How to handle unwanted gift from DH

[Anonymous]

I would talk to him again-schedule a time, go someplace outside your house, and sit at a table. "when I said, 'I don't think I would enjoy x, I'd much rather do y.' what did you think I meant?" "How do you think I feel about this gift?"

I would try to get him to think it through and see if from your perspective, but give him some space to get there on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to him again-schedule a time, go someplace outside your house, and sit at a table. "when I said, 'I don't think I would enjoy x, I'd much rather do y.' what did you think I meant?" "How do you think I feel about this gift?"

I would try to get him to think it through and see if from your perspective, but give him some space to get there on his own.

I think this is what I'd do. I'd be miffed and hurt by this gift. It really is all about him and not you.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I have a good relationship and communicate well. Like your marriage, I am more extroverted and she is more introverted. We have no problem saying to one another "I love you and really appreciate the gesture to give me such a wonderful gift, but I don't really want it. If this is something you want, I am happy you share this with you, but if this is for me, I think we should save the money for something else." But in general we don't spend more than about $200 without. discussing the expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to him again-schedule a time, go someplace outside your house, and sit at a table. "when I said, 'I don't think I would enjoy x, I'd much rather do y.' what did you think I meant?" "How do you think I feel about this gift?"

I would try to get him to think it through and see if from your perspective, but give him some space to get there on his own.

I think this is what I'd do. I'd be miffed and hurt by this gift. It really is all about him and not you.

Agree with both PPs. To say nothing and just along with it would make me resentful, and that’s not good for marriage. Better to clear the air.

[Anonymous]

My husband bought me a convertible as a surprise gift for mothers day. Not my favorite car but I grew to love it as it showed he cared for me. I suggest you do the same.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to him again like PPs suggested and get his take on why he thought this was "The" gift for you when you stated it was not.
i would then enlist friends/family that he has gotten to help to tell him that they just don't think this gift is a good idea for you.

I hate when others martyr themselves going overboard doing something that you expressed you did NOT want.

It is like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Its like just give me the damn knife or give me nothing. More spoons are not helping the situation. If my DH then got all of my friends and family to give me spoons instead of the knife i asked for i would use them to dig his grave. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband bought me a convertible as a surprise gift for mothers day. Not my favorite car but I grew to love it as it showed he cared for me. I suggest you do the same.

Did you explicitly tell him that you did not want a convertible? If so, how does buying that car anyway instead of another car show you that he loves you?

If you didn't explicitly tell him, then your situation is different than OP's and your advice does not apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband bought me a convertible as a surprise gift for mothers day. Not my favorite car but I grew to love it as it showed he cared for me. I suggest you do the same.

I would be livid if my spouse did this.

[Anonymous]

Go and enjoy it as best you can. Write a letter to him afterwards expalinging the highs and lows your felt before, during and after. Get all your feelings on the table then have a conversation from there. Sometimes men don't actually listen. But they can read.

[Anonymous]

its one thing for him to put thought into a gift he honestly thinks you will like. An a total different scenerio when he purposely goes out of his way to get you something you stated you do NOT want.

I hate that some are defending this.

My DH SUCKS at giving gifts but he honestly tries. He will hear me say I like X pattern and get me a purse with that pattern. Just because I liked it on a napkin doesn't mean i want to carry it around but he tries and does listen. Your DH doesn't listen. That is the issue. He is making this gift more about him than you, which frankly, isn't a gift at all.

[Anonymous]

Is it a big party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have a good relationship and communicate well. Like your marriage, I am more extroverted and she is more introverted. We have no problem saying to one another "I love you and really appreciate the gesture to give me such a wonderful gift, but I don't really want it. If this is something you want, I am happy you share this with you, but if this is for me, I think we should save the money for something else." But in general we don't spend more than about $200 without. discussing the expense.

This is a very good approach

[Anonymous]

a gift is not something one gets to chose. There are two sides to a gift. The giver picks the item they want to gift for their own reasons including, at times, giving something that receiver may not chose for themselves. The other side of the gift giving processes is the receiver graciously receiving the gift. OP, you are lacking on both sides of this equation.

1. You don't pick your own gift. I've given close family members things they might not have chosen for themselves and among the reasons I've done this, at times, is because I thought they might have a horizon expanding moment and learn the enjoy something new. Sure, your husband may have picked something he also enjoys but that does not mean his motivations are totally selfish. You, on the other hand, wanting him to "gift" only that which you, in advance, want is a selfish motivation. You are taking away joy from the gift giver. Their joy is the experience of considering what to give someone else.

2. gracious acceptance of things we may not want is a gift to the giver and also a chance for us to grow individually.

I'm very surporsed that other people on DCUMS do not know and live by these principles because so many people on DCUMS are stay-at-homes or other types why contribute to their families by gift giving and sending thankyou notes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband bought me a convertible as a surprise gift for mothers day. Not my favorite car but I grew to love it as it showed he cared for me. I suggest you do the same.

No it doesn't. It showed that he wanted a convertible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband bought me a convertible as a surprise gift for mothers day. Not my favorite car but I grew to love it as it showed he cared for me. I suggest you do the same.

I would be livid if my spouse did this.

In the grand scheme of life is it really something to get livid over?