Help. 20 year old son.
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Anonymous
| If you’re so concerned, why don’t you ask him questions, and listen? Ask questions not in the spirit of changing his mind, but in the spirit of learning more about him and what is motivating him. That might help you be supportive. But you really have to get the right tone for asking questions. |
Anonymous
| Pregnancy? |
Anonymous
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Ah young love. Engaged really isn't the end of the world. Perhaps this will keep them studying hard and graduating on time. Do you have any idea/thoughts what the bride's parents will say?
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Anonymous
| His choice to propose may be a huge mistake, but it’s his mistake to make. His girlfriend will find out your reaction, and you do not want to stick yourself with a resentful daughter in law (assuming the engagement/marriage sticks). Just reassure him you love him and support whatever decisions he makes that make him happy. |
Anonymous
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The fact that you are away for work is a clue. You prioritize work over family and he wants the security of marriage quicklyso he will have the family life he missed. This is a reason for trend to earlier marriage.
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Anonymous
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I also agree with listening to his plans. Hopefully, they don't secure a wedding date until both are gainfully employed.
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Anonymous
What trend is that? People are getting married, on average, later. |
Anonymous
| Man, that boy is totally f-ed. What’s the rush? |
Anonymous
| MYOB. My brother married his high school sweetheart after college. They just celebrated 35 years of marriage. |
Anonymous
| DH and I got engaged in college and married after graduation. That was 18 years ago. We now have kids and a happy, solid marriage. We didn't have our first kid for close to 10 years after marriage, and had plenty of time to travel the world, make plenty of money, buy a house, etc before we settled down for family life. I am not going to say it was always easy or that this scenario would play out well for everyone, but it definitely can work. If the girl is nice and they're both serious about finishing school first, I really wouldn't stress over this. |
Anonymous
| She’s a good person? You have won the lottery. Please support them both. |
Anonymous
You should support him OP, especially if they plan to be engaged for a while. What's the big deal? They've been dating for a while. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
Thanks for all the input. I appreciate it. It was a shock. No, she’s not pregnant. I don’t disagree with him proposing. It just feels rushed. And why? My husband and I are going to chat with him and ask him to just wait until September when he turns 21. And, we’re going to ask them to promise to finish college and have jobs with health insurance before they actually get married. We will be sure to approach it with support. Just a huge shock. |
Anonymous
| How old were you OP when you got engaged? |
Anonymous
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My high school & college boyfriend and I totally absorbed by the received “wisdom” that we were way too young and that young live never works out and that we would be hurting each other by getting engaged in college. He actually broke it off to give us each one full year apart so that we could get back together and have it be “healthier” that we had spent a year apart. We never recovered from it. I’ve never loved anyone like that before or since, and my trust and faith in the world has never recovered, either. It’s 25 years later and I am finally married and have a child but the love is only a tiny glimmer of that early, true, all-in, 100% devoted and trusting first love. I am sorry that I didn’t do the “foolish” thing and let us be happy and get married then.
If my son comes to me with joy and live at 20 and feels ready to be engaged, and it’s someone who I like as you like your son’s gf, I would be so happy for him and will support and root for the relationship. I’ve ne |