Im always late and I hate myself for it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

CapHillSteve wrote:You get off on it. You are addicted to the endolphins and dopamine from the stress. If you don't like it, see a clinical psychologist who practices cognitive behavior therapy.

This. If you are ALWAYS late, then it's a choice that's affording you something, OP. Yes--it's a choice. And it's also a very selfish and narcissistic choice - you've decided that the high you get from running late is more important than other people's time.

If there are other people (especially young people) involved, this isn’t always the case. Without fail, one of my kids would have a poopy diaper or have lost a shoe and we wouldn’t realize it until we were headed out the door.

Make sure you have places for things and you put them there. Keys are on a hook by the door, shoes are on a shelf in the coat closet, coats are hung up in the same places, etc. Those types of things really help in our family.

I don’t know how old your other two kids are but if old enough, give them some responsibility. My kids pack their backpacks in the morning, get their shoes mostly on, make sure they have their coats. When we are going someplace special on the weekend, they do similar things and anything else I need them to do in order to get out the door.

The other thing I realized recently is that one of my children is consistently causing problems when it’s time to leave. She is no longer allowed to watch TV or use my phone while getting her hair done in the morning. I’m also requiring her to be fully ready 30 minutes before we go out the door. It should give her the extra time she seems to need in order to figure out what shoes she wants to wear and slowly put on her jacket. She can’t quite handle the 5 minute put your shoes on warming that my other kids can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other people hate you for this, too.

+1

This exactly. Be grateful if all they do is kid you for it. You are rude.

[Anonymous]

CapHillSteve wrote:You get off on it. You are addicted to the endolphins and dopamine from the stress. If you don't like it, see a clinical psychologist who practices cognitive behavior therapy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Its ok to be early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

CapHillSteve wrote:You get off on it. You are addicted to the endolphins and dopamine from the stress. If you don't like it, see a clinical psychologist who practices cognitive behavior therapy.

This. If you are ALWAYS late, then it's a choice that's affording you something, OP. Yes--it's a choice. And it's also a very selfish and narcissistic choice - you've decided that the high you get from running late is more important than other people's time.

If there are other people (especially young people) involved, this isn’t always the case. Without fail, one of my kids would have a poopy diaper or have lost a shoe and we wouldn’t realize it until we were headed out the door.

Make sure you have places for things and you put them there. Keys are on a hook by the door, shoes are on a shelf in the coat closet, coats are hung up in the same places, etc. Those types of things really help in our family.

I don’t know how old your other two kids are but if old enough, give them some responsibility. My kids pack their backpacks in the morning, get their shoes mostly on, make sure they have their coats. When we are going someplace special on the weekend, they do similar things and anything else I need them to do in order to get out the door.

The other thing I realized recently is that one of my children is consistently causing problems when it’s time to leave. She is no longer allowed to watch TV or use my phone while getting her hair done in the morning. I’m also requiring her to be fully ready 30 minutes before we go out the door. It should give her the extra time she seems to need in order to figure out what shoes she wants to wear and slowly put on her jacket. She can’t quite handle the 5 minute put your shoes on warming that my other kids can.

If it's "without fail" then you plan for it, like it's your normal (because it IS your normal). You are honest with others about what time you'll be there, and make your adjustments early. Or tell people you won't be there. If being late is a regular thing, it's a choice you're making that makes you a selfish jerk.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are consistently late, you are avoiding something. What are you avoiding.

Also, you think no one notices your being tardy more often than not. But they do notice, and they think less of you for it. Does that matter to you?

I know someone who was in such denial about their always (always) being late, they would literally walk their dog every day instead of picking up their children from school. Their children were left waiting every (every) day. The late parent (the one who was walking their dog when they should be at school picking up their child) would try to call another parent or two every day to pick their child up. (The other parents would not answer, because they had their own children to take care of, and their own lives to tend to - every day).

No rhyme or reason, because the late parent lived within a 5 minute walk from the school. But that didn't matter, because pick up time (in their mind) was time to walk the dog. Who wants the responsibility of picking of someone else's children, every day, when their parent is off in la-la land? WTH?

[Anonymous]

Its a habit. Change. Plan better. You are being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a habit. Change. Plan better. You are being rude.

It is a control issue, OP. You have issues. Fix them.

[Anonymous]

How old are your other children? I have 5, and am never late. I think as your youngest gets older, and more into a routine, you'll have better time management.

[Anonymous]

Listen to all these posters OP. There’s no excuse to usually being late. The steps to be on time are somewhat specific to one’s circumstances, but they are always very simple and straightforward. Think very hard about why you choose not to implement them.

[Anonymous]

Op, it’s not as bad as the others are making it out to be. People in dc are so type a, uptight. I’d rather a friend or colleague who’s habitually late than one that’s boring, not a team player, or generally a jerk. You have three kids! That’s awesome, and dcum is jealous. Signed, working mom of 2, sometimes late

[Anonymous]

Hey OP I am a perpetually late person. It’s better now that I have a kid because I have to get started earlier, but it’s still in issue. I have finally defeated the issue. Here’s how:

At the root of it, I feel a lot of pressure to get someplace AT a certain time. If you think about it, there are so many things that can delay you- kids, traffic, etc. I am much more comfortable telling people a range of time (where appropriate). I just say-let’s meet between 6:30 and 6:40 at Starbucks.

If it’s something where a range is not appropriate, like a restaurant reservation, I remind myself that it’s ok to be early! (It’s kind of a play on the time range thing- I’ll show up between 7:40 and 8:00 for an 8:00 reservation.).

My trick is that I either give myself an hour or 30 min. I live in Arlington. If I’m going anywhere in DC or anywhere on 66 like Tysons and beyond, and it’s not a weekend, I leave an hour in advance. If I’m going somewhere in Arlington or Falls Church, I leave 30 min in advance. I find that 30 min or 60 min is a good rule of thumb and enough time to get kid in car etc as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP I am a perpetually late person. It’s better now that I have a kid because I have to get started earlier, but it’s still in issue. I have finally defeated the issue. Here’s how:

At the root of it, I feel a lot of pressure to get someplace AT a certain time. If you think about it, there are so many things that can delay you- kids, traffic, etc. I am much more comfortable telling people a range of time (where appropriate). I just say-let’s meet between 6:30 and 6:40 at Starbucks.

If it’s something where a range is not appropriate, like a restaurant reservation, I remind myself that it’s ok to be early! (It’s kind of a play on the time range thing- I’ll show up between 7:40 and 8:00 for an 8:00 reservation.).

My trick is that I either give myself an hour or 30 min. I live in Arlington. If I’m going anywhere in DC or anywhere on 66 like Tysons and beyond, and it’s not a weekend, I leave an hour in advance. If I’m going somewhere in Arlington or Falls Church, I leave 30 min in advance. I find that 30 min or 60 min is a good rule of thumb and enough time to get kid in car etc as well.

This, OP, is the answer. It’s what we all do. Well, those of us who arrive on time.

It’s OK to arrive early to most things. You can wait in your car, wait in a lobby, swing through a nearby drive-they for a coffee, take the stairs, take the long way through the parking lot, etc.

I too break things up into 30-45-60 minute windows, based on how long, with average delays, I need to get there. Nobody will feel sorry for you because you didn’t allow yourself enough time to beat rush-hour traffic every time, for example. Everyone will forgive you for getting stuck in that bumper-to-bumper traffic because of the crash on the highway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other people hate you for this, too.

I don't really hate that you're late, I hate that you don't call or text me to tell me you're late. I could run an errand or leave my house later. I hate when I rush to get somewhere on time and you are late. Just be honest with me and let me know you'll be late.

[Anonymous]

Stupid DCUM quote thing. This was meant to be its own response....

I don't really hate that you're late, I hate that you don't call or text me to tell me you're late. I could run an errand or leave my house later. I hate when I rush to get somewhere on time and you are late. Just be honest with me and let me know you'll be late.