Not physically attracted to husband

[Anonymous]

I feel shallow saying this, but it's hard to deny what your body is telling you - I don't feel physically attracted to him. It's hard to get turned on.

I'm a very sexual person. But physical intimacy with him is just not appealing. We have been married 12 years, during that time he has aged a lot faster than I have, in part because of my faster metabolism, but also I take better care of myself than he does (I eat healthy, exercise).

I have sex with him on a regular basis bc I love him. It's just not that good for me. He hasn't noticed, but I personally feel physically unfulfilled.

It's not something I can talk to him about - what should I even say? But I am guessing I'm probably not alone in this predicament.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say I'm not attracted to him so much as he just isn't very adventurous in bed and he doesn't like to talk about it, which are my two main things (adventure and talking about it). The main problem for me (and for you) is that you're not talking about it. For now it's less important to me than some other things and I'm fine with what we have and buying fancy vibrators for myself. If it's really an issue for you, you have to force the issue and talk about it. Try to do it in a strategic way, whatever that is for him (schedule a "talk," use a therapist, spring it on him while naked...idk but whatever you think would be best).

[Anonymous]

I also have the same problem and don’t know how to say it without hurting my DH’s feeling. Sometimes I feel resentful toward him because of this and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel shallow saying this, but it's hard to deny what your body is telling you - I don't feel physically attracted to him. It's hard to get turned on.

I'm a very sexual person. But physical intimacy with him is just not appealing. We have been married 12 years, during that time he has aged a lot faster than I have, in part because of my faster metabolism, but also I take better care of myself than he does (I eat healthy, exercise).

I have sex with him on a regular basis bc I love him. It's just not that good for me. He hasn't noticed, but I personally feel physically unfulfilled.

It's not something I can talk to him about - what should I even say? But I am guessing I'm probably not alone in this predicament.

OP, maybe you are less attracted because you are not feeling appreciated by DH? Would you be more attracted if he did more chores?

[Anonymous]

Female sexual boredom is inevitable... and is reason #2,344,089 why men should never get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have the same problem and don’t know how to say it without hurting my DH’s feeling. Sometimes I feel resentful toward him because of this and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

[Anonymous]

What was your sex life like early in your relationship? Were you ever attracted to him?

[Anonymous]

Has he gotten fat?

[Anonymous]

What to do

1. Keep modeling healthy eating habits
2. Suggest activities that require moving around (outdoorsy stuff) start taking walks together
3. You can tell him you are bored in bed and ask him to try new things that's fair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What to do

1. Keep modeling healthy eating habits
2. Suggest activities that require moving around (outdoorsy stuff) start taking walks together
3. You can tell him you are bored in bed and ask him to try new things that's fair

Thank you. #3 is especially good advise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he gotten fat?

He is def carrying around extra pounds around the belly area. I'm definitely attracted to fitter people. I don't have six pack abs or anything, but I do get a decent attention from men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was your sex life like early in your relationship? Were you ever attracted to him?

That's a good question. I was more attracted to him early on. After the first few years that we were married, he sort of let himself go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have the same problem and don’t know how to say it without hurting my DH’s feeling. Sometimes I feel resentful toward him because of this and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

In all seriousness, this is what makes affairs so dangerous. The newness, novelty, excitement, etc., have it all over boring old sameness.

Until finding DCUM (which was actually related to school issues), I had NO IDEA so many women cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have the same problem and don’t know how to say it without hurting my DH’s feeling. Sometimes I feel resentful toward him because of this and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.

Don’t feel guilty. It seems very few married woman enjoy sex (with their spouse). That’s what an affair partner is for.

Tell me more. How do people go about finding casual affair partners? Seriously, I don't want to leave my husband. I just want to have good sex with someone I am attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he gotten fat?

He is def carrying around extra pounds around the belly area. I'm definitely attracted to fitter people. I don't have six pack abs or anything, but I do get a decent attention from men.

You are definitely approaching dangerous affair territory.

And to the person who mentioned chores ... ha ha ha