he wants divorce - happy new year to me

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you, it really helps to have these perspectives, especially since I don't have any friends who have been through this.
As to the reason why - we had always been prone to arguments, but over the past year it got a lot worse and neither of us were happy - he also had anger issues which was my main problem with him. I thought our issues could be worked out in counseling, but he said today he does not want to put forth effort and does not love me.
I am very glad we did not have a baby, I know that would have dragged things on/made it worse, but it still hurts a lot to feel like I wasted the prime years of my life with him, and it is scary to be alone after so many years together.

[Anonymous]

Prone to arguments with a guy who has anger issues? You seriously dodged a lifetime of bullets.

[Anonymous]

If you want to get married again someday, you probably can. As for having kids, there are no guarantees with that regardless of when you marry. It can be tough to accept that possibility, but not having kids won't be the end of the world if that's what happens.

That said, you're 32. Realistically you can probably have a baby up until 40 and that is a decent amount of time. Mourn the loss of the marriage for now and take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Oh honey I am so sorry. My husband walked out when I was 31 and we were also just contemplating starting a family. It may not feel like it now, but this is a blessing in disguise. I met my now husband two months later, got married six months after that. Four kids and 15 years in with second husband and I thank God every day husband number 1 left.
I PROMISE you will find love and be happy. Go ahead and just put yourself out there. Online dating sites were really helpful in building my self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prone to arguments with a guy who has anger issues? You seriously dodged a lifetime of bullets.

Yea- seriously, OP, this is a blessing. A lifetime of negotiating this guys’ anger issues with an innocent child involved would have been horrible.
Please choose a great father and a nice, dependable man to be the father of your future kids.

This is a huge blessing!!

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, that’s a rough blow but in a way the timing is good—at the start of the year and you have a clean slate! There are available men in their 30s and your best years—with someone who is better for you—are ahead of you!

[Anonymous]

What made you think bringing children into a family where there are arguments and a father has anger issues was a good idea?

Please get into therapy to figure out why you were planning on doing this to poor innocent children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, that’s a rough blow but in a way the timing is good—at the start of the year and you have a clean slate! There are available men in their 30s and your best years—with someone who is better for you—are ahead of you!

It’s trite but true.

My first DH left when I was 33.

I had a terrible period of intense grief and then picked myself up and got moving.

Finished my PhD at 34, bought a house at 36, married again at 37, had a baby at 38.

100% happier than I was married to the first guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What made you think bringing children into a family where there are arguments and a father has anger issues was a good idea?

Please get into therapy to figure out why you were planning on doing this to poor innocent children!

Oh shut it.

[Anonymous]

Freeze your eggs now just to be sure.

[Anonymous]

OP:

-- there is no guarantee that you will ever find love again, even if you were 23. Not to say you won't, but the stories of "my DH left me at 33, a hedge fund manager who looks like George Clooney found me at 35, and I had twins at 37" are the better side of this situation.

-- people divorce and then jump into something new without taking time out to determine where the marriage went wrong. I doubt that 90% of the marriage issues were his. What was your contribution? Were there red flags? What would you have done differently? Be honest with yourself.

-- therapy might be helpful but more important, don't go into a shell. No matter how painful it is, join a Meetup, go to a concert, volunteer somewhere (one of my friends was reeling from her husband leaving and worked at dog rescue, which did her a world of good).

-- it's OK to mourn what is over. Even if you remarry, the hurt from the first marriage will dissipate but never completely go away. And that's fine.

[Anonymous]

I am truly sorry for your situation OP.
I am sure you feel hopeless about this entire situation.

But please try to think a little more rationally (not easy when your heart is broken.)

At 32, you still have many many opportunities to meet someone great.
A lot can happen in the next few years.

Keep the faith & focus on yourself for now.
It’s a spankin’ brand-new year.
New fresh start.
On a fresh, clean slate.
Make this year about YOU!!
And remember to care for yourself like the queen you are!

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it freeze your eggs while you figure out your next steps.

[Anonymous]

The prime of your life isn’t over; you’re still young and have a world of possibilities ahead. It doesn’t sound like your marrisgecwas sustainable, and now you have a clean slate.

[Anonymous]

You dodged a bullet be grateful