Depressed and/or anxious SAHMs what helped you cope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a sitter for the 3 hrs a day that includes the 1.5 y.o.’s nap. You need a break.

This. Can you afford some a sitter for couple of hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM of 3.5 and 1.5 year-old boys. My husband works extremely long hours so during the week is often just the boys and I from wake up to bedtime. And the stress of this responsibility is really beginning to really wear on me. Going back to work isn’t an option right now. Please tell me what helped you overcome this horrible anxiety.

Are your kids special needs? You keep them alive, do some chores, and are accountable to no one. What is stress, is your DH a ‘dinner and martinis’ at door and wants hgtv house?

I would minimize stuff ( less to clean), makes meals simple, and take liberal walks and naps.

?? I wouldn't define any kid as special needs. Weird/offensive way to word it

My understanding is that it is a pretty typical way to describe anyone with developmental delays, ADHD, learning disabilities, on the spectrum, etc. I do not have a child with special needs at this point, but as a teacher, I did not find this part offensive. I did find the idea that one’s children have to be special needs to be considered challenging, or else you are a failure, a bit tone deaf. My kids are not difficult by any means in the classroom and appear not to have any delay, but I still find myself feeling highly challenged at certain points.

[Anonymous]

I started working part time on the weekends. It takes away from family time but helps me feel like a functioning human and not just “Mama”. Plus I get to use the bathroom alone there.

[Anonymous]

Get a PT job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a sitter for the 3 hrs a day that includes the 1.5 y.o.’s nap. You need a break.

This. Can you afford some a sitter for couple of hours?

Why get a sitter for nap time? What a waste! Many nannies work the after-school shift, and would be happy to pick up one morning per week.

OP you need:
-warmer weather to get outside more
-routines, routines, routines
-Re-examine your budget. If you can pay for cleaners, mommy and me classes or other help, do. If not, make peace with it and move on.
-expand your mom network

[Anonymous]

Getting away from the kids as much as possible. Full day preschool for the oldest and part time for the youngest.

[Anonymous]

Moms group and friendship with other sahm saved my sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a sitter for the 3 hrs a day that includes the 1.5 y.o.’s nap. You need a break.

Get a sitter for the two days your oldest is in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM of 3.5 and 1.5 year-old boys. My husband works extremely long hours so during the week is often just the boys and I from wake up to bedtime. And the stress of this responsibility is really beginning to really wear on me. Going back to work isn’t an option right now. Please tell me what helped you overcome this horrible anxiety.

Are your kids special needs? You keep them alive, do some chores, and are accountable to no one. What is stress, is your DH a ‘dinner and martinis’ at door and wants hgtv house?

I would minimize stuff ( less to clean), makes meals simple, and take liberal walks and naps.

?? I wouldn't define any kid as special needs. Weird/offensive way to word it

I would define the PP who asked that question as special needs though...

[Anonymous]

Why would you allow your husbands schedule to dictate your life this way? What do YOU want out of life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting away from the kids as much as possible. Full day preschool for the oldest and part time for the youngest.

Why even bother stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM of 3.5 and 1.5 year-old boys. My husband works extremely long hours so during the week is often just the boys and I from wake up to bedtime. And the stress of this responsibility is really beginning to really wear on me. Going back to work isn’t an option right now. Please tell me what helped you overcome this horrible anxiety.

Are your kids special needs? You keep them alive, do some chores, and are accountable to no one. What is stress, is your DH a ‘dinner and martinis’ at door and wants hgtv house?

I would minimize stuff ( less to clean), makes meals simple, and take liberal walks and naps.

?? I wouldn't define any kid as special needs. Weird/offensive way to word it

I would define the PP who asked that question as special needs though...

PP here. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I thought that was the proper term for a child with development disorder that can require extensive additional labor and supervision. Toddlers on up can often times entertain themselves if you don’t hover, and OP has no homework, demanding boss, or fixed schedule setting deadlines for her. Her DH sounds understanding, so it’s all self imposed anxiety, so probably therapy might be appropriate (I say this as someone with extensive support for a family member in therapy for anxiety)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM of 3.5 and 1.5 year-old boys. My husband works extremely long hours so during the week is often just the boys and I from wake up to bedtime. And the stress of this responsibility is really beginning to really wear on me. Going back to work isn’t an option right now. Please tell me what helped you overcome this horrible anxiety.

Are your kids special needs? You keep them alive, do some chores, and are accountable to no one. What is stress, is your DH a ‘dinner and martinis’ at door and wants hgtv house?

I would minimize stuff ( less to clean), makes meals simple, and take liberal walks and naps.

OP here no my kids are just extremely high energy and the littlest is the reason for every child safety device known to man. 3.5 year old is in school only twice a week for a half day but will go 4 half days next year. For now I’m just exhausted. DH is pretty understanding. I’m a terrible cook and my house is almost always a disaster so no stepford wife here. I really don’t know why I’m failing so much at this, especially when it’s a breeze for my friends. Thank you for the recs.

Moms who haven't had two kids like this have no idea what you're facing, OP. I've had one of each so I know -- it's like night and day in terms of the stress. You are almost to the point when it gets easier. This year my oldest is 5 and can play quietly alone, without ever coming to get me, for 1.5-2 hours. In the meantime, would you consider full time school for the older one? He's probably at an age where it would be better for him socially to have the peer interaction. Even picking him up at 3:30 instead of 11:30 would change your day a lot. You'd actually get a full break when the younger one sleeps.

Also, if you can, invest some time in finding things that they can play a bit by themselves. The blog How We Montessori has some ideas. For my truck-obsessed guy, when he was 2 I had a huge sensory bin filled with beans and all kinds of construction trucks. He could get 20 minutes of play there which was much better than running around the room tearing everything up and trying to kill himself. A toy kitchen with lots of play food was another 20-30 minute toy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if going back isn’t an option, could you get a very part time job or even volunteer and hire a sitter? I really needed the mental stimulation and break from the kids—it did more for me than anything else I tried.

I agree with this. Especially when you have intensely high energy kids like this - and I do - doing something mentally stimulating that pulls you out of mom mode is critical. Why can't you work?

She said it's not an option. Why can't you accept this and move on? People are so noisy here.

[Anonymous]

My sympathies, OP. I was where you are. If it makes you feel better, my super high energy toddler is now a competitive high school athlete. Boy was I depressed as a SAHM when he was a toddler, though. I also was terrible with housekeeping.

The only thing that worked for me was going back to work, unfortunately. I think it was better for him, too, because I put him in an outdoor-based preschool and he was finally worn out. We were all happier.

Moms who don't have kids of this activity level will not get it.