Do you know any men who have given up career goals it education to be with a woman?

[Anonymous]

Stedman, Oprah's wife. Then again, maybe he doesn't have any career aspirations.

I don't know any personally.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I put off going to law school so I could put my wife through law school. Then she used her law school learning to divorce me. Lesson: never put someone else first.

[Anonymous]

I know multiple men who followed their wives to a different country and gave up their jobs/careers and two who SAH when their wives leaned into big law. But yes, it's usually women, 1) because it's more socially acceptable, 2) it's easier for men to get high paying jobs, 3) it's so f'ing hard to raise babies and have a demanding career — kudos to those of you who got through the first 1-3 years. I couldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

In my academic circles, there are plenty of trailing spouses/SAHDs.

[Anonymous]

What a stupid question. Of course some of know men who have done it and some of us don't know any. I know a few who have either dialed back or halted their careers for their wife's career. It's not uncommon.

What's your point OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, you obviously don't have an advanced degree and/or career. Because, if you socialize in those circles, you see it a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't think of any in my life, but know multiple women who have done this. How about you?

Yes I do. In their move back to the U.S. he never returned to consulting.
He is a confident, sporty, organized man with two great kids and a working wife who travels a fair bit.

[Anonymous]

Every C-level woman in america.

[Anonymous]

My whole Bethesda neighborhood is part time dads and moms, or work at home dads and moms, or stay at home dads and moms.
Just go to the elementary school pick ups, or the three nearby coops for age 2-5, or the community swim practices.
Dads everywhere!

[Anonymous]

I know one who was a teacher. He was a SAHD when the kids were earlier than school age.

Almost forgot my bff's dh. She's a law firm partner. He's a computer programmer. He stepped back to part-time when the kids were born, so he was their primary caregiver. Her mom helped out too, but the dh did most of it. He would work at night and on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

I only know 2; one was fed up with his career and was ok being a trailing spouse. The other is an artist and was happy to give up his teaching job to take care of the kids, do art, and be supported by his higher earning wife. They are super nice people.

And, I remember them, because they are so unusual. Even now.

As I found from experience, most guys dump you when you can't give up everything to be with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't think of any in my life, but know multiple women who have done this. How about you?

men want women for their beauty so yeah guys don't mind if a woman gives up her career goals or education because the main thing that matters is how good she looks.
but women don't want men for their handsomeness the main thing that matters is his stature and success so if he gives up his career goals or education he can forget it - she's not interested anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know one who was a teacher. He was a SAHD when the kids were earlier than school age.

Almost forgot my bff's dh. She's a law firm partner. He's a computer programmer. He stepped back to part-time when the kids were born, so he was their primary caregiver. Her mom helped out too, but the dh did most of it. He would work at night and on the weekend. [/quote]

So he SAH with the kids and works nights? Wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say my DH "gave up" his career for ME, but he dialed way back at work once we had kids. He SAH for a few years and now works from home so that he can be the default parents, do pick ups and drop offs, etc.

Honey, did you write this?i didn’t know you are on DCUM.

I backed down from full time work because my wife pulled in $400k + and we wanted a parent at home.

In some ways it was great, other ways it has sucked. I get all the time with the kids, but I know I will never have the career accomplishments of my peers. So I tell myself that my smart, accomplished, polite, kind kids are my career accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one who was a teacher. He was a SAHD when the kids were earlier than school age.

Almost forgot my bff's dh. She's a law firm partner. He's a computer programmer. He stepped back to part-time when the kids were born, so he was their primary caregiver. Her mom helped out too, but the dh did most of it. He would work at night and on the weekend. [/quote]

So he SAH with the kids and works nights? Wow

Yep. He worked for a small consulting firm and did specialized programming. His boss was happy to take whatever hours he would give him. My friends mom helped a lot when the kids were infants, but she stepped back after the first year each time.

I have some other friends who married cops and fireman, and those guys were also pretty hands on, as their work schedules often left them free during the work week. I don’t think it had a career impact in those cases, but they did intentionally keep the kids home instead of using daycare.