Frustrated with Husband

[Anonymous]

I’m here to commiserate, OP.

After a multi-thousand dollar mess-up and a blowout fight, DH started on Adderol and finally admitted he has major executive functioning issues. He also had a SAHM and a dad who did everything for him.

Unfortunately I suspect his job gets the benefit of the Adderol, that is, when he even remembers to take it. It’s been a month and I see no changes. We’ve tried therapy. It did nothing. After the fight, I told DH that if he can’t become a functioning adult, he’ll need to move out and learn to live on his own. He wants to function, and he’s trying with the drugs, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t have another child with this man.
I also think it’s not ADHD; if your DH is successful at work, he can succeed at home.

OP here. We are one and done. I don’t know how to explain it ... it’s like since we’ve had a child, he is just oblivious to what’s going on around him. Our daughter will ask over and over for something, after I just got her something else, so I tell her to go ask her dad and he just blocks her out, until one of us (me or DD) yells at him to get his attention. We went on vacation a couple months ago, just the two of us, and the whole time, anytime we left anyplace, I was like “phone, keys, wallet”? And half the time, he needed that reminder... it’s exhausting. This is what I expect to do for a 3 year old, NOT for a 38 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m here to commiserate, OP.

After a multi-thousand dollar mess-up and a blowout fight, DH started on Adderol and finally admitted he has major executive functioning issues. He also had a SAHM and a dad who did everything for him.

Unfortunately I suspect his job gets the benefit of the Adderol, that is, when he even remembers to take it. It’s been a month and I see no changes. We’ve tried therapy. It did nothing. After the fight, I told DH that if he can’t become a functioning adult, he’ll need to move out and learn to live on his own. He wants to function, and he’s trying with the drugs, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Did he make it through college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. You do have two kids. Did his mommy spoil him rotten, and do everything for him?

OP here... in my opinion, yes. He had a SAHM and didn’t learn to do laundry till college. He barely knows how to cook. When we are at his parents house and he clears the table and does dishes, his mom practically throws a parade! I came from a home of two full time working parents. Where the cook doesn’t clean, I did my own laundry at 12, had daily chores, etc.

We’ve been together 15+ years and lived together 13 of those. It’s gotten so much worse since we had a child. It takes me breaking down, crying, every few months before he gets it ... for awhile and then it begins again.

Not that it matters, but income wise we are almost 50/50 so it should be the same at home!

I just LOST IT when he messed up my new car. We live so conservatively and I’ve waited forever to have a nice, new (to me) car.

Just to try to balance out this stereotype a little bit, I was a SAHM until my kids were both in school full time and I taught them to do their own laundry (including fold and put away) when they were tall enough to reach the controls, about 7 or 8. They not only cleared the table but sometimes cooked the meals. They cleaned their rooms and did chores around the house. It's not a SAHM vs WOHM thing, it's a values thing. My grown kids have told me they are grateful that their dad and I expected a lot of them and taught them how to survive in the world. Many of their friends and cousins are hopelessly helpless as adults.

OP here... awesome that you are that way as a SAHM. But that is not the experience with my husband and MIL. I am not trying to stereotype, just stating experiences. Please don’t make this about you or SAHM vs. WOHM because that is not my intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m here to commiserate, OP.

After a multi-thousand dollar mess-up and a blowout fight, DH started on Adderol and finally admitted he has major executive functioning issues. He also had a SAHM and a dad who did everything for him.

Unfortunately I suspect his job gets the benefit of the Adderol, that is, when he even remembers to take it. It’s been a month and I see no changes. We’ve tried therapy. It did nothing. After the fight, I told DH that if he can’t become a functioning adult, he’ll need to move out and learn to live on his own. He wants to function, and he’s trying with the drugs, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Did he make it through college?

OP here... yes, he has a bachelors and an MBA. High GPA for both (higher than mine TBH).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. You do have two kids. Did his mommy spoil him rotten, and do everything for him?

OP here... in my opinion, yes. He had a SAHM and didn’t learn to do laundry till college. He barely knows how to cook. When we are at his parents house and he clears the table and does dishes, his mom practically throws a parade! I came from a home of two full time working parents. Where the cook doesn’t clean, I did my own laundry at 12, had daily chores, etc.

We’ve been together 15+ years and lived together 13 of those. It’s gotten so much worse since we had a child. It takes me breaking down, crying, every few months before he gets it ... for awhile and then it begins again.

Not that it matters, but income wise we are almost 50/50 so it should be the same at home!

I just LOST IT when he messed up my new car. We live so conservatively and I’ve waited forever to have a nice, new (to me) car.

Just to try to balance out this stereotype a little bit, I was a SAHM until my kids were both in school full time and I taught them to do their own laundry (including fold and put away) when they were tall enough to reach the controls, about 7 or 8. They not only cleared the table but sometimes cooked the meals. They cleaned their rooms and did chores around the house. It's not a SAHM vs WOHM thing, it's a values thing. My grown kids have told me they are grateful that their dad and I expected a lot of them and taught them how to survive in the world. Many of their friends and cousins are hopelessly helpless as adults.

OP here... awesome that you are that way as a SAHM. But that is not the experience with my husband and MIL. I am not trying to stereotype, just stating experiences. Please don’t make this about you or SAHM vs. WOHM because that is not my intent.

Ok, OP, no problem, I agree it is not SAHM vs WOHM, that's why I said that after you mentioned those factors as being relevant. I feel for you with your husband situation, he sounds like a full time job for you.

[Anonymous]

So it's his fault you forgot your coffee? Your perfect and he sucks? It's a hatchback, so it's not a rolls Royce. Get over yourself. You're making him hate you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's his fault you forgot your coffee? Your perfect and he sucks? It's a hatchback, so it's not a rolls Royce. Get over yourself. You're making him hate you.

Ok, mr lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's his fault you forgot your coffee? Your perfect and he sucks? It's a hatchback, so it's not a rolls Royce. Get over yourself. You're making him hate you.

Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t suck to have a new car messed up, Rolls Royce or not

[Anonymous]

Would he be open to getting evaluated for possible Attention Deficit diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's his fault you forgot your coffee? Your perfect and he sucks? It's a hatchback, so it's not a rolls Royce. Get over yourself. You're making him hate you.

Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t suck to have a new car messed up, Rolls Royce or not

It's an F...ing car! If he scratches the shit out of the kid, then blow your top. The car can be fixed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's his fault you forgot your coffee? Your perfect and he sucks? It's a hatchback, so it's not a rolls Royce. Get over yourself. You're making him hate you.

Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t suck to have a new car messed up, Rolls Royce or not

It's an F...ing car! If he scratches the shit out of the kid, then blow your top. The car can be fixed.

Not OP, but that’s the thing. He could accidentally scratch the kid next. He goes on autopilot, his mind is in the clouds, and he’s not paying attention to his surroundings. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's his fault you forgot your coffee? Your perfect and he sucks? It's a hatchback, so it's not a rolls Royce. Get over yourself. You're making him hate you.

Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t suck to have a new car messed up, Rolls Royce or not

It's an F...ing car! If he scratches the shit out of the kid, then blow your top. The car can be fixed.

Not OP, but that’s the thing. He could accidentally scratch the kid next. He goes on autopilot, his mind is in the clouds, and he’s not paying attention to his surroundings. Not good.

OP again... even today, I was making dinner and DD came in and asked where DH was. I panicked because he was supposed to be playing with her. He’d left her outside by herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's his fault you forgot your coffee? Your perfect and he sucks? It's a hatchback, so it's not a rolls Royce. Get over yourself. You're making him hate you.

Looks like OP's DH has landed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's his fault you forgot your coffee? Your perfect and he sucks? It's a hatchback, so it's not a rolls Royce. Get over yourself. You're making him hate you.

Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t suck to have a new car messed up, Rolls Royce or not

It's an F...ing car! If he scratches the shit out of the kid, then blow your top. The car can be fixed.

Not OP, but that’s the thing. He could accidentally scratch the kid next. He goes on autopilot, his mind is in the clouds, and he’s not paying attention to his surroundings. Not good.

OP again... even today, I was making dinner and DD came in and asked where DH was. I panicked because he was supposed to be playing with her. He’d left her outside by herself.

He left a three old outside by herself? I call troll.