Not physically attracted to husband

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. Still love and am attracted to my husband but the weight gain and loss of muscle is starting to make me sad. I really wish he’d eat healthier and exercise a little more! I know saying something would not work so I just focus on my own health and fitness. It does seem to motivate him at least somewhat as does seeing photos of himself...

[Anonymous]

Married fit man here in a sexless marriage. I would jump in bed with someone like you in a heart beat if I knew it would be a secret. Men are out there, you just have to ask.

[Anonymous]

I’m also not attracted to my husband but he’s a great dad and a good man, so I stay. It isn’t even that he is fat or gross, I just never felt the sexual chemistry. It’s sad but I find those certain needs met elsewhere with an AP. My AP’s have been long-term, loving ones that I usually break with when they want too much. It’s not the best way to live but at the core, my family life has a lot of value, too much to totally blow it all up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also not attracted to my husband but he’s a great dad and a good man, so I stay. It isn’t even that he is fat or gross, I just never felt the sexual chemistry. It’s sad but I find those certain needs met elsewhere with an AP. My AP’s have been long-term, loving ones that I usually break with when they want too much. It’s not the best way to live but at the core, my family life has a lot of value, too much to totally blow it all up.

Your great man husband deserves so much better than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also not attracted to my husband but he’s a great dad and a good man, so I stay. It isn’t even that he is fat or gross, I just never felt the sexual chemistry. It’s sad but I find those certain needs met elsewhere with an AP. My AP’s have been long-term, loving ones that I usually break with when they want too much. It’s not the best way to live but at the core, my family life has a lot of value, too much to totally blow it all up.

Do you have sex with your husband? Is he getting it elsewhere too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married fit man here in a sexless marriage. I would jump in bed with someone like you in a heart beat if I knew it would be a secret. Men are out there, you just have to ask.

Ditto, except I don't even care if it is kept secret because I'll be divorced soon anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, how many kids and are they in school? First years with kids can make it really rough to connect. I found it got better after the kids got older and we had more time for ourselves. The flame never came fully back, but I was really really attracted to him to start. Do you feel you settled from the being? When did it start to really decline?

[Anonymous]

Fortunes turn. Over time, everybody experience health issues. Then there's metamorphose. Into your 50s and 60s tides often turn, and society and media treats women more harshly than they do men. It might end up that you are the less attractive partner one day. If you want to put sexuality as the major consideration of your relationship... be prepared to be the one taking the heat at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married fit man here in a sexless marriage. I would jump in bed with someone like you in a heart beat if I knew it would be a secret. Men are out there, you just have to ask.

NP here - married woman. How do we “ask” you without coming off bluntly?
I’m considering this - someone I already know, we talk all day everyday - but not sure I can just come right out and ask - so awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel shallow saying this, but it's hard to deny what your body is telling you - I don't feel physically attracted to him. It's hard to get turned on.

I'm a very sexual person. But physical intimacy with him is just not appealing. We have been married 12 years, during that time he has aged a lot faster than I have, in part because of my faster metabolism, but also I take better care of myself than he does (I eat healthy, exercise).

I have sex with him on a regular basis bc I love him. It's just not that good for me. He hasn't noticed, but I personally feel physically unfulfilled.

It's not something I can talk to him about - what should I even say? But I am guessing I'm probably not alone in this predicament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married fit man here in a sexless marriage. I would jump in bed with someone like you in a heart beat if I knew it would be a secret. Men are out there, you just have to ask.

NP here - married woman. How do we “ask” you without coming off bluntly?
I’m considering this - someone I already know, we talk all day everyday - but not sure I can just come right out and ask - so awkward.

Be blunt. There a 9 in 10 chance he’s DTF and already thinking the same thing. Especially if he’s married, you can assume he is undersexed (surprise: wife isn’t attracted to him!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married fit man here in a sexless marriage. I would jump in bed with someone like you in a heart beat if I knew it would be a secret. Men are out there, you just have to ask.

NP here - married woman. How do we “ask” you without coming off bluntly?
I’m considering this - someone I already know, we talk all day everyday - but not sure I can just come right out and ask - so awkward.

Make him food. Find reasons to accidentally on purpose touch him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married fit man here in a sexless marriage. I would jump in bed with someone like you in a heart beat if I knew it would be a secret. Men are out there, you just have to ask.

NP here - married woman. How do we “ask” you without coming off bluntly?
I’m considering this - someone I already know, we talk all day everyday - but not sure I can just come right out and ask - so awkward.

Be blunt. There a 9 in 10 chance he’s DTF and already thinking the same thing. Especially if he’s married, you can assume he is undersexed (surprise: wife isn’t attracted to him!)

You are probably right. He’s in the middle of a divorce.
I’m not sure I can be blunt though-

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married fit man here in a sexless marriage. I would jump in bed with someone like you in a heart beat if I knew it would be a secret. Men are out there, you just have to ask.

NP here - married woman. How do we “ask” you without coming off bluntly?
I’m considering this - someone I already know, we talk all day everyday - but not sure I can just come right out and ask - so awkward.

No need to come right out. Bring up the fact your husband has been rejecting you at an appropriate time in conversation (how's it going? Tough day. Why? Husband and I are fighting. why?)

He will pounce if he is interested. It's how my AP and I got going

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married fit man here in a sexless marriage. I would jump in bed with someone like you in a heart beat if I knew it would be a secret. Men are out there, you just have to ask.

NP here - married woman. How do we “ask” you without coming off bluntly?
I’m considering this - someone I already know, we talk all day everyday - but not sure I can just come right out and ask - so awkward.

Here's a thought. Get a profile name here, and start DM conversations to meet people. It works.