Having a baby when marriage is not strong

[Anonymous]

You already have a child. How can you be asking this question?

[Anonymous]

Do not have another baby. Work on your marriage. A baby will only make things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, a thousand times no....

When my youngest was about 6-7yrs old, DH started talking about wanting another kid, trying for the boy he doesn't have. This was shortly after the first time he told me he wanted a divorce. He actually said to me that he thought a new baby would make us stronger (because he's bat-sh!t crazy) and really pushed it. I refused and made up all kinds of excuses why, but the real reason was that I couldn't imagine resetting the clock with him. Now my youngest is 18 and we've been separated for 6 months. I hung on for financial reasons mostly, but it is time to get out.

I like the way you hung on for financial reasons. There nothing like spending someone’s else’s money.

Nope, I make more than him and he made very poor financial decisions that dragged us down. He had a grand time spending my money and using me as leverage for lots of credit. I hung on to continue to carry us and avoid us separately having to declare bankruptcy, and putting our kids through all of that.

Thanks for your concern!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, a thousand times no....

When my youngest was about 6-7yrs old, DH started talking about wanting another kid, trying for the boy he doesn't have. This was shortly after the first time he told me he wanted a divorce. He actually said to me that he thought a new baby would make us stronger (because he's bat-sh!t crazy) and really pushed it. I refused and made up all kinds of excuses why, but the real reason was that I couldn't imagine resetting the clock with him. Now my youngest is 18 and we've been separated for 6 months. I hung on for financial reasons mostly, but it is time to get out.

I like the way you hung on for financial reasons. There nothing like spending someone’s else’s money.

Nope, I make more than him and he made very poor financial decisions that dragged us down. He had a grand time spending my money and using me as leverage for lots of credit. I hung on to continue to carry us and avoid us separately having to declare bankruptcy, and putting our kids through all of that.

Thanks for your concern!

Totally understand. I stayed in the marriage longer than I needed to because my STBXW spent our huge savings, credit cards and equity on the house for some remodel. I intervened to stop the bleeding but it was too late. And add insult to injury, my STBXW blames me for our financial situation. And worst of all I just discovered she is having an extra marital affair after giving birth to our third kid four years ago.

[Anonymous]

But when if your marriage doesn’t work out??

You will be a Single Mother plus it will be a little tougher to find someone else to marry you.
Not impossible - just harder.

Beside look at the Chris Watts case.
An extreme example, I do admit but one that shows how having another child on the way can only exasperate an unhealthy union. ;(

[Anonymous]

Good Lord, like most divorce moms are dying to find someone "to marry" them....

[Anonymous]

Alternative view. I could have been in OPs shoes 5 years ago. I had DD #2 because I wanted her to have a sibling in case DH and I divorced, I didn't want her to be an only child going through it all alone. Well, DH and I are still together and our girls are 4 and 6. It took a lot of work but we are a happy family of 4.

[Anonymous]

Bad idea. My husband left when DD was six months old.

[Anonymous]

Bad idea.

But curious: how old are you? And do you only have one other child and want a second? Or, do you have 2 or more kids already and just want another?

[Anonymous]

My husband pressured me to have a baby in a marriage that was bad to begin with. One time unprotected sex led to instant pregnancy. It led to a worse marriage...sexless for 3 years and one-time horniness led to instead second pregnancy. Marriage got worse. More years of sexlessness and barely on speaking terms. I want a divorce and hope to start the process soon.

[Anonymous]

As a child born into that dynamic, please do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I do not want to have a baby to "fix" the marriage. I want to have another baby because I enjoy being a mom and want another child. If the marriage gets back on track, I don't want to regret not having another child, because I chose to wait until we figured things out, and became too old for another.

Do you see yourself being a single mom? That's your answer.

If you can handle being a single mom to two or three (if you have twins) kids and you are fine with the youngest having only been full-time with dad as a baby/toddler. That’s the likely scenario because adding children will make it harder on the rocky marriage. Will you enjoy being a single mom with the kids arguing back and forth or as you juggle getting home from work and getting them to their different activities on your custody day? There is a change in the dynamic between having one child to having two when they compete for your attention and with each other. You won’t have a second pair of hands on deck - it’s man to man versus zone defense.

[Anonymous]

I had a third child in a rocky marriage. I figured the baby wasn’t going to make things worse or better (because the pros and cons even themselves out as far as I’m concerned) but I was 38 and new it was my last chance and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t. I knew that I could end up a single mom of three but I figured it wouldn’t be that different than being a single mom of two.
We are still married and the baby is now five.
It’s still rocky but not better or worse.
And if we do get divorced, I’ll still be so glad that I had the baby.
The children are the things that make me happiest by far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bad idea. My husband left when DD was six months old.

Mine left when our “Hail Mary” daughter was 9 months old. I don’t regret it though. He would’ve left anyways and this girl is fabulous

[Anonymous]

Anna Duggar had baby number 5