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How to apologize even if you know you did the right thing
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Anonymous
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I don't think you did anything wrong! If you acted out of true concern for your friend's child and her/his well-being your friend is in the wrong to get mad and want to end a friendship. If your friend doesn't want you to tell her she is being stupid and neglectful when in fact she is being that, who needs enemies. I don't think you should apologize and I think that soon they will realize (when more people tell them the same thing) that they need a friend like you.
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Anonymous
| It's never wrong to apologize for hurting someone, even if what you said was correct. Just say, "I'm so sorry I hurt your husband's feelings; that was never my intention." Leave it at that. |
Anonymous
I like this. I would probably add a few more sentences saying, "Your friendship means the word to me. I miss you and your family, and I really hope we can find a way to stay close." Or something like that. |
Anonymous
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But OP didn't overstep her bounds. This was a good friend, OP has professional training in the area, and it sounds like all she did was suggest that the friend have her child evaluated. How would this friend and her husband feel later if the child gets diagnosed with something at age 6 that could have been treated much easier at age 2 (or whatever), and they found out that OP suspected all along but never said anything?
I would say something like, "I'm so sorry I upset you. That was not my intention at all. I really care about you and [son], and I miss you. I hope we can get together again soon." |
Anonymous
You could even spell "overstepped" correctly, for added effect. 
I like this. I would probably add a few more sentences saying, "Your friendship means the word to me. I miss you and your family, and I really hope we can find a way to stay close." Or something like that. I don't like this. Friends are not overstepping when they gently bring up issues of concerns like this. As the mother of 3 kids, 2 of them with special needs, I wish I had friends who could have alerted us. Regret that words have strained the friendship would be fine but, OP wouldn't be a true friend if she saw things that troubled her and didn't say anything. |
Anonymous
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Let's keep in mind we're only hearing one side of this.
Whether OP overstepped boundaries is not the point. Based on her friend's response her actions are perceived as overstepping. For that OP can decide to apologize or not. OP you know the friendship best. Either apologize or not, but do it honestly. And yes, it also means perhaps you feel an apology is due for her taking this too far for the friendship and blaming you inappropriately. |
Anonymous
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OP, did your friend ask you to weigh in on her child's development? I know you have special training in this area, and I know you were coming from a good place, but unless you did a REALLY good job of being sensitive about the way you went around having this discussion, it is not hard to imagine how your friend and/or her DH might have felt you were overstepping.
Here's something that bothers me about your post: you seem pretty eager to defend that you were RIGHT to do what you did, and you don't seem as sympathetic as you could be about your friend's or her DH's feelings and why they might be upset, regardless of who was "right." If you approached the conversation with a similar sanctimoniousness, I can sort of see how that might have bothered one or both of them. I think you should apologize for overstepping, and let go any residual instinct you have to assert that you were right in doing what you did. You can know that in your own heart, but you don't need to prove it to them. They have a lot to deal with, and so what matters is their feelings right now, not yours. |
Anonymous
| first rule of friendships - NEVER CRITICIZE A FRIEND'S PARENTING OR A FRIEND'S CHILD. no matter the intentions, it will end your friendship. I lost a great friend because (I guess) well intentioned criticism of how we feed and bathe our child. When I let them know I was hurt and offended, instead of apologizing they simply said they were right. |
Anonymous
I wouldn't agree that this is the first rule of friendship. I've had people say things about how I parent that I've actually considered. People with no kids, tho, should keep their mouths shut. |
Anonymous
Sure. But I hardly think it counts as criticism if you have experience with special needs kids, spot some troubling signs, and mention to a close friend that she might want to have it checked out. As I said in my PP, how would you feel if your child was diagnosed with something at age 6 that could have been dealt with much better if you'd known at age 2, and you found out your dear friend suspected it all along and never said anything? It's touchy to bring up, and who knows if OP was as tactful as she claims (though nothing in her post suggests otherwise, to me) -- but I think it's clearly the right thing to do. |
Anonymous
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Such a touchy issue. I've gotten by by never, I mean never, mention any type of defect, delay, etc. to anyone about their children. People's children are taboo---even if you mean nothing but good and have knowledge that could benefit you. It almost always ends up in a situation like you just described.....
for the record-- same goes for a spouse. It usu. will end up in alienation of your friend. If you want to salvage it---just apologize and move on--but it sounds like husband may not be able to forgive which could make it awkward for all. |
Anonymous
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Such a touchy issue. I've gotten by by never, I mean never, mention any type of defect, delay, etc. to anyone about their children. People's children are taboo---even if you mean nothing but good and have knowledge that could benefit you. It almost always ends up in a situation like you just described.....
for the record-- same goes for a spouse. It usu. will end up in alienation of your friend. If you want to salvage it---just apologize and move on--but it sounds like husband may not be able to forgive which could make it awkward for all. |
Anonymous
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So we had a similar issue in our family. My mother-in-law mentioned her concern to my sister-in-law about a potential speech delay in her son. I still don't think my sister-in-law has gotten over it and it happened over four years ago.
A couple things though: One - my mother-in-law definitely wasn't an expert in speech other than being a preschool teacher and daycare provider. Two - although my sister-in-law was offended, they did take my nephew to a specialist to be evaluated to ensure there wasn't a major delay (none was detected). That being said, I would definitely thank anyone with expert knowledge sharing their concern if my own child was developmentally delayed. I understand how important early intervention is. As hard as it was for the other mom and her husband to hear, I still think you did the right thing. I'm sure the parents are probably more aware of the potential issue and hopefully they will eventually get an evaluation for their child once they finally deal with the initial denial. |
Anonymous
The best kind of friend is the one who would do the right thing to protect you, even if it cost the friendship itself. |
Anonymous
hey, I can see this if we are talking something really serious, like abuse or similar. But if it is subjective, and the "experts" have different views on the subject, or it is something not material, then much better off not saying anything. And if you do say something and it is not well received, give an immediate heart-felt apology. |