Should Parents Register their Misbehaving/Etc Kids for Soccer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
WTF kind of society are we in that this child is not allowed to play soccer.

Mid-season we found out his old team pretended they broke up but stayed together and we had to play them, his mom was really upset.

Usually my H and I would just play all the kids even, where ever and not worry about winning. But we knew we could win, we put this kid as striker, we put my super athletic son in the goal, shut down the other team on defense and only sent the ball to this kid to score. We destroyed the other team and ran up the score. It was poetic.

When it was time to shake hands the other coach said, "I know what you did" and my H said, "and I know what you did"... the man said, "to be fair I didn't do it"... my H said, "yea you did, you fing suck, and you broke his mom's heart"

His mom said to me "ive never really understood the joy of competition and winning until right this moment."

This happened to a friend of mine. The coach disbanded the team and formed a "new" one minus a few kids. DC and other kids were surprised and upset their friends were no longer included. A few parents tried to ask what happened but didn't get any good response. I don't think the coach knows but a number of players, some good ones, will leave after this season. The whole point of rec for them was to be with their friends and at that age they don't see the clumsy kid, the overweight kid, the kid with special needs. They just know Larlo, Bobby and Jimmy aren't there anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On my DS’s team, the coach would have to remove his own kid.

I’m a mom with a DH who coaches. I have pulled my own kid out of a game for poor sportsmanship when DH was the coach (it was soccer and he got accidentally tripped but my kid thought it was on purpose - then pushed the kid. That said my own kid has gotten much better with sportsmanship as he gets older.). To be clear, great coaches are great. IME it’s often not someone who *wants* to do it but has to do it because no one else will. I know when you get a good coach you try to stay with them! We even agree to assist coach etc to ensure our kid is on the team etc.

I also don’t care whether a kid is good at the sport if they have a good attitude and want to try.

When I refer to any behavior issues, I usually feel bad about how I feel. Then I actually usually end up hearing similar stories if the kid is ever on another team too etc., so then it makes me feel better that it wasn’t “just me.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On my DS’s team, the coach would have to remove his own kid.

I’m a mom with a DH who coaches. I have pulled my own kid out of a game for poor sportsmanship when DH was the coach (it was soccer and he got accidentally tripped but my kid thought it was on purpose - then pushed the kid. That said my own kid has gotten much better with sportsmanship as he gets older.). To be clear, great coaches are great. IME it’s often not someone who *wants* to do it but has to do it because no one else will. I know when you get a good coach you try to stay with them! We even agree to assist coach etc to ensure our kid is on the team etc.

I also don’t care whether a kid is good at the sport if they have a good attitude and want to try.

When I refer to any behavior issues, I usually feel bad about how I feel. Then I actually usually end up hearing similar stories if the kid is ever on another team too etc., so then it makes me feel better that it wasn’t “just me.”

And really I think the parents should be involved more if there are issues like I said before. I’m not really annoyed at the kid.

[Anonymous]

I am disappointed that you know so little about children with learning differences or special needs. There are many more than you know! It's a spectrum, and all families carry genes that are susceptible of being expressed in one of your members on day, in the form of ADHD or Asperger's or whatever else.

Many countries ostracize these children and lack resources to educate them. The kids then grow up to have no potential at all, except to make trouble and be a burden.

The US has led the way in pioneering a more inclusive approach, which along with a breakdown of social taboos surrounding mental health has contributed to more identification, more early intervention, and more successful pharmacological and psychological treatment of these disorders.

It's a win-win because then society benefits from these persons' many skills in the workplace and beyond.

In brief, the children that are hard to parent and coach when they're young can grow up to be wonderful adults. Please work with these kids and their families. You will have to occasionally struggle with them, and struggle with parents in denial who are no help at all. But don't abandon the kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, kids need to learn to deal with distractions.

My H and I coached a team for a few years and they assigned us a kid that was super hyperactive.

At practice I had my son or my older son stand by him to redirect when he got off task. It really was not that difficult. Kids are way less judgemental than parents. Truthfully every kid had an issue but this boy's issue were just more obvious.

WTF kind of society are we in that this child is not allowed to play soccer.

Mid-season we found out his old team pretended they broke up but stayed together and we had to play them, his mom was really upset.

Usually my H and I would just play all the kids even, where ever and not worry about winning. But we knew we could win, we put this kid as striker, we put my super athletic son in the goal, shut down the other team on defense and only sent the ball to this kid to score. We destroyed the other team and ran up the score. It was poetic.

When it was time to shake hands the other coach said, "I know what you did" and my H said, "and I know what you did"... the man said, "to be fair I didn't do it"... my H said, "yea you did, you fing suck, and you broke his mom's heart"

His mom said to me "ive never really understood the joy of competition and winning until right this moment."

THis is awesome, we need more people like you. It's hard being a volunteer and the parents need to understand that these coaches are not paid and do it because they feel they can create a welcoming environment to all, not to just the athletically talented. One year at U7, I coached and decided I would not tolerate "too" much goofing around during practices. When a player would misbehave to the point where it disrupted the other kids I would make them run a lap. They stopped after running and it appeared to work, that is until a parent asked me why I made their child run, when I explained that I could yell at them, sit them out, list goes and on. That was the best I could do to make sure the other kids got the most out of practice, the parent said it's not fair to make them run. IT'S SOCCER! Kids got it and guess what, after the first 3 weeks, no on had to run anymore because they all paid attention.

[Anonymous]

I don't think EVEN rec soccer is for everyone. I know it it's all inclusive but parents, you know if you have a difficult kid or not. Why throw him to a parent volunteer coach that probably doesn't have the knowledge or time to work with your child independently. I just read many nice stories about inclusion and all that but, I agree that it's not fair for everyone to register a problem child....unless you volunteer to assist and be very hands on. Of course some horsing around is expected. They are kids. But I think everyone knows a dozen kids that OP is talking about. These kids need to work with their parents at home until they are ready. If the parent can't handle this, how can they expect another parent volunteer coach to handle it?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, pretty much. I do think these kids are why it's so hard to find people to coach rec. We don't want to have to deal with this crap. We aren't behavioral therapists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents should be involved in monitoring behaving and removing if needed. When I’m doing it - it’s volunteering and usually because no one else including that parent is willing to do it.
I have “threatened” to go get the kid’s parents if the kid couldn’t follow directions but I don’t think I’ve had to go get them - I think the kid has shaped up after that. Personably I think the parent should have been paying attention so I wouldn’t have had to get them because that takes away coverage from the other kids etc. when I have to leave. I’m annoyed at the parent in those situations but cest la vie.

The parents should know we notice this and it may factor in, in future decisions such as who is on the team etc.

What rec league lets the coaches pick and choose who is on their team?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents should be involved in monitoring behaving and removing if needed. When I’m doing it - it’s volunteering and usually because no one else including that parent is willing to do it.
I have “threatened” to go get the kid’s parents if the kid couldn’t follow directions but I don’t think I’ve had to go get them - I think the kid has shaped up after that. Personably I think the parent should have been paying attention so I wouldn’t have had to get them because that takes away coverage from the other kids etc. when I have to leave. I’m annoyed at the parent in those situations but cest la vie.

The parents should know we notice this and it may factor in, in future decisions such as who is on the team etc.

What rec league lets the coaches pick and choose who is on their team?

For one, little league drafting.
Others it could be less formal.

[Anonymous]

The kid I know who probably would have counted in OPs list of bad kids is now a 16-year-old DA player getting recruited to D1 programs.

[Anonymous]

There is some amount of misbehaving/not paying attention that is acceptable, but if it gets to the point of disrupting the team repeatedly, then team sports isn't a good fit for that kid and they shouldn't be on a team.

Also, after age 7, if your kid doesn't want to play the sport, don't sign them up for a team where other kids are counting on them at least trying. I pulled my DS out of baseball because he didn't really want to do it and it started affecting the other kids (he never refused to play, but you could tell he wasn't giving his full effort). On the flip side, my then 7 year old DD was really upset that half her team would just stand there during soccer games -- she was never upset with a teammate who tried but wasn't that good, but it really upset her when they simply didn't try at all.

[Anonymous]

I completely disagree. For 11 of those 12 you're talking about it is perfectly fine to have them on a rec team. There may be one who yells insults at the coach and pushes other kids to the ground in anger who would be better off in a different environment.

BUT the emotional kid who occasionally cries and takes a break from practice, the kid who thinks he's funny by kicking the ball off to the side when he's supposed to be doing a drill, and the kid who is silly and starts throwing grass... If it's U9 or younger this is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid I know who probably would have counted in OPs list of bad kids is now a 16-year-old DA player getting recruited to D1 programs.

I don’t doubt this is true in some instances

[Anonymous]

Wow, how shitty that a team pretended they weren't together any more just to get rid of one kid.

[Anonymous]

My son who's always been athletic and always loved soccer played on his U8 rec team with all kinds of kids, including one who was clearly on the spectrum. Behavioral issues, focus, acting out. The dad was actively involved, but at practice it was clearly an issue.
In the games though the kid was a defense machine. Nothing got past him. And all the kids including my son learned to rely on him, truly view him as a teammate and see his strengths despite some obvious issues. It was a positive for everyone. My son started travel the next year and a lot of the parents complained about the kids on rec, but I always thought my son got a few bigger lessons those two seasons that were much more important for his seven year old development.