in love immediately. That isn’t always the case but I think you will find you worried for nothing. You got this!! Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

We are rooting for you!

[Anonymous]

I'm on only child, and I enjoyed it and the privileges it brought (more travel, more space, more flexibility, more attention). BUT, I have two daughters, and the best part of my day is seeing them grin like idiots at each other. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I have no idea how close they'll be as they get older, but it feels so, so worth it right now.

[Anonymous]

Don't shoot the second arrow.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dont-shoot-the-second-arr_n_5102701

[Anonymous]

I'm about to have my second in a couple of months and my kids will be 5 years apart, both girls. I grew up an only and loved it UNTIL now, both of my parents are old and have health issues. It is really really hard being an only navigating that role as taking care of your aging parents in their golden years. Being an only has its perks but so does having a sibling. Literally the only reason we had 1 more is so my oldest can have a teammate in later life. I want them to be friends but don't expect it necessarily. My hope is that they will be close when they are older and can help with me when my husband and I are older and decrepit. You are giving your only a teammate! It will be good and hard and all the things - but you will get through it and you may even have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to have my second in a couple of months and my kids will be 5 years apart, both girls. I grew up an only and loved it UNTIL now, both of my parents are old and have health issues. It is really really hard being an only navigating that role as taking care of your aging parents in their golden years. Being an only has its perks but so does having a sibling. Literally the only reason we had 1 more is so my oldest can have a teammate in later life. I want them to be friends but don't expect it necessarily. My hope is that they will be close when they are older and can help with me when my husband and I are older and decrepit. You are giving your only a teammate! It will be good and hard and all the things - but you will get through it and you may even have fun.

[Anonymous]

Bringing a human being to the world is a big deal. If you are not panicking for some reason or another, you do not understand the gravity of the job. But focus that energy in getting a good outcome to you, your family, and the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to have my second in a couple of months and my kids will be 5 years apart, both girls. I grew up an only and loved it UNTIL now, both of my parents are old and have health issues. It is really really hard being an only navigating that role as taking care of your aging parents in their golden years. Being an only has its perks but so does having a sibling. Literally the only reason we had 1 more is so my oldest can have a teammate in later life. I want them to be friends but don't expect it necessarily. My hope is that they will be close when they are older and can help with me when my husband and I are older and decrepit. You are giving your only a teammate! It will be good and hard and all the things - but you will get through it and you may even have fun.

Ha! If you think being an only and taking care of aging parents is hard, try doing it with a completely dysfunctional sibling whose contribution is to make the situation far worse.

[Anonymous]

I think it's just nerves. I have two and am so glad I had a second child. It's hard when they are both little and still so dependent on you but once they get older, they can entertain one another. My good friend has an only and she is constantly looking to make plans because her child is always bored and wants a playmate. It seems harder for her with one child than it is for me. I also have a sibling and we are still close. I can't imagine not having had him in my life, not having my niece and nephew, not having cousins for my kids to play with. Having a sibling was such a gift for me. And my kids are best buddies--they get sad when the other one is gone.

[Anonymous]

Most of us prefer what we know. Only children like being only children. People with sibs like having sibs. You will be fine, so will your kiddos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to have my second in a couple of months and my kids will be 5 years apart, both girls. I grew up an only and loved it UNTIL now, both of my parents are old and have health issues. It is really really hard being an only navigating that role as taking care of your aging parents in their golden years. Being an only has its perks but so does having a sibling. Literally the only reason we had 1 more is so my oldest can have a teammate in later life. I want them to be friends but don't expect it necessarily. My hope is that they will be close when they are older and can help with me when my husband and I are older and decrepit. You are giving your only a teammate! It will be good and hard and all the things - but you will get through it and you may even have fun.

Ha! If you think being an only and taking care of aging parents is hard, try doing it with a completely dysfunctional sibling whose contribution is to make the situation far worse.

Wait, are you saying not all siblings are default BFFs? GTFO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to have my second in a couple of months and my kids will be 5 years apart, both girls. I grew up an only and loved it UNTIL now, both of my parents are old and have health issues. It is really really hard being an only navigating that role as taking care of your aging parents in their golden years. Being an only has its perks but so does having a sibling. Literally the only reason we had 1 more is so my oldest can have a teammate in later life. I want them to be friends but don't expect it necessarily. My hope is that they will be close when they are older and can help with me when my husband and I are older and decrepit. You are giving your only a teammate! It will be good and hard and all the things - but you will get through it and you may even have fun.

Ha! If you think being an only and taking care of aging parents is hard, try doing it with a completely dysfunctional sibling whose contribution is to make the situation far worse.

Wait, are you saying not all siblings are default BFFs? GTFO!

My sister and I are BFF and partners on parent care. My mom's sister is the bane of her existence and did literally NOTHING but criticize my mom when she did all the parent care solo. It's a crap shoot. Planning two for BFFs and senior care decades from now seems naive to me. We are having an only because of our ages and money, and the amount of people telling me I'm going to ruin the child's life is hilarious. Our kid will be born in a first world country to two educated parents, I think it's going to be just fine with or without a sibling. And I think we can plan for our aging just fine over the next few decades without putting it all on this person we have never met nor even evaluated in terms of ability to manage our health and money.