Having a baby when marriage is not strong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before having kids, I probably snapped at my wife a few times a year. Since, a few times a week, often more. I apologize, and she understands, and I think we have a good relationship, but damn has it gotten harder.

You might be OK driving that car with a weak engine and bald tires a few miles to the store on a sunny afternoon, but make sure it's in great shape before weaving through rush hour Beltway traffic at 70 mph in an ice storm.

Well said, PP.
OP, you need to stop focusing on a second kid, and start pouring your mental energy into fixing your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Freeze your eggs then. I'm serious. If you have come here to ask, you know the answer.

[Anonymous]

What's the most important thing to a child? A big house? The best schools? A doting mom?

NOPE. None of those. What's most important to a child is a TWO-PARENT FAMILY that is STRONG, INTACT, and LOVING!

Do this, then have your second baby. Have your second baby without doing this, and you aren't really all that interested in being a good mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I do not want to have a baby to "fix" the marriage. I want to have another baby because I enjoy being a mom and want another child. If the marriage gets back on track, I don't want to regret not having another child, because I chose to wait until we figured things out, and became too old for another.

Do you see yourself being a single mom? That's your answer.

I did, but I also owned my own home and had a college degree. I actually felt more secure because I had my own family. It's your mindset, and the situation you're in. I also got re-married down the road. If you're a woman that wants kids better have them while you can if you can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before having kids, I probably snapped at my wife a few times a year. Since, a few times a week, often more. I apologize, and she understands, and I think we have a good relationship, but damn has it gotten harder.

You might be OK driving that car with a weak engine and bald tires a few miles to the store on a sunny afternoon, but make sure it's in great shape before weaving through rush hour Beltway traffic at 70 mph in an ice storm.

This is great.

[Anonymous]

Please be a troll

[Anonymous]

So be a good mom to the kid you have. Make sure their family life is stable and not uprooted by putting more stress on the marriage.

[Anonymous]

My best friend was the "Marriage-saving baby" except she failed. Already a failure at 7 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I do not want to have a baby to "fix" the marriage. I want to have another baby because I enjoy being a mom and want another child. If the marriage gets back on track, I don't want to regret not having another child, because I chose to wait until we figured things out, and became too old for another.

OP. I say this kindly. Having a baby is not at all about you and what you do and don't want. You say you don't want to regret not having another child. But, can you imagine regretting having another child that you love dearly because you see the pain that has been created by the divorce and the failure of parenting on the father's part? Because that's where I am, and I now recognize how utterly selfish I was to have a 2nd baby with that man when I knew that there were problems in the marriage. Yes, he said he wanted baby #2, but it is easy to say what you know someone else wants to hear. There is nothing I can do to stop, erase or mitigate DC2's pain, and every time I see it, I know that it is my fault.

Can you imagine that? Would you regret that?

[Anonymous]

Take it from experience. Do NOT have another child if the marriage first needs to be worked on. After my wife and I had our third kid when our relationship was not great, the marriage went down hill. Again, focus on your marriage as the number one priority. If the marriage is not strong, a whole lots of problems can arise.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who did this because she hated the idea of only having one child. She wound up wity twins (plus the older child) then got divorced a couple of years later. It seems like it’s much harder than it would’ve been if they had stopped but the kids are older now and I’m sure she doesn’t exactly regret having them.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, a thousand times no....

When my youngest was about 6-7yrs old, DH started talking about wanting another kid, trying for the boy he doesn't have. This was shortly after the first time he told me he wanted a divorce. He actually said to me that he thought a new baby would make us stronger (because he's bat-sh!t crazy) and really pushed it. I refused and made up all kinds of excuses why, but the real reason was that I couldn't imagine resetting the clock with him. Now my youngest is 18 and we've been separated for 6 months. I hung on for financial reasons mostly, but it is time to get out.

[Anonymous]

The only reason you want a baby is to trap a man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, a thousand times no....

When my youngest was about 6-7yrs old, DH started talking about wanting another kid, trying for the boy he doesn't have. This was shortly after the first time he told me he wanted a divorce. He actually said to me that he thought a new baby would make us stronger (because he's bat-sh!t crazy) and really pushed it. I refused and made up all kinds of excuses why, but the real reason was that I couldn't imagine resetting the clock with him. Now my youngest is 18 and we've been separated for 6 months. I hung on for financial reasons mostly, but it is time to get out.

I like the way you hung on for financial reasons. There nothing like spending someone’s else’s money.

[Anonymous]

How old is your first? How old are you? It all depends on how bad your relationship is and how willing you both are to fix it. Even if you got pregnant today, you won’t have the stress of a newborn for 9 months. Why don’t you wait 6 months while you both try to fix the relationship...