Reply to The importance of liking your teammates (girls vs. boys)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We recently experienced this with our 13 year old son. He enjoyed soccer, but it took him longer to really develop into a strong player. He was with the same set of boys of several different teams, there was one kid in particular that always made sure to point out that my son was the weakest link on the team. The coaches didn't do anything about obvious physicality on the pitch between the two kids and it got to be a nasty power struggle. My son also played on a school team it he was a different player and kid - happier, took more risks and tried so much harder. When I say this I realized it was time for my kid to try out for new teams and start fresh. What a huge difference in his confidence level and his ability. He practices, trains and plays hard he has turned into a strong starter on his current team. He isn't close friends with any of the kids and there isn't the same social connection with the kids - asking to get together after games. But he is much happier. Back to the main point I think respecting other team players is important, I don't think you have to like them or even be friends with them to enjoy the sport, but if you have a toxic kid or kids on a team it will impact how everyone feels about their soccer experience. [/quote]

That's good insight.  In my experience, most coaches don't want to deal with inter-player problems.  If they see a player not passing to another player, they don't address it, even though that is their job.  It's unfortunate, because the coach will brush off the player if the player brings it up, the coach will push back against parents if they bring it up, and he won't deal with it himself.  The only real solution is to find another team to play on.  [/quote]

This was the issue the coach was allowing this behavior to continue and it tainted the team experience for many, it was just our son was the focal point of the toxic behavior. We are not parents that get involved in the stuff generally but it was not a healthy environment - we raised the issue with the toxic kids parents as well to say "hey, we notice your son is physically attacking our kid on the pitch"  (more than what is normal for physical soccer) and the parents said they were just "boys being boys". Finally another parent who was waiting at the end of practice noticed the same issue and pulled the toxic kid aside, and talked to the coach about what he was seeing. It took an impartial parent to get the coach notice, we were not the only parents that pulled their kid from the team at the end of the season. We understand that soccer is a physical sport and that players need to be mentally tough, but this was not what was going on. We also believe the kids need to advocate for themselves. Like most things the environment you are in can help or hurt the outcome and experience for your kid. I regret not pulling my kid sooner so he could be on a team that better supported his needs.   [/quote]

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