Being a teen class clown is getting very dangerous in school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like his behavior is targeting others to get a laugh at their expense. That isn't being a class clown. It is behavior that calls for discipline. I don't understand why you would say it is dngerous for your son.

Parents of kids with special needs know very well that schools can indeed be profoundly dangerous places for their kids just because they may have a very hard time understanding/following norms--written AND unwritten rules--even though they need to learn/develop the capacity to do so.

Sometimes people delivering punishment will say "He needs to learn . . ." Yes, exactly. And this may be a kid for whom some kinds of learning, including social learning, needs to be delivered in an individualized way.

I agree with all of this, but part of being able to teach things in an individualized way is understanding the behavior. OP has indicated that she doesn't realize how hurtful his behavior is to other people in the classroom, and that she doesn't think that the teacher's concerns are justified. There's no way she's going to be able to teach the lesson this kid needs if she's giving such mixed messages.

Yes, this behavior presents a danger to her son. It also presents a real threat to the emotional safety of other students in the classroom. A solution needs to be generated that takes both of those needs into account. But that solution isn't going to come if OP dismisses the school's concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like his behavior is targeting others to get a laugh at their expense. That isn't being a class clown. It is behavior that calls for discipline. I don't understand why you would say it is dngerous for your son.

Parents of kids with special needs know very well that schools can indeed be profoundly dangerous places for their kids just because they may have a very hard time understanding/following norms--written AND unwritten rules--even though they need to learn/develop the capacity to do so.

Sometimes people delivering punishment will say "He needs to learn . . ." Yes, exactly. And this may be a kid for whom some kinds of learning, including social learning, needs to be delivered in an individualized way.

I agree with all of this, but part of being able to teach things in an individualized way is understanding the behavior. OP has indicated that she doesn't realize how hurtful his behavior is to other people in the classroom, and that she doesn't think that the teacher's concerns are justified. There's no way she's going to be able to teach the lesson this kid needs if she's giving such mixed messages.

Yes, this behavior presents a danger to her son. It also presents a real threat to the emotional safety of other students in the classroom. A solution needs to be generated that takes both of those needs into account. But that solution isn't going to come if OP dismisses the school's concerns.

This! I'm the PP who questioned how seriously OP was considering her son's behavior when she describes it as "class clown". Part I bolded above is more eloquent and what I was trying to express.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to get the teacher on your side somehow. Now is a time when words are treated the same as actions. So if someone says something hurtful that’s a hate crime.
It’s very dangerous for your son. He’s what 13? And already facing “sexual harassment charges”. No he shouldn’t have said it but the problem will only get worse. Somehow you need to get a bright and firm line painted. Would really help if teacher understands that you are 100% in agreement that this is not OK.

[Anonymous]

Could this be a pragmatic language problem? Is he unaware of other ways to communicate with others? Does he understand how his comments make others feel?

[Anonymous]

You might look into sending him to military boarding school. He needs some tough love. He is NOT a class clown but boarding on being a pervert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might look into sending him to military boarding school. He needs some tough love. He is NOT a class clown but boarding on being a pervert.

I'm not OP but you obviously don't have a kid with issues like OP's kid has. You have no idea what a "military boarding school" would do to him or kids like him. Totally inappropriate place. Please think before you post about things of which you have no experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this. If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do. Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors. You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD? If not, it may be time to pursue that option. If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks. Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.

OP, above is the post you need to read. This is a high-risk time period for kids with certain special needs, and if handled poorly can result in cumulative disasters up to and including no high school diploma and juvenile justice involvement. But his disability issues also have to be considered--not meaning he gets to do whatever, but that the approach to such behavior is individualized. Social skills training that includes school/society's rules about serious issues.

OP I agree. We've been in your shoes. It is very challenging to raise such kids in today's environment of hyper-PC-ness. PP gives some good advice.

+1 Times have changed but biology hasnt. Theyre still kids but now theyre being treated like grown men. Maybe an all boys school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this. If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do. Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors. You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD? If not, it may be time to pursue that option. If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks. Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.

OP, above is the post you need to read. This is a high-risk time period for kids with certain special needs, and if handled poorly can result in cumulative disasters up to and including no high school diploma and juvenile justice involvement. But his disability issues also have to be considered--not meaning he gets to do whatever, but that the approach to such behavior is individualized. Social skills training that includes school/society's rules about serious issues.

OP I agree. We've been in your shoes. It is very challenging to raise such kids in today's environment of hyper-PC-ness. PP gives some good advice.

+1 Times have changed but biology hasnt. Theyre still kids but now theyre being treated like grown men. Maybe an all boys school?

Ah yes, the good old days, when girls and women just had to put up with harassment and misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this. If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do. Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors. You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD? If not, it may be time to pursue that option. If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks. Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.

OP, above is the post you need to read. This is a high-risk time period for kids with certain special needs, and if handled poorly can result in cumulative disasters up to and including no high school diploma and juvenile justice involvement. But his disability issues also have to be considered--not meaning he gets to do whatever, but that the approach to such behavior is individualized. Social skills training that includes school/society's rules about serious issues.

OP I agree. We've been in your shoes. It is very challenging to raise such kids in today's environment of hyper-PC-ness. PP gives some good advice.

+1 Times have changed but biology hasnt. Theyre still kids but now theyre being treated like grown men. Maybe an all boys school?

Ah yes, the good old days, when girls and women just had to put up with harassment and misogyny.

When kids made mistakes, learned, and grew up to be responsible members of society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this. If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do. Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors. You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD? If not, it may be time to pursue that option. If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks. Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.

OP, above is the post you need to read. This is a high-risk time period for kids with certain special needs, and if handled poorly can result in cumulative disasters up to and including no high school diploma and juvenile justice involvement. But his disability issues also have to be considered--not meaning he gets to do whatever, but that the approach to such behavior is individualized. Social skills training that includes school/society's rules about serious issues.

OP I agree. We've been in your shoes. It is very challenging to raise such kids in today's environment of hyper-PC-ness. PP gives some good advice.

+1 Times have changed but biology hasnt. Theyre still kids but now theyre being treated like grown men. Maybe an all boys school?

Ah yes, the good old days, when girls and women just had to put up with harassment and misogyny.

Oh please, teenage girls are not that innocent and make jokes at boys' expense too. Or think they can slap a boy who "cheated" or whatever. But those things are handled with less seriousness and boys are often told to deal with it because they are just teenage girls. Teenage boys with hormones raging will say stupid things sometimes and it should be handled...but a claim of sexual harrassment that could stay with him for life? Our boys are better off safe in an all boys school where their brains can safely mature and grow into respectful men without fear of life long damage from mostakes along the way.

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old has severe ADHD, on meds, and understands to keep his humor clean - his teachers always tell me how funny he is.

At home, unmedicated, sometimes he lets loose inappropriate jokes. But he understands what to say when because we spent YEARS explaining it to him.

I suggest spending time every single day talking to him about where to draw the line and role-playing with him, to make sure he understands where the line is.
Then maybe a tweak of meds is in order to help with his impulse control.

Hurry, because such remarks are really dispiriting for girls to hear!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this. If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do. Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors. You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD? If not, it may be time to pursue that option. If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks. Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.

OP, above is the post you need to read. This is a high-risk time period for kids with certain special needs, and if handled poorly can result in cumulative disasters up to and including no high school diploma and juvenile justice involvement. But his disability issues also have to be considered--not meaning he gets to do whatever, but that the approach to such behavior is individualized. Social skills training that includes school/society's rules about serious issues.

OP I agree. We've been in your shoes. It is very challenging to raise such kids in today's environment of hyper-PC-ness. PP gives some good advice.

+1 Times have changed but biology hasnt. Theyre still kids but now theyre being treated like grown men. Maybe an all boys school?

Ah yes, the good old days, when girls and women just had to put up with harassment and misogyny.

Oh please, teenage girls are not that innocent and make jokes at boys' expense too. Or think they can slap a boy who "cheated" or whatever. But those things are handled with less seriousness and boys are often told to deal with it because they are just teenage girls. Teenage boys with hormones raging will say stupid things sometimes and it should be handled...but a claim of sexual harrassment that could stay with him for life? Our boys are better off safe in an all boys school where their brains can safely mature and grow into respectful men without fear of life long damage from mostakes along the way.

I don’t know about your school, but we know of more than one girl who has been suspended for hitting boys.

[Anonymous]

Having ADHD and executive function difficulties does not make someone a bully unless there are problems at home.

[Anonymous]

I agree that your son is bullying people, OP. It is no joke and he is no clown, and you’re doing him a disservice referring to it in this way.

Here’s a question: why do YOU think he’s behaving so inappropriately? Not what the therapist says but what you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this. If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do. Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors. You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD? If not, it may be time to pursue that option. If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks. Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.

OP, above is the post you need to read. This is a high-risk time period for kids with certain special needs, and if handled poorly can result in cumulative disasters up to and including no high school diploma and juvenile justice involvement. But his disability issues also have to be considered--not meaning he gets to do whatever, but that the approach to such behavior is individualized. Social skills training that includes school/society's rules about serious issues.

OP I agree. We've been in your shoes. It is very challenging to raise such kids in today's environment of hyper-PC-ness. PP gives some good advice.

It’s never been remotely acceptable to bully a girl because she has her period. I agree that things are pretty crazy these days, but you can’t blame this situation on “today’s environment”.