Mom getting old, sister grabbing everything in sight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you tell your mom: "mom there are a couple things like grandma's necklace and that beautiful vase from your anniversary that I'd love to have one day to remember you but for now I'd like you to have them here and enjoy them".

I actually did do this. Mom is losing her filters so she told sis what I was interested in having. Next time I visited: gone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just sad that my sister is willing to destroy our relationship over this stuff. I can't overlook that she has no sense of fair play. Our dad would have been horrified by her behavior.

Yes, it sounds awful but you know that you are the better person and for that reason you are winning (if anyone is actually "winning" here) in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Why not just let your sister have the contents of the house and you get the house? What else is there? Accounts, cars, second home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you tell your mom: "mom there are a couple things like grandma's necklace and that beautiful vase from your anniversary that I'd love to have one day to remember you but for now I'd like you to have them here and enjoy them".

I actually did do this. Mom is losing her filters so she told sis what I was interested in having. Next time I visited: gone!

Have you called your sister out directly on this? What did she say?

[Anonymous]

OP here: the will is 50/50, share and share alike, including the house. I have confronted my sister. She always has an excuse. "Mom was going to give it to a cousin," "It was grandma's and we were closer, yada, yada yada" Even when I've accepted a gift from mom my sister finds out and gets so upset that mom asks me to return said item.
I've basically stopped speaking to sister, except as concerns our mom's care. She is also taking $ by convincing mom her house is going to be foreclosed or her kids will have to drop out of college, none of it true. There's really nothing I can do, but thanks for listening to my vent.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. I think you should probably tell your sister you are disgusted with her lying and greediness. It's not as if the relationship can get worse.

[Anonymous]

This all sounds so wrong. Smh

[Anonymous]

Ugh.

If there's something you want, you should take. Don't wait.

[Anonymous]

Also, your mother is as much to blame as your sister is here. Which is hard to see, it's easier to blame your sister.

But this can't be the first crack in your relationship with your sister. I'm sure she's been showing tendencies (self over others) for most of her adult life.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. That sucks.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I can totally relate if that makes you feel any better to know you aren’t alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just sad that my sister is willing to destroy our relationship over this stuff. I can't overlook that she has no sense of fair play. Our dad would have been horrified by her behavior.

It sounds to me like you are destroying the relationship. You seem to have a burning need to be recognized as better than your sister. Maybe you are. But then, she is the one doing what your mom wants and it’s your mind stuff, so....either let the stuff go or claim it. But don’t sit back and stew about how not grabbing stuff makes you a saint and your sister an asshole.

...meanwhile the OP is the primary caregiver.....

[Anonymous]

Get a household inventory now. Document everything. Photograph everything. Put a value on everything. When mom goes, she gets 50% minus what she took.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: the will is 50/50, share and share alike, including the house. I have confronted my sister. She always has an excuse. "Mom was going to give it to a cousin," "It was grandma's and we were closer, yada, yada yada" Even when I've accepted a gift from mom my sister finds out and gets so upset that mom asks me to return said item.
I've basically stopped speaking to sister, except as concerns our mom's care. She is also taking $ by convincing mom her house is going to be foreclosed or her kids will have to drop out of college, none of it true. There's really nothing I can do, but thanks for listening to my vent.

OP, either stand up for yourself or get over it.

My mother is you, 20 years from now. To this day she can go on a long tangent about what certain siblings did or did not take or do. To this day she still feels entitled to act like the victim because she was the “bigger” person.

Stop doing this to yourself. Years from now will this be nagging at you while your sister enjoys her heirlooms and conveniently forgets there was ever a conflict?

No, being a pushover does not make you a bigger or better person if you will resent this for the rest of your life. And please, remember that your children will especially not care about which of your precious tchotchkes Aunt Mabel stole!!

[Anonymous]

I would call a geriatric social worker and see if you have any recourse. If your mother is in her right mind and not objecting, I suspect not, but it's worth a shot.