Panicking about 2nd kid

[Anonymous]

I am 8 days away from having our second kid and honestly, I feel like we made a huge mistake. We were on the fence to begin with and had a very "well what the hell, if we don't we'll always wonder what if" attitude so we went ahead and did it. I went out tonight with a friend who grew up an only and we were talking about siblings and I realized that I don't even like my sisters that much, and she's really happy she grew up as an only, and now I feel like we made such a bad decision. The amount of money and effort a second kid is going to add is so not worth it, DD1 is great and easy and everything would be perfect if we had just stopped. Now.... ugh. Why did we do this?!?!

[Anonymous]

Try to keep your thoughts positive hun. We manifest what we ruminate about.

[Anonymous]

Stop acting so immature. You made the decision, now make the best of it.

[Anonymous]

I had two children back to back and I remember feeling the same way as you are feeling right now about a week before my second was born. I cried and really didn’t tell anyone about my anxiety.

Needless to say ten years later, having two was one of the best blessings I’ve encountered. They are very close (and give each other support in so many ways) and I’ve worked hard to nurture that closeness through early SEL (social emotional learning) work.

They are very compassionate kids in general, I think siblings have a better chance at learning peer to peer compassion if parents are intentional about nurturing it.

.

[Anonymous]

Pp here again,

What helped me get the anxiety off my mind was to shift my thinking to how can I get my first child more involved with baby and the process. Age plays a factor so you’d of course need to consider what is age appropriate for the first child. If the first child is 0-2 it may happen a little later developmentally. But if the first child is let’s say three... you could consider starting with props to show the three year old how to care for baby. Of course, you wouldn’t allow a three-year-old to actually supervise the baby, but even infusing the idea of empowerment in care early (through play) plants a positive seed.

[Anonymous]

A three year old can also do little jobs to garner praise ... things like “Oh Larlo you’re such a strong big sister/big brother I see you wiping off the toys/chair with the wet wipe. I’m so proud of how strong you are, the baby loves you so much. The baby can’t wait to grow up a little and play with you” Little consistent moments like that can plant those caring compassionate seeds of connection.

[Anonymous]

I hear your anxiousness; I’d ignore the only child friend who just loved being an only child. Good for them. Focus on your family and your own version of happy. Hugs honey! No more DCUM until after baby!

[Anonymous]

I am an only but have a cousin who grew up in the same household so I consider him my older brother. I love having a "sibling." He is also an only. We have other cousins but it's not the same. Even though we are completely different people, and now live on different continent, we have someone to lean on when needed.

[Anonymous]

Your poor child, so horrible you should feel like that when his or her life should be celebrated...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to keep your thoughts positive hun. We manifest what we ruminate about.

This. If you keep focusing on how difficult it's going to be, it's going to be difficult. You can't control that you're going to have a second kid anymore, so control your attitude about it.

[Anonymous]

Only a jerk would enjoy being an only child.

[Anonymous]

Not all sibling relationships are the same. Your child might love having a sibling and cherish the relationship. My sister and I are so close. We had so much fun together growing up and are still very close as adults.

[Anonymous]

This is normal, OP. When your baby is here, you won’t have these feelings anymore.

[Anonymous]

Well, you can't put the shit back in the horse so you might as well stop letting your anxiety get the better of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only a jerk would enjoy being an only child.

Oh? You sound so wise and experienced. A$$hat.

I'm an only child. I don't have anything to compare it to, so it seems weird to say I 'enjoyed' it. But I definitely didn't mind being an only child and I had a lovely childhood.