he wants divorce - happy new year to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you, it really helps to have these perspectives, especially since I don't have any friends who have been through this.
As to the reason why - we had always been prone to arguments, but over the past year it got a lot worse and neither of us were happy - he also had anger issues which was my main problem with him. I thought our issues could be worked out in counseling, but he said today he does not want to put forth effort and does not love me.
I am very glad we did not have a baby, I know that would have dragged things on/made it worse, but it still hurts a lot to feel like I wasted the prime years of my life with him, and it is scary to be alone after so many years together.

OP it will be okay. I had my DS at 36, my cousin had her DS at 39. You will be married with a family and not to some guy with anger issues-- a major drawback if you have kids btw. Shed yourself of him quickly, start some fun internet dating. You will meet the right person. Since he wants a divorce- fast track it. Don't waste one more minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to get married again someday, you probably can. As for having kids, there are no guarantees with that regardless of when you marry. It can be tough to accept that possibility, but not having kids won't be the end of the world if that's what happens.

That said, you're 32. Realistically you can probably have a baby up until 40 and that is a decent amount of time. Mourn the loss of the marriage for now and take care of yourself.

Go back to your cave with your misinformation.

[Anonymous]

This is a great start to the year. Really! Get it over with and move forward!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32, divorced with no children is not a bad place to be. Take it from someone on the other side of 50.

+1. She should count her blessings.

+1. You do not know how lucky you are to be this young getting out of a marriage that is not going to work without kids. Dodged a bullet. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Op, take this year to heal and deal... divorce, therapy, do think for yourself. You know when you'll be ready...

Fwiw, I ended a ltr on Nye when I was 35. Met DH at 37, had kids at 39, 41..I though my chances had ended at 35. But they didn't. Taking s tear to figure out why I had made poor dating choices and dealing with the breakup and focusing on becoming more aware was helpful.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry for your pain, but you have truly dodged a bullet. You are young enough to move forward, find a better life partner, and have a happy family.

Be glad that soon-to-be XDH chose to show his true colors now instead of when you had started a family.

Embrace 2019 OP. You are worthy of happiness, so start moving forward to find it!

[Anonymous]

I'm here for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you, it really helps to have these perspectives, especially since I don't have any friends who have been through this.
As to the reason why - we had always been prone to arguments, but over the past year it got a lot worse and neither of us were happy - he also had anger issues which was my main problem with him. I thought our issues could be worked out in counseling, but he said today he does not want to put forth effort and does not love me.
I am very glad we did not have a baby, I know that would have dragged things on/made it worse, but it still hurts a lot to feel like I wasted the prime years of my life with him, and it is scary to be alone after so many years together.

PP on the other side of 50 here. Honestly, if I were you, I’d be doing a happy dance naked in the living room. You have no idea what you’ve just avoided. Life is long, OP.

[Anonymous]

Id love to be present during her naked happy dance.

-single guy

[Anonymous]

Honestly it doesn't matter if you are divorced with kids, or not. If you have children it's more support because you have your family and are not alone. Mostly you date guys with kids, but I dated both when I was single. Ended up re-married 3.5 years later. If you have your act together OP you'll reach your goals.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all the supportive messages, it's helping me not be as devastated. I think speaking with a therapist will help a lot - if anyone has advice for a therapist in upper NW please share their name. Thanks so much

[Anonymous]

Good riddance, OP. You're still young, and there are plenty of other opportunities out there. My best friend divorced after 12 years of marriage, she is also 32, and it has been the best decision she has ever made. She is dating someone new, and is happier than ever. You will get through this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for all the supportive messages, it's helping me not be as devastated. I think speaking with a therapist will help a lot - if anyone has advice for a therapist in upper NW please share their name. Thanks so much

Erika Bugaj - she got me through a difficult divorce.