Anyone give up their career for family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't given up my career, but it's clear to people I work with where I invest my best time and energy. I'm fortunate that I still make good money, but I've probably flat-lined.

I'm the father of 4 teens and they are doing very well and they know they are my priority - in fact, last week during dinner they told me they have a running-joke that I don't really have a job.

If these are the kinds of things that are mentioned when I'm on my dying bed or at my funeral - then I'm cool with that. How does the saying go, "This is not a rehearsal."

Signed,
Middle-age AA guy who never met his father

The question was giving up your career. Taking a reduction in hours or pay is not giving it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't given up my career, but it's clear to people I work with where I invest my best time and energy. I'm fortunate that I still make good money, but I've probably flat-lined.

I'm the father of 4 teens and they are doing very well and they know they are my priority - in fact, last week during dinner they told me they have a running-joke that I don't really have a job.

If these are the kinds of things that are mentioned when I'm on my dying bed or at my funeral - then I'm cool with that. How does the saying go, "This is not a rehearsal."

Signed,
Middle-age AA guy who never met his father

The question was giving up your career. Taking a reduction in hours or pay is not giving it up.

You're right, kind of-sort of. Actually, OP asks in the post "Did you give up or majorly adjust your career for family reasons?" Thus, I'm hoping my contribution was responsive to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH did. He left big law. He did a few different things for two years after DD was born, and then he and a friend started their own firm. They're both super involved dads and the main parents in each of their families.

What makes your husband the “main parent?” What a weird phrase.

n

She means default parent. It is used all the time on these forums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, what a privileged position it would be to be able to do that. But I have managed to co-exist as a career woman and a mother, and both career and offspring are doing fine.

You have never been in a situation where you needed to so you can call it a privilege. I had no choice. I had a SN child and a relative I had to be a full time caregiver to and the cost of paying two people to do that (plus all the therapies for both of them) would be unaffordable. Then, we had some other major issues for several years. There was no way I could work and do it all. For me, working was a privilege. I hope you never have the things we have/had where it is a necessity. Its easy to be a mother when your kids can go to regular day care or get a nanny and its no issue. Its a different story when your child has 1-2 therapies a day that are up to 40 minutes each way plus a specialize preschool 35 minutes away. Not to mention the senior care (tried an adult day care and that didn't work as it was terrible).

I was in the same situation but as a single parent and the sole source of health insurance, I had to keep working. Thankfully my neighbor took care of my DD and I traded childcare for cleaning her house, pet sitting and house sitting.

[Anonymous]

I had a great thriving career when we moved OCONUS for DHs work and I had no choice to work if I wanted to move with him. I struggled at first and then settled in but always felt some wistfulness. Now that I am back to the grind in DC, I miss my time, space and flexibility. I hate the stress of commuting, no time for homework, dinner and activities. My whole life feels like a race all the time.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to, but we need both paychecks...

[Anonymous]

I did, but I was 41 when I had my first child, so I had already worked for 20 years. I went part-time and have been ever since.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and while I miss the better vacations, and more stuff, not enough to go back to work. Our lives are much less hectic with me staying home. Even without the money, I know how lucky we are and have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

I took a far less stressful position. This was after being really really sick for years and then becoming a parent. I guess one can say I was burnt out. Many say I was destined to be a rockstar in my field. It still bothers me a bit but my health. Ones first and more time with my kid is a plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, what a privileged position it would be to be able to do that. But I have managed to co-exist as a career woman and a mother, and both career and offspring are doing fine.

You have never been in a situation where you needed to so you can call it a privilege. I had no choice. I had a SN child and a relative I had to be a full time caregiver to and the cost of paying two people to do that (plus all the therapies for both of them) would be unaffordable. Then, we had some other major issues for several years. There was no way I could work and do it all. For me, working was a privilege. I hope you never have the things we have/had where it is a necessity. Its easy to be a mother when your kids can go to regular day care or get a nanny and its no issue. Its a different story when your child has 1-2 therapies a day that are up to 40 minutes each way plus a specialize preschool 35 minutes away. Not to mention the senior care (tried an adult day care and that didn't work as it was terrible).

I was in the same situation but as a single parent and the sole source of health insurance, I had to keep working. Thankfully my neighbor took care of my DD and I traded childcare for cleaning her house, pet sitting and house sitting.

No neighbor would ever have taken care of my severely autistic DS. In fact even family wouldn’t babysit him until he was 11 years old.
It was a very intense, sleepless 11 years. And then after much work he started to calm some .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't given up my career, but it's clear to people I work with where I invest my best time and energy. I'm fortunate that I still make good money, but I've probably flat-lined.

I'm the father of 4 teens and they are doing very well and they know they are my priority - in fact, last week during dinner they told me they have a running-joke that I don't really have a job.

If these are the kinds of things that are mentioned when I'm on my dying bed or at my funeral - then I'm cool with that. How does the saying go, "This is not a rehearsal."

Signed,
Middle-age AA guy who never met his father

The question was giving up your career. Taking a reduction in hours or pay is not giving it up.

You're right, kind of-sort of. Actually, OP asks in the post "Did you give up or majorly adjust your career for family reasons?" Thus, I'm hoping my contribution was responsive to OP.

I found your post helpful, PP, especially as you're well out from the baby years.

And a big raspberry to the poster who is responding to others saying "you didn't give up enough.". The OP's prompt was "majorly adjust your career."

[Anonymous]

I did. I gave up my highly lucrative career for something I did not really like with lower pay . It was the choice between destroying my husband career, no one to take care of my son vs my career path.
Yes I do regret it especially my DH can sometime be so entitled and I still continue to have to give up a lot of my lower end career for his due to his immigrant status / visa etc( yes despite we are being married )
But I know that in the Ned’s of the day, I would choosen the same path over and over again for my son.

[Anonymous]

I quit my job and fired the nanny to care for my children when my children were 3 and 9 months. Managing a full time job as a part time worker and raising kids while my husband worked big law was too stressful for me. Quitting was a difficult decision but I do not regret it. I decided that there were many capable programmers out there but my kids had only one mom and I had waited a long time to have them. Both are now in college and have become wonderful, productive adults. I feel that my investment of time and energy in their well being contributed to a calmer, healthier family life. My husband has recently retired and we are figuring out the next chapter.

[Anonymous]

I mommy-tracked myself. I just wasn't that invested in having a "big" career--I wanted to have time to spend with my family and on myself, while getting enough sleep and not being stressed about work. Maybe I'd say I traded a career for a job. Sometimes I see colleagues advancing, and I'm a little wistful, but my husband is much more ambitious in terms of career, and I don't want to raise my kid in the way we'd have to if we were both like that.

My dad did the same thing, essentially. He turned down promotions that would have required too much travel, etc., because it really was important to him and to my mom that we have dinner as a family most nights. He has no regrets--his family is what makes him happy. He's an awesome guy who's living the life he wanted.

[Anonymous]

Like PP, I have a job not a career now. I'm very good at what I do, but I have repeatedly turned down offers of promotion as I don't want more hours and more responsibility. Wish I had the money that my contemporaries have who have moved up the corporate ladder in their fields, but I love all that I'm able to do for and with my kids as a result of stepping back.