Panicking about 2nd kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your poor child, so horrible you should feel like that when his or her life should be celebrated...

Oh stop, it's so common to feel buyers remorse on the eve of having another child. You're about to throw your life for a loop and throw your kids lives for a loop and there is ALWAYS going to be a few "oh shit what I have I done" moments. Don't pretend like you've never had a moment's pause in the newborn phase with your first baby, for example? Like "oh my God, I didn't realize this is how it would be sometimes.... will this ever get better... what if it doesn't?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to have my second in a couple of months and my kids will be 5 years apart, both girls. I grew up an only and loved it UNTIL now, both of my parents are old and have health issues. It is really really hard being an only navigating that role as taking care of your aging parents in their golden years. Being an only has its perks but so does having a sibling. Literally the only reason we had 1 more is so my oldest can have a teammate in later life. I want them to be friends but don't expect it necessarily. My hope is that they will be close when they are older and can help with me when my husband and I are older and decrepit. You are giving your only a teammate! It will be good and hard and all the things - but you will get through it and you may even have fun.

Ha! If you think being an only and taking care of aging parents is hard, try doing it with a completely dysfunctional sibling whose contribution is to make the situation far worse.

Wait, are you saying not all siblings are default BFFs? GTFO!

My sister and I are BFF and partners on parent care. My mom's sister is the bane of her existence and did literally NOTHING but criticize my mom when she did all the parent care solo. It's a crap shoot. Planning two for BFFs and senior care decades from now seems naive to me. We are having an only because of our ages and money, and the amount of people telling me I'm going to ruin the child's life is hilarious. Our kid will be born in a first world country to two educated parents, I think it's going to be just fine with or without a sibling. And I think we can plan for our aging just fine over the next few decades without putting it all on this person we have never met nor even evaluated in terms of ability to manage our health and money.

Ugh one of my parents is an only child and has made the same comment. It sucks to hear the judgment, especially for me since there's nothing I can do to give my child a sibling.

And yet I think you're absolutely right. I don't want my kid(s) to have to do anything for me other than be nice when they visit me in the old folks home once in a while. A second kid is not an insurance policy.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I just wanted to update in case any other mamas pregnant with #2 were reading this and feeling the same way.

DD2 came 8 days ago and I am over the moon. I love her more than I thought was possible. It's been hectic and hard in some ways (although the really hard part will be going back to work because we are just barely functioning as is). But the hard feels totally worth it because our family feels so complete now. I spent 40 weeks with absolutely no attachment to this baby or my pregnancy, and now I'm obsessed with her and fantasizing about our future with two kids. DD1 is acting out quite a bit which is making things harder, but she ADORES the baby. We all do.

I don't want to sugarcoat the hard because it is real, but I just had to update this to share how happy we are that DD2 is here, and how excited I am to watch her grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just wanted to update in case any other mamas pregnant with #2 were reading this and feeling the same way.

DD2 came 8 days ago and I am over the moon. I love her more than I thought was possible. It's been hectic and hard in some ways (although the really hard part will be going back to work because we are just barely functioning as is). But the hard feels totally worth it because our family feels so complete now. I spent 40 weeks with absolutely no attachment to this baby or my pregnancy, and now I'm obsessed with her and fantasizing about our future with two kids. DD1 is acting out quite a bit which is making things harder, but she ADORES the baby. We all do.

I don't want to sugarcoat the hard because it is real, but I just had to update this to share how happy we are that DD2 is here, and how excited I am to watch her grow up.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with DD2, I appreciate the update! You're making me feel more confident!

[Anonymous]

Congrats, OP !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just wanted to update in case any other mamas pregnant with #2 were reading this and feeling the same way.

DD2 came 8 days ago and I am over the moon. I love her more than I thought was possible. It's been hectic and hard in some ways (although the really hard part will be going back to work because we are just barely functioning as is). But the hard feels totally worth it because our family feels so complete now. I spent 40 weeks with absolutely no attachment to this baby or my pregnancy, and now I'm obsessed with her and fantasizing about our future with two kids. DD1 is acting out quite a bit which is making things harder, but she ADORES the baby. We all do.

I don't want to sugarcoat the hard because it is real, but I just had to update this to share how happy we are that DD2 is here, and how excited I am to watch her grow up.

This is really helpful, thank you for posting back. We just decided to try for a second but I've been reluctant to mess up what we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop acting so immature. You made the decision, now make the best of it.

Amen! Or, put child up for adoption to someone who would welcome and love him.

[Anonymous]

It is going to be okay. Everything will be fine. You are stressing because you are about to give a birth to a new beautiful baby. Soon it will be here and you will feel so overjoyed that you gave your kid a sibling and now you have a more blanked familial. It will be more difficult for a while but then it will be much easier and at the end of the day you will love having bigger family. When you will be older and one kid will be too busy to keep in touch with you will always have second one to talk to. And also what a potential for gossip when they grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just wanted to update in case any other mamas pregnant with #2 were reading this and feeling the same way.

DD2 came 8 days ago and I am over the moon. I love her more than I thought was possible. It's been hectic and hard in some ways (although the really hard part will be going back to work because we are just barely functioning as is). But the hard feels totally worth it because our family feels so complete now. I spent 40 weeks with absolutely no attachment to this baby or my pregnancy, and now I'm obsessed with her and fantasizing about our future with two kids. DD1 is acting out quite a bit which is making things harder, but she ADORES the baby. We all do.

I don't want to sugarcoat the hard because it is real, but I just had to update this to share how happy we are that DD2 is here, and how excited I am to watch her grow up.

Pregnant with baby #2 and scared too. Congratulations and thank you for the update!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear your anxiousness; I’d ignore the only child friend who just loved being an only child. Good for them. Focus on your family and your own version of happy. Hugs honey! No more DCUM until after baby!

This is the best answer.

I was in a similar place, I get it, but everything is going to be fine, I promise.