Having a baby when marriage is not strong
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Anonymous
| Anyone have a baby when their marriage wasn't in great shape? How'd it work out for you? DH and I have been having communication problems and just generally overwhelmed by stress. This has taken a serious tole on the marriage. I'm committed to working things out, and hope we'll stay together forever. Even though we are in rough patch DH and I getting older, and I want another baby. Is it ridiculous to have another baby when things are rocky? I dont want to miss our window. |
Anonymous
|
OMFG NO
NO NO A baby takes a toll on the best marriage. |
Anonymous
| BAD IDEA |
Anonymous
| Uh what? You cannot be this dense. You know the cliche about having a baby to fix a marriage. When has a baby EVER FIXED a marriage? |
Anonymous
|
It sounds like you've already had one kid. Don't you remember how hard it was with a newborn and a baby? You should NEVER expect a baby to do anything other than stress your marriage. If it's shaky to begin with, this will likely be the death blow.
So, NO! |
Anonymous
| I was young and stupid and had no guidance, so DID have two babies. The abuse escalated and we broke up. The kids see their father once during the week and on the weekends. |
Anonymous
|
Do. Not. Do. This.
I have a friend who was in the exact same situation, had that second baby, and her marriage fell apart again. Four years later, it's still lousy and her kids suffer for it. You can grieve for the family size you won't have, but in the name of all that is holy, don't bring another child into a crappy marriage. It's completely unfair to both the new kid and to your older one(s). |
Anonymous
| NO!!! NEVER A GOOD IDEA. If you are stressed out now, you have no idea how much more stressed out you're going to be with a baby. Like a million times more. |
Anonymous
|
Don't do it. It will go 1 or 2 ways:
1.) The added stress weakens the relationship even more and you break or 2.) The sweetness of the new baby makes you forget your real problems...for a while. Then 3 years later you are headed for divorce. How about you focus on your marriage and get to the root of the issue first. Get to a healthy place in your relationship before you bring a new life into the mix. |
Anonymous
|
Before having kids, I probably snapped at my wife a few times a year. Since, a few times a week, often more. I apologize, and she understands, and I think we have a good relationship, but damn has it gotten harder.
You might be OK driving that car with a weak engine and bald tires a few miles to the store on a sunny afternoon, but make sure it's in great shape before weaving through rush hour Beltway traffic at 70 mph in an ice storm. |
Anonymous
| This has not worked out for anyone I know. And I know a good number of couples who tried this. All of them are divorced now. In all cases the youngest baby doesn’t even remember parents being together. |
Anonymous
| OP here. To clarify I do not want to have a baby to "fix" the marriage. I want to have another baby because I enjoy being a mom and want another child. If the marriage gets back on track, I don't want to regret not having another child, because I chose to wait until we figured things out, and became too old for another. |
Anonymous
Do you see yourself being a single mom? That's your answer. |
Anonymous
Or in a long-term, sh*tty marriage, one that affects the well-being of your children and of you. Those are the most likely scenarios. |
Anonymous
| NOPE. |