Tell me about your love language

[Anonymous]

Mine changes depending on who I’m with. I want the thing that’s hardest for someone to give. I want quality time from the busy guy. Gifts from the guy who doesn’t like to spend money. Words of affirmation from the quiet guy. It’s probably not a healthy thing, but at least I’m aware of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine changes depending on who I’m with. I want the thing that’s hardest for someone to give. I want quality time from the busy guy. Gifts from the guy who doesn’t like to spend money. Words of affirmation from the quiet guy. It’s probably not a healthy thing, but at least I’m aware of it.

This actually makes a lot of sense since it’s the best proof of love

[Anonymous]

I think mine is gifts/tokens. But not big gifts because that annoys me and nobody can buy things I really like or want. More like surprise tokens of affection. Pick a flower for me on the way home. Give me a chocolate bar on some random day. Leave a note in my bag when I travel. I do these things too.

DH's language is to express extreme gratitude for stuff he does. I'm doing better at this because I don't really care about a lot of the little tasks he does around the house.

My sex language, on the other hand, is just make me feel desired. When men are with women long enough they seem to stop doing that which in turn can kill their partner's desire. I can't go from cold to hot, especially with a long-term partner, unless you do that for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine changes depending on who I’m with. I want the thing that’s hardest for someone to give. I want quality time from the busy guy. Gifts from the guy who doesn’t like to spend money. Words of affirmation from the quiet guy. It’s probably not a healthy thing, but at least I’m aware of it.

This actually makes a lot of sense since it’s the best proof of love

Really? It seems like the most messed up. Why be with somebody who can't give you what you want? It'd obviously trying to fix whatever they couldn't get from their parents. Whatever the dynamic was there must've been interesting.

[Anonymous]

My love language is "time, effort, action," as in "actions speak louder than words (or gifts). There is no substitute for time spent with someone or a meal made for someone or just a phone call to see how you are doing. Love languages be damned. Love is a verb. It requires action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine changes depending on who I’m with. I want the thing that’s hardest for someone to give. I want quality time from the busy guy. Gifts from the guy who doesn’t like to spend money. Words of affirmation from the quiet guy. It’s probably not a healthy thing, but at least I’m aware of it.

This actually makes a lot of sense since it’s the best proof of love

or, you want a well balanced and well rounded relationship - and each of these things is a piece of that.

[Anonymous]

So people confuse this issue; the way you want to receive love is not necessarily the way you're most comfortable showing it. The point is to figure out what makes your partner feel loved and do that, not act in the way that *you* are most comfortable. The former is expressing love towards another, the latter is just self-love (or selfishness).

Yeah it's new-agey and a little cheesy but ask any therapist; this stuff works. There's a reason this board is full of wives who want their husband to load the dishwasher and men who want their wives to touch them (many (obvs not all) women list acts of service as their preferred language, while men list physical touch).

I have a friend who is dying to hear her husband say thank you, for literally anything. He thinks grabbing her boobs is expressing love. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So people confuse this issue; the way you want to receive love is not necessarily the way you're most comfortable showing it. The point is to figure out what makes your partner feel loved and do that, not act in the way that *you* are most comfortable. The former is expressing love towards another, the latter is just self-love (or selfishness).

Yeah it's new-agey and a little cheesy but ask any therapist; this stuff works. There's a reason this board is full of wives who want their husband to load the dishwasher and men who want their wives to touch them (many (obvs not all) women list acts of service as their preferred language, while men list physical touch).

I have a friend who is dying to hear her husband say thank you, for literally anything. He thinks grabbing her boobs is expressing love. Sigh.

Yeah, that was me. DH refused to say thank you or acknowledge things I did. And I realized after a while I was fishing for that, so I could feel appreciated, by listing all the stuff I'd done that day. Nobody would bite (of course not the boys, but, you know, kids). DH repeatedly said he shouldn't have to thank me for things that just needed doing. We had multiple discussions around this. He has come around, though, and makes a point of thanking me now. I'm a little jaded, because know he does it under duress. But at the same time, I have to remind myself to hug him and give him that physical affection he wants. I realize it is a double standard and I should appreciate that he's trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My sex language, on the other hand, is just make me feel desired. When men are with women long enough they seem to stop doing that which in turn can kill their partner's desire. I can't go from cold to hot, especially with a long-term partner, unless you do that for me.

No wonder women tune out and get bored with monogamy faster than men. No one can ever make you feel desired like a total stranger desperate to get into your pants for the first time. Even if all they want is to hit it and quit it.

For men, a woman wanting to have sex with them in any situation is proof enough of desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My sex language, on the other hand, is just make me feel desired. When men are with women long enough they seem to stop doing that which in turn can kill their partner's desire. I can't go from cold to hot, especially with a long-term partner, unless you do that for me.

No wonder women tune out and get bored with monogamy faster than men. No one can ever make you feel desired like a total stranger desperate to get into your pants for the first time. Even if all they want is to hit it and quit it.

For men, a woman wanting to have sex with them in any situation is proof enough of desire.

So wait, women are supposed to fake being in the mood, but men can't fake wanting their wives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Acts of service/Quality time are tied for me
Physical touch is last

Close to mine, but I would say Tokens/Gifts are last for me.

[Anonymous]

My sex language, on the other hand, is just make me feel desired. When men are with women long enough they seem to stop doing that which in turn can kill their partner's desire. I can't go from cold to hot, especially with a long-term partner, unless you do that for me.

If only there were some way women could communicate this to their husbands, instead of expecting them to be dancing monkeys capable of recognizing by telepathy what ever-changing thing it is that makes their woman "feel desired".

And women love to say they are better at communication and people skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and it's acts of service. E.g. I will cook your favorite meal when I know you had an exhausting day and you will scrape the snow off my car in the morning.
It seems that this love language is rarer than the others

Lol. This is my husband's and it's annoying. I like presents and sweet words not somebody fixing the garbage disposal. If I need a plumber I will call one. I am a gift giver and he hates it. Thinks I am just creating clutter.

Umm... If you know he hates it, why do you buy him gifts? You want to show him you love him by doing stuff he hates??? Mkay...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My sex language, on the other hand, is just make me feel desired. When men are with women long enough they seem to stop doing that which in turn can kill their partner's desire. I can't go from cold to hot, especially with a long-term partner, unless you do that for me.

If only there were some way women could communicate this to their husbands, instead of expecting them to be dancing monkeys capable of recognizing by telepathy what ever-changing thing it is that makes their woman "feel desired".

And women love to say they are better at communication and people skills.

Tour relationship problems are probably, judging from your posts here, at least 80% your own fault. Do some introspection.

[Anonymous]

My primary is touch, his is acts of service. Lol the “service” I’d love isn’t readily apparent to him, but he takes out the trash and helps with kids.