The importance of liking your teammates (girls vs. boys)

[Anonymous]

To play this game gptvthe long term (i.e. until the end of the high school years), is it important to be really fond of your teammates? Or is it enough to just get along on the level that's needed to play? Is this the same in boys and girls? How important is the social piece/peace to continue to be motivated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To play this game gptvthe long term (i.e. until the end of the high school years), is it important to be really fond of your teammates? Or is it enough to just get along on the level that's needed to play? Is this the same in boys and girls? How important is the social piece/peace to continue to be motivated?

No. For girls, I have seen time and again that girls will flat out not pass to girls they don't like, even if it costs them the game. Boys will. They don't have to like each other. They could hate each other, but they will pass to the open player, especially if he is good. Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Yes to pp, girls have to have team bonding or it falls apart.

[Anonymous]

I remember that Mia Hamm mentioned that the USWNT had to bring in a Sports Psychologist because the players weren’t bonding and trusting each other. She credited it as the reason why they were able to win the World Cup (or Olympics) back when she played.

So while it’s true at the Girls Youth level soccer, it applies to Women’s Soccer too.

[Anonymous]

Do boys have an advantage on the higger level teams that the disparity in player quality isnt as big a drop off down the roster as it is for girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do boys have an advantage on the higger level teams that the disparity in player quality isnt as big a drop off down the roster as it is for girls?

The strength of the 2nd, 3rd teams are mostly a function of the size of the club and player pool. In our area, teams like Loudoun, Arlington, Bethesda have large pools of players, so many of their 2nd teams are better than other's top teams. Just think how great we could be in Fairfax if we only had one league instead of 10? But the reality is that average families can only drive so many miles at rush hour through Farifax traffic - so we are not nearly as strong as we could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To play this game gptvthe long term (i.e. until the end of the high school years), is it important to be really fond of your teammates? Or is it enough to just get along on the level that's needed to play? Is this the same in boys and girls? How important is the social piece/peace to continue to be motivated?

I've spent some time coaching and a lot of time as a soccer parent and I have to agree with some of the other folks above. Girls have a much more delicate thing going on when they are together and it's much more obvious to me when they come together to squeeze one of their teammates into feeling irrelevant or unwanted. If even one or two girls on the team are regularly being made to feel small, I consider it to be a cancer on the whole team.

Boys do it much, much less, in my observation, but I will say that those that I have seen do it have always struck me as being middle of the pack players. Not especially capable with their soccer, in relation to the stronger players on the team. Non-leaders. Just generally unkind.

But definitely a bigger problem with girls than with boys.

[Anonymous]

If a new girl joins the team and she’s a really good player, do you notice if the other players welcome her or not?

[Anonymous]

Agree that friendships make much less difference in on-field play for boys, but it certainly affected my DS's commitment to the team/practices, etc. He was on one team where he really didn't connect with many of the kids and he hated going to practice, tournaments, etc. It lasted a year. Moved to a new team the following year and suddenly he was passionate about soccer again. DS also loved playing HS soccer because the team was very close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that friendships make much less difference in on-field play for boys, but it certainly affected my DS's commitment to the team/practices, etc. He was on one team where he really didn't connect with many of the kids and he hated going to practice, tournaments, etc. It lasted a year. Moved to a new team the following year and suddenly he was passionate about soccer again. DS also loved playing HS soccer because the team was very close.

Love hearing that! That had to feel good for him --- and the whole family.

[Anonymous]

The way rosters change for both boys and girls from year to year, I can't see how it would affect a player any longer than the current year. How I wish my child's roster had any consistency but each year, it's like he's on a new team.

And, FTR, I have seen horrible behavior by boys on travel soccer teams from arrogant asshole boys towards players who are smaller and/or weaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a new girl joins the team and she’s a really good player, do you notice if the other players welcome her or not?

My DD's club has an instance of this not being the case at all. Kinda surprised me, too.

In theory, I think a player, girl or boy, has a much better chance of fitting in if they're a baller, but in the once case I'm thinking of, it made no difference at all. 100% icy vibes from the teammates, despite the new player being a real standout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way rosters change for both boys and girls from year to year, I can't see how it would affect a player any longer than the current year. How I wish my child's roster had any consistency but each year, it's like he's on a new team.

And, FTR, I have seen horrible behavior by boys on travel soccer teams from arrogant asshole boys towards players who are smaller and/or weaker.

I feel like coaches who see this kind of thing are super reluctant to address it.

If it were me, I'd have an easy breezy, non-emotional 5 minute workshop on the idea that terrorizing your teammates is basically treason. You are weakening your team, to the delight of other teams. May as well just wear the other team's jersey and pass them ballt o them when you have it. I think it should be pointed out as a problem that is shameful and dishonorable and the while treason isn't punishable by death in soccer, it's easily recognized and won't go unanswered. I think if players are made to feel like they might be guilty of being treasonous, with the disdain that most societies have about that idea, they might think twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To play this game gptvthe long term (i.e. until the end of the high school years), is it important to be really fond of your teammates? Or is it enough to just get along on the level that's needed to play? Is this the same in boys and girls? How important is the social piece/peace to continue to be motivated?

I've spent some time coaching and a lot of time as a soccer parent and I have to agree with some of the other folks above. Girls have a much more delicate thing going on when they are together and it's much more obvious to me when they come together to squeeze one of their teammates into feeling irrelevant or unwanted. If even one or two girls on the team are regularly being made to feel small, I consider it to be a cancer on the whole team.

Boys do it much, much less, in my observation, but I will say that those that I have seen do it have always struck me as being middle of the pack players. Not especially capable with their soccer, in relation to the stronger players on the team. Non-leaders. Just generally unkind.

But definitely a bigger problem with girls than with boys.

Completely agree. As a parent of boys and girls (in high school and college) who have played on top teams for big area clubs frequently discussed on this forum, we have seen similar differences between boys and girls. I would add that, if you are thinking long term and want your kids to continue playing into their middle school and high school years, you should be sensitive to these issues as you consider whether to leave/stay at a club. Most have probably heard/seen the statistics about the % of kids that quit playing soccer by the time they are 13 years old. While there are several reasons behind why kids quit, one of the top reasons is "no longer having fun," and the internal dynamics of a team play a huge role in that on the girls side. We know several girls who quit top teams by the time they were 13 or so because of internal, negative dynamics with their teammates. Similarly, we know parents who pulled their daughters from one club to another (thinking the grass was greener at the new club), only to realize later that their daughter (a) had great relationships/friendships on her prior team and (b) was unable to replace them at the new club. In every case but one, those girls quit playing soccer by the time they were 13. This seems to be less of an issue for boys, who we have seen care much less about the internal team dynamics with the other boys, and are even willing to leave a team that has a number of their friends if it means joining a team that a boy thinks is somehow "better" than his current club.

Long way of saying, as we head into the silly season of spring tryouts in the DMV, parents should be particularly sensitive to the internal team dynamics between your kid and his/her teammates. For parents of girls 13 and younger, I think this issue is probably more important than many of the others discussed on this forum (e.g., coaches, TDs, records of older teams at the club, etc.). I appreciate that this is a broad generalization, and may not be applicable to anyone's son or daughter, so take it for whatever it is worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To play this game gptvthe long term (i.e. until the end of the high school years), is it important to be really fond of your teammates? Or is it enough to just get along on the level that's needed to play? Is this the same in boys and girls? How important is the social piece/peace to continue to be motivated?

No. For girls, I have seen time and again that girls will flat out not pass to girls they don't like, even if it costs them the game. Boys will. They don't have to like each other. They could hate each other, but they will pass to the open player, especially if he is good. Sad, but true.

I found boys won't pass to others they are in competition with.