The importance of liking your teammates (girls vs. boys)

[Anonymous]

Well, I can only speak based on a sample size of 1 (my son). He likes most of the boys he plays with just fine, but is really only close friends with one. There is one kid he thinks is a jerk. None of this has made him want to stop playing as he progressed to high school. But, DS has a very mellow personality and can get along with a lot of different kinds of people, even if they aren't good friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I can only speak based on a sample size of 1 (my son). He likes most of the boys he plays with just fine, but is really only close friends with one. There is one kid he thinks is a jerk. None of this has made him want to stop playing as he progressed to high school. But, DS has a very mellow personality and can get along with a lot of different kinds of people, even if they aren't good friends.

This is like my son. There are a few kids on the team that he can't stand. He says they are full of themselves and incredibly lazy in practices. My kid can't stand players that goof off or are disruptive when they are there to work. He loves being part of a team and when they are bonded it goes so much better.

Watch 'Miracle' and the way Herb Brooks brought that 1980 Gold medal team together. In team sports, there is definitely a need for that chemistry. I feel like the Washington Caps exude it. When the star of the team is selfless and humble like a Messi vs a Ronaldo, things go much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way rosters change for both boys and girls from year to year, I can't see how it would affect a player any longer than the current year. How I wish my child's roster had any consistency but each year, it's like he's on a new team.

And, FTR, I have seen horrible behavior by boys on travel soccer teams from arrogant asshole boys towards players who are smaller and/or weaker.

I look at the "Toxic Teammate(s)" as being a separate - but probably more important factor. Ideally, your kid has friends on the team. If not, then at least they hopefully can co-exist with all of their teammates...But some teams have that kid - or two - who scream at teammates, isolate them, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think the difference with boys is that most issues I've seen are strictly soccer related. They may be jerks to a player which isn't a good thing, but they are commenting only on their soccer ability. Girls tend to make others feel small about their entire self.

[Anonymous]

We recently experienced this with our 13 year old son. He enjoyed soccer, but it took him longer to really develop into a strong player. He was with the same set of boys of several different teams, there was one kid in particular that always made sure to point out that my son was the weakest link on the team. The coaches didn't do anything about obvious physicality on the pitch between the two kids and it got to be a nasty power struggle. My son also played on a school team it he was a different player and kid - happier, took more risks and tried so much harder. When I say this I realized it was time for my kid to try out for new teams and start fresh. What a huge difference in his confidence level and his ability. He practices, trains and plays hard he has turned into a strong starter on his current team. He isn't close friends with any of the kids and there isn't the same social connection with the kids - asking to get together after games. But he is much happier. Back to the main point I think respecting other team players is important, I don't think you have to like them or even be friends with them to enjoy the sport, but if you have a toxic kid or kids on a team it will impact how everyone feels about their soccer experience.

[Anonymous]

Are the girls’ attitude worse on a Travel A/B Team compared to C/D Team due to higher competition to make the team? Or are they better because they are more serious players and want their team to win?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the girls’ attitude worse on a Travel A/B Team compared to C/D Team due to higher competition to make the team? Or are they better because they are more serious players and want their team to win?

It depends on who you ask. If you ask a high level A team DA/ECNL player about the attitude of C/D team players they would say the girls lack focus, motivation and commitment.

If you asked the C/D team players about the A team DA/ECNL girls they would likely say that those girls are hyper competitive and too focused on their personal development and more "cutthroat" regarding practicing and competing for playing time.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has been on three teams in 5 years - rec, developmental, travel. It doesn't really matter to her if she "likes" someone or not. If they are a good player, she'll work with them. The only people she doesn't like on her rec team are those who goof off in practice and then don't know what to do in games so they don't hold position and haven't picked up skills. She's a midfielder, generally, so she wants to be able to pass to a forward player and have them know what to do with it. If she's in goal, she wants to know that her defenders are going to be there for her and not futzing around somewhere.

When she's done coed pickup games, we've found that the boys generally won't pass to the girls. This started early too. The girls can be awesome players and the boys will pass to each other. It's infuriating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently experienced this with our 13 year old son. He enjoyed soccer, but it took him longer to really develop into a strong player. He was with the same set of boys of several different teams, there was one kid in particular that always made sure to point out that my son was the weakest link on the team. The coaches didn't do anything about obvious physicality on the pitch between the two kids and it got to be a nasty power struggle. My son also played on a school team it he was a different player and kid - happier, took more risks and tried so much harder. When I say this I realized it was time for my kid to try out for new teams and start fresh. What a huge difference in his confidence level and his ability. He practices, trains and plays hard he has turned into a strong starter on his current team. He isn't close friends with any of the kids and there isn't the same social connection with the kids - asking to get together after games. But he is much happier. Back to the main point I think respecting other team players is important, I don't think you have to like them or even be friends with them to enjoy the sport, but if you have a toxic kid or kids on a team it will impact how everyone feels about their soccer experience.

That's good insight. In my experience, most coaches don't want to deal with inter-player problems. If they see a player not passing to another player, they don't address it, even though that is their job. It's unfortunate, because the coach will brush off the player if the player brings it up, the coach will push back against parents if they bring it up, and he won't deal with it himself. The only real solution is to find another team to play on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently experienced this with our 13 year old son. He enjoyed soccer, but it took him longer to really develop into a strong player. He was with the same set of boys of several different teams, there was one kid in particular that always made sure to point out that my son was the weakest link on the team. The coaches didn't do anything about obvious physicality on the pitch between the two kids and it got to be a nasty power struggle. My son also played on a school team it he was a different player and kid - happier, took more risks and tried so much harder. When I say this I realized it was time for my kid to try out for new teams and start fresh. What a huge difference in his confidence level and his ability. He practices, trains and plays hard he has turned into a strong starter on his current team. He isn't close friends with any of the kids and there isn't the same social connection with the kids - asking to get together after games. But he is much happier. Back to the main point I think respecting other team players is important, I don't think you have to like them or even be friends with them to enjoy the sport, but if you have a toxic kid or kids on a team it will impact how everyone feels about their soccer experience.

That's good insight. In my experience, most coaches don't want to deal with inter-player problems. If they see a player not passing to another player, they don't address it, even though that is their job. It's unfortunate, because the coach will brush off the player if the player brings it up, the coach will push back against parents if they bring it up, and he won't deal with it himself. The only real solution is to find another team to play on.

This was the issue the coach was allowing this behavior to continue and it tainted the team experience for many, it was just our son was the focal point of the toxic behavior. We are not parents that get involved in the stuff generally but it was not a healthy environment - we raised the issue with the toxic kids parents as well to say "hey, we notice your son is physically attacking our kid on the pitch" (more than what is normal for physical soccer) and the parents said they were just "boys being boys". Finally another parent who was waiting at the end of practice noticed the same issue and pulled the toxic kid aside, and talked to the coach about what he was seeing. It took an impartial parent to get the coach notice, we were not the only parents that pulled their kid from the team at the end of the season. We understand that soccer is a physical sport and that players need to be mentally tough, but this was not what was going on. We also believe the kids need to advocate for themselves. Like most things the environment you are in can help or hurt the outcome and experience for your kid. I regret not pulling my kid sooner so he could be on a team that better supported his needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember that Mia Hamm mentioned that the USWNT had to bring in a Sports Psychologist because the players weren’t bonding and trusting each other. She credited it as the reason why they were able to win the World Cup (or Olympics) back when she played.

So while it’s true at the Girls Youth level soccer, it applies to Women’s Soccer too.

Jurgen klinsmann did the same. What’s your point? I played soccer at a high level and as long as everyone gave their all it was fine. I never personally cared for everyone on the team but once you step in the pitch it’s game time. The only difference I ever noticed (that was probably very individual) is that of a woman’s coach doesn’t command respect, the damage to their performance seemed greater than if a men’s team coach was terrible.

[Anonymous]

Personality issues between players fall away at higher levels and older ages. By high school age the kids do not know each other. They go to different schools and do not socialize at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personality issues between players fall away at higher levels and older ages. By high school age the kids do not know each other. They go to different schools and do not socialize at all.

I don't agree with that. It may not always be an issue, and never should it be, but I can sadly honestly say I have seen it be an issue on top teams, at least girls' teams.

[Anonymous]

DD is young and this is her first year of travel so I do not have much experience. She loved soccer and was thrilled when she made a team last spring. She is an extrovert and gets along with many girls. She always practiced at home and it was her favorite sport. Travel has been different. She didn’t care that she was not friends with anyone in her team but there has not been any opportunities for them to bond. They have tried to plan a couple of social get togethers but everyone is busy and they didn’t happen. She’s not enjoying this and wishes she did not have to continue with winter and spring. She will, since she made a year commitment, but will go back to rec next year. I hope she can find her love of soccer again in the future. Her spark is gone right now and it is obvious she is not enjoying practices or games. Social is huge for girls.

[Anonymous]

Some players need a connection to teammates while others do not. It depends on the kid. If you kid needs that connection, you have to really do your homework before joining a new team. Talk to the coaches, managers and parents.