Not physically attracted to husband

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have been married it seems like forever and we've both put on extra pounds that I know we'd both like to lose but it gets harder to lose when you are older. I still think he is one very good looking guy....for his age....and he can be very complimentary about me at times. We both still enjoy sex but only with candlelight!!!!

[Anonymous]

You find them online. DC is a hot bed for this with the traveling men and international airport. There is never a need to settle for a mediocre affair partner.

Now, getting a real relationship. . .

[Anonymous]

Everything you've said resonates with me, but 20+ years for me, and children.

Anonymous wrote:I feel shallow saying this, but it's hard to deny what your body is telling you - I don't feel physically attracted to him. It's hard to get turned on.

Yes, I feel shallow that i don't like my husband fat. He started getting fat before we got married but I had no idea it would continue and balloon the way it has. And I felt ashamed and shallow for not being attracted to him. I didn't realize it was OK to not be attracted to somebody that you already loved because they got fat. Ugg. I feel icky saying it even. Can I just admit that his fat body is kind of gross? No, because then I get shamed for feeling that way. It is pounded into us to pretend not to care.

It irritates me. And I sometimes wish I'd never married him.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a very sexual person. But physical intimacy with him is just not appealing. We have been married 12 years, during that time he has aged a lot faster than I have, in part because of my faster metabolism, but also I take better care of myself than he does (I eat healthy, exercise).

I also take better care of myself than my DH does, I'm fit and in shape.

Anonymous wrote:I have sex with him on a regular basis bc I love him. It's just not that good for me. He hasn't noticed, but I personally feel physically unfulfilled.

I can O, because DH is a good lover, but I feel empty inside after being with him. Really truly. But I have to schedule sex with him to wrap my mind around touching him naked.

Anonymous wrote:It's not something I can talk to him about - what should I even say? But I am guessing I'm probably not alone in this predicament.

You are not alone. I also don't want to say anything to DH. Because he knows he's fat. His kids tell him he's fat and ask him to exercise. Although when I say something I feel judged (for judging, I know).

[Anonymous]

DH here, if you aren't attracted to him, don't tell him but instead suggest things he could do to up his game. Also, perhaps opening the relationship is an option. I promise he wants to sleep with others as well.

As for affairs I have BTDT and can say that few women are able to keep it strictly physical. If you can then great, and yes of course they are hot.

Just show up at any business hotel bar and let the men in town on business come to you. They are usually high quality and married which means they are desperate for sex and affection and will make you feel like the most attractive woman in the world

[Anonymous]

testosterone deficiency is a real thing. Studies show the avg 30 year old today has something like 35% less T than a 30 year old from the 80s. Those nums are worse for 40s, 50+ its mostly why Viagra is a billion dollar business. Low T leads to weight gain/muscle loss, lack of drive other not so sexy things. Most of traces back to GMO's and other changes in our food supply...ie non organic

A friend of mine got the injections his muscle mass improved body fat dropped. I didnt need it because I supplement and eat organic/ workout 5 days a week

He should get his T checked and see what the Dr says as a protocol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here, if you aren't attracted to him, don't tell him but instead suggest things he could do to up his game. Also, perhaps opening the relationship is an option. I promise he wants to sleep with others as well.

As for affairs I have BTDT and can say that few women are able to keep it strictly physical. If you can then great, and yes of course they are hot.

Just show up at any business hotel bar and let the men in town on business come to you. They are usually high quality and married which means they are desperate for sex and affection and will make you feel like the most attractive woman in the world

I am so glad you wrote, DH. I have tried to address some aspects. He has no interest in grooming. I tried to get him to trim - that's a no go. He also has annoying habits like burping and farting that make him so so unsexy. He thinks I should like him just as he is. I do. But these things don't make me want to have sex. Thank god for lubricants.

[Anonymous]

I'm here for you, OP. I'll fill that void.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have the same problem and don’t know how to say it without hurting my DH’s feeling. Sometimes I feel resentful toward him because of this and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

Tell me more. How do people go about finding casual affair partners? Seriously, I don't want to leave my husband. I just want to have good sex with someone I am attracted to.

Man here, it's not hard finding a man to sleep with. Just have a friendly conversation and when he escalates with the flirting, escalate back. The key is to let him know you aren't looking to leave your marriage but just have fun. The reason why most men are hesitant to have an affair is the risk of bunny boiling or the woman catches feelings and pressures them to leave their wives. Sure, there are boyscouts out there but the majority of married men will be game if you can guarantee them privacy and sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have the same problem and don’t know how to say it without hurting my DH’s feeling. Sometimes I feel resentful toward him because of this and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

Tell me more. How do people go about finding casual affair partners? Seriously, I don't want to leave my husband. I just want to have good sex with someone I am attracted to.

Man here, it's not hard finding a man to sleep with. Just have a friendly conversation and when he escalates with the flirting, escalate back. The key is to let him know you aren't looking to leave your marriage but just have fun. The reason why most men are hesitant to have an affair is the risk of bunny boiling or the woman catches feelings and pressures them to leave their wives. Sure, there are boyscouts out there but the majority of married men will be game if you can guarantee them privacy and sanity.

If you’re at least an average looking woman (ie, not obese) then 9 out of 10 married men will jump right into bed with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

Tell me more. How do people go about finding casual affair partners? Seriously, I don't want to leave my husband. I just want to have good sex with someone I am attracted to.

Man here, it's not hard finding a man to sleep with. Just have a friendly conversation and when he escalates with the flirting, escalate back. The key is to let him know you aren't looking to leave your marriage but just have fun. The reason why most men are hesitant to have an affair is the risk of bunny boiling or the woman catches feelings and pressures them to leave their wives. Sure, there are boyscouts out there but the majority of married men will be game if you can guarantee them privacy and sanity.

If you’re at least an average looking woman (ie, not obese) then 9 out of 10 married men will jump right into bed with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

Tell me more. How do people go about finding casual affair partners? Seriously, I don't want to leave my husband. I just want to have good sex with someone I am attracted to.

Man here, it's not hard finding a man to sleep with. Just have a friendly conversation and when he escalates with the flirting, escalate back. The key is to let him know you aren't looking to leave your marriage but just have fun. The reason why most men are hesitant to have an affair is the risk of bunny boiling or the woman catches feelings and pressures them to leave their wives. Sure, there are boyscouts out there but the majority of married men will be game if you can guarantee them privacy and sanity.

If you’re at least an average looking woman (ie, not obese) then 9 out of 10 married men will jump right into bed with you.

I agree. Especially if they know you just want a little fun and excitement. It seems most women eventually want more than that though.

[Anonymous]

He cannot read your mind.

[Anonymous]

Start working out together. It could be very hot to go to the gym, go outside for a run, long bike ride, hike, and then come back and shower together with the endorphins on high. And this is a covert way of getting him into better shape without having to tell him directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have the same problem and don’t know how to say it without hurting my DH’s feeling. Sometimes I feel resentful toward him because of this and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

Tell me more. How do people go about finding casual affair partners? Seriously, I don't want to leave my husband. I just want to have good sex with someone I am attracted to.

Look no further, I’m here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have the same problem and don’t know how to say it without hurting my DH’s feeling. Sometimes I feel resentful toward him because of this and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

Tell me more. How do people go about finding casual affair partners? Seriously, I don't want to leave my husband. I just want to have good sex with someone I am attracted to.

Man here, it's not hard finding a man to sleep with. Just have a friendly conversation and when he escalates with the flirting, escalate back. The key is to let him know you aren't looking to leave your marriage but just have fun. The reason why most men are hesitant to have an affair is the risk of bunny boiling or the woman catches feelings and pressures them to leave their wives. Sure, there are boyscouts out there but the majority of married men will be game if you can guarantee them privacy and sanity.

Woman here and looking for a new AP. What he wrote is so true. An attractive, fit woman can find an AP almost anywhere.